have a better relationship with my father

My relationship with my father has been tarnished since my early teenage years. Those infamous ages where we learn to talk back and have an opinion. I don’t think my dad understood that there would come a time when his kids would ever think for themselves. He’s an insane control freak and the thought of not being able to control anything we do at all gives him the worst taste in his mouth. Whether it be decisions we make, clothes we decide to wear or places we decide to go, any decision that isn’t his decision pisses him off. It’s unfortunate that this bothers him so much that he can barely hold relatioships with us. He won’t talk to us if we’ve done him wrong, yet most of the time just breathing means we’ve done him wrong. It feels to me that our very existence bothers him. It’s sad. Unfortunately, I see a lot of his negative traits in myself and I’m trying to learn how to change that. He is a miserable person and no one should have to live life that way or have a parent who is this miserable. I have made very few bad decisions in my life, I like to think I use common sense and try to do the right thing. Yet all I get from him is an aura full of hate, remorse and regret. I don’t know that this man will ever change, but I certainly hope he can overcome this at some point in his life or he will die a miserable old man. Even though he’s has caused me a great deal of psychological abuse, he’s still my father and I don’t wish that for him. I wish to make this better at some point

Since moving out I think my father and I have the space to better appreciate each other and form a closer bond. We’ve been enjoying each other’s company and getting along much better. While I know we’ll never be great friends, we are at a place where I feel much more positive about our relationship.

I’m very proud of how this has been going. We really have been getting along much better now that we aren’t living under the same roof. I’m planning to take him out for a Father’s Day breakfast the end of this week, and I know he’s really looking forward to it. I’m so happy that things are going better.

Since I’ve moved out, I’ve been trecking back home to the park near where my parents live to walk with dad about once a week. I can tell it really means a lot to him. I know that continuing this one-on-one time will go a long way to improving our relationship.

Yesterday we were driving in the car together and he made a negative comment on my driving…and I got so angry. I so wish I could just swallow things that he says and not let them get to me. I don’t know why his words affect me the way they do, and cut at such a deep level.

I answered him with biting words, “Do you want me to pull over so you can drive? Huh?!” :-/ I have to be the one to stop. Like I’ve said in another post, he isn’t going to change. He is nearly 70 years old and set in his ways. I can change how I react to him, and definately have to do a better job of that.

Tomorrow in the morning I’m going to plan on driving to the park where he walks the dog in the mornings and take the walk with him. I know he’ll appreciate it and it will go a long way to mending bridges.

This goal is brought on by something that happened between my father and I today. Right before I left for work, he started to get on me about something that has been stressing me out. I lashed back with a biting comment that I know hurt him. I wish this didn’t happen. I’ve been thinking about it the whole time I’ve been at work and really want to make things better.

When I look at it, we have very similar personalities. I think this causes us to clash quite a bit. He tends to talk a lot without thinking, and as a sensitive person I tend to let myself get upset by his comments.

I really want to have a better relationship with him. I know that despite our personality differences, he cares about me very much. I know that he would be so happy to have a relationship with me.

I can look at this situation and say – he isn’t going to change. But I can change the way that I react to him. I can try to let his comments roll off of my back and make a concious effort to spend more quality time with him. I really want to make him happy and not continue to hurt him with my reactions.

we talked important stuff yesterday
all very calm
not like last time

i can’t even find time to call him…..

idk what to say, progress is slow. i have talked to him on the phone twice so far this year.

My husband and I moved very closed to my dad and his family in March 2007.
We are seing a lot more of each other and planned a trip to Paris – all of us together, my dad and his wife, my two brothers, my husband and I.

Sadly my dads wife died christmas night of breastcancer, after 8 years of fighting the disease. We knew she was terminally ill but still it came as a bit of a shock, since she never complained about anything. She never let herself be defined by the disease.