Create the life I ought to be living

My housemate/boyfriend? told me today that he wants to be nothing more than roommates now. So at least I know where I stand with him. I am no longer in Limbo land. I can go on with My life…

I was pretty much ready to call it quits with my boyfriend. Long story short. He told me he was in love with me about 6 months ago then he took it back. So all this time I have been wondering what I have been doing wrong. At anyrate, I told him last night that I feel I am wasting my time here, That I need to be with someone who loves me as much as I love them. We have been together a year and a few months. So then he says “I am” and I said you are what? And He says “I am in love with you and have been for a very long time. I just was afraid to admit it”. So I feel a hundred times better than I did this time yesterday. I was ready to throw it all away. and today I am looking to the future. But not too far. I am just enjoying the here and Now. and enjoying the Bliss of knowing that he loves me as much as I love him.

I think I am living the Life I ought to be yet I feel like life is passing me by…So I know this isn’t the life I ought to be living. I really have to work on this.

I like my Doctors. I like my caseworkers. If I moved somewhere else I would have to start all over with new doctors and I really hate that because they would probably change my meds. They always do. I am getting to where I know my way around. I have lived here a year and I can now get myself to places that I wish to go. Besides that DB has to stay in this house for 3 years for his son to finish High School. Then We could consider moving out of the area.

How does one go about moving to the poconos when one doesn’t have the means to do so?
*Get a job there
*Be a Nanny
*be a caretaker
*work for one of the lodges

I ought to be living in the poconos in a Chalet with my Reiki Studio in the back. Living close to nature. I have to figure out what I can do to bring this about.

“What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?”
- Robert Schuller

Second time today this one has showed up….Maybe I need to really think about this one…I would attempt to be the real me. the outragous me. (as outragous as I can be since being medicated) I would be the woman Ray wants. I would be the woman I want. I would be a wild Goddess who isn’t afraid of anything. I would never be jealous again. I would have accomplished all my goals. I would have my whole new wardrobe. I wouldn’t worry that I am 4 years older than ray. it doesn’t bother him so why should it bother me? I would be as free as a bird…not relationship wise, but problem and worry wise. I would have my own opinions and speak my thruths always, not what I think people want to hear to keep the peace. I would express my likes and dislikes. I would buy frilly dresses and wear them. (with no panties if I felt like it) I would be the elegant lady that dwells inside me that I hide. I would never lose my sense of wonder. I would never grow up. I would wear frilly socks everyday of the week. I would make everymeal at home…unless of course Ray wanted to treat me to a gourmet meal out every once in a while. I would live in a neighborhood where I could have my friends over for coffee and girl talk. I guess I really am a 1950’s domestic goddess…As if half of this could happen in this day and age. But this is if I knew I could not fail…So I should keep going. I would travel on vacations to places that interest me. Mostly in the USA, because Ray doesn’t want to do any foreign travel. I could always go without him. Yes I could. I can do other things without him as well like go to book signings, anything at all that is of a cultural nature. he has n0o interest in that sort of thing what so ever. We have a wonderful relationship in many ways. He works during the day I do my thing during the day as well, have dinner ready for him when he gets home and spend the evening together. It is the perfect setup. I just have to figure out how to fill my days better.

Honest, truthful, exciting, fun, couragous, outragous, glamourous, breathtakingly beautiful, elegant, stylish, real, open, fabulous, inspiring, healthy both physically and mentally, spiritual, on my terms, SupercalifraglisticExpialadocious.