mindfully and gently examine some of my habits

I have a habit of keeping everything, even the tiniest chit of paper. After and because of my recent move, I’ve been going through everything I possess. I’m asking myself the following questions:

- Have I touched/used this item in the past 2 years?
—If not, is there some compelling reason that prevented me from doing so (too busy with a crisis, etc)
- Am I likely to touch/use this item in the next 12 months?

If all answers are “No,” then I’m getting rid of it.

I notice that when my relationship with starch is bad, the starch itself is satisfying. When it’s good, I need more variety. I can see this in how much I want tomato sauce on my macaroni, and in how satisfying a slice of peanut butter and bread is.

One would think that a Sunday spent lazing about doing nothing would help for relaxation, but apparently it doesn’t. It only seems to erode my self-discipline and make me sleepy. That said, I did feel tired on Friday and it seemed the right thing to do.

I feel like I’m looking for a solution without being clear about what the problem is.

One of my habits relates to my attitude toward religion, and balancing that against my desire for a spiritual outlet. A friend introduced me to Unitarian Universalism. According to Wikipedia, UUism “is…characterized by its support for a ‘free and responsible search for truth and meaning.’” There is no shared ‘creed.’ What is shared is a search for spiritual growth. All beliefs are accepted into their fold, whether Catholic, Muslim, agnostic, or any other.

This may be where I need to turn to seek out my personal spiritual path. I need to develop a relaxed tolerance of others’ beliefs, and eliminate the disdain I so often feel.

I am glad to see that one of my habits in a different context. My laptop broke down, and instead of staying awake late on the interweb, I stayed awake late reading. This confirms to me that it is not the computer’s fault, or something caused by the relationship between me and the computer.

I’ve had this problem for ever, and I’m glad they’re starting to get a name for it: Discalculia. I have a problem doing arithmetic. It’s not as severe as it is for some other people, but I know that there’s something small in other people’s minds that I’ve never developed.

I’m putting it here under the entry of ‘habits’ because I’m very well aware of the problems that can arise from ‘having’ a disorder and becoming a victim of it.

I’m writing about it today, because this morning I went to do a bit of business, and felt the panic rise when I had to calculate the price.

While there might or might not be a solution or a cure, I know how to cope with it. Proceed slowly, carefully. Write things out clearly. Use order-of-magnitude and fractional approximations to check.

I wonder if it a habit, or if it is just coincidence, but it seems that I have a tendency to fall ill whenever things are going well with me personally. I know this is opposite to the conventional wisdom, but it seems to be true for me.

Or maybe this is just the paranoia associated with any illness.

When I exercise, I really enjoy it. However, I use any/every excuse to “cheat” on my routine. Once I skip a day, it’s very hard to get back to the routine. I know exercise is important, I feel better, both psychologically and physically, yet I still falter.

My initial thoughts are that I’m punishing myself, or I don’t feel I deserve the goodness that exercise brings. I need to investigate this vein of thought further. I believe it will help me break through this issue.

My 1st targeted habit is being close-minded about spiritual beliefs.

While I consider myself spiritual, I do not practice any religion. I am generally disdainful of church and any other religious structure, either concrete or virtual. When people try to talk with me about their religious beliefs, I believe I show disdain towards their superstitions.

I value nature and my environment; I generally respect others. I don’t need someone behind a pulpit lecturing me on what it means to live a moral life. And for them to have such a conceit to think that theirs is the one true path boggles me—that they cannot conceive of a reality with more than one ‘truth’ and will take extreme measures to eradicate competing beliefs.

My dilemma is, am I not as guilty in my attitude?

It’s a pity such a pleasure has to go, but I’ve given up coffee. I’m still sitting with the withdrawal headaches, but already I feel much better. Probably the best sign is that I get very sleepy late in the evening, and really go to bed because I feel I want to.

It seems like a sudden thing, but I have been keeping an eye on my use of coffee for for a few months now. Getting back to work after the holiday made me drink less coffee, and I could notice the effect. This week I read a paper from which I learned that the half-life of coffee is three to five hours, which means my habit gave me a constant load. Furthermore, I learned that drinking coffee worsenes anxiety when one is under stress. It seemed logical, in that case, to stop drinking coffee.

I’ve stopped before, and it was good for me. I can do it again. I’m still getting to terms with the idea of never drinking coffee again.