start observing people more closely

sat in cafe…man walks in…leather jacket…earing small silver in left ear…small tatoo three or so inches under his ear…black pants…not creased…not dirty…few days used…black leather shoes…clean, shined…steps up to counter…no indication he is a “regular” orders cup of coffee…receives cup then says “hey..can I get a bag for the cofee I am going on the bus”

he looked to be in his late 40s early 50s short black hair…slight gray…earing in left ear…gay?...why bag for cofee for bus ride? he said “on the bus”...not going to drink it walking to bus stop…or drink it waiting for bus…not even drink it on the bus…he is going to hold on to the cofee as he rides the bus and then drink it when he gets off?

his demeanor was not rough nor overly polite…slightly hard..working class…education?...about 6ft tall…medium build…

ahhh…judging from his demeanor…earing in left ear…and the fact that he was sure to have cup be in strong plastic bag…suggests concern with propriety…vibes plus objective facts gives me reason to consider gay identity more likely but not definitive.

If I get better, I’ll post the how, when, why, results. Maybe.

I am attending a movie shoot – a concert, actually, at an old punk club I used to go to almost religiously. I’m going for fun (I’ve invited the roller derby girls) and for networking (film stuff). It will be easy for me to keep my eyes open and observe people, so the questions I’m going to be asking myself are: “Who do I see? What interactions do they have? How do they relate?”

“If you pay attention to the other person, you can mesmerize them. This is integral to the fulfillment of your desires. If you can see where someone is at, you can bring them into your vision.“

Just not very good at it yet.

It appears that I may have misread a situation on Friday. I gave three options about someone I was interested in: 1) LTR 2) Not interested 3) Shy, proud, standoffish. In the situation itself, I opted for 1 with 2 following close behind. However, I’ve since come across some data (a MySpace profile, to be exact, yes, I know it looks like I’m cyber-stalking, but the truth is I was looking at a relevant MySpace profile and … well there I found his) that indicates that #1 is not the case. SO it’s #2 or #3.

Question is: after meeting someone only once before, how do you know you are just not interested? They’ve either got to be blithering idiots or unattractive or just, unfortunately, not your type. I’m neither a blithering idiot (most of the time, and not usually with people I just met) nor unattractive. Or, you’re just not in the space to be interested in anyone, and may prefer to avoid it. Hmmmm.

I’m overanalyzing.

But here’s one piece of observation: most of the time over the course of the evening, he was never looking my way that I could see – but he was in a direct line of sight of/for me. A simple turn of the head, at least until the crowd filled out and I became too distracted to check him out. Maybe he’s one of those guys who stands around making himself available for approach but who never approaches (which is something that makes me feel sad for those guys, for either making it all a power game or else feeling powerless, but it’s also something I don’t want). But then again, that’s not totally true – the evening I met him, he approached me after initial meeting, when I was standing with my guy friend.

Sigh. This is ridiculous. I wonder if it’s making me a good observer or not. Guess I have to have another opportunity to observe him in order to test #2 or #3, but things either already have or will have changed by then.

I have to observe other people who have NOTHING to do with me.

Basically when I walk into a room I see everyone, but I don’t necessarily see the play between everyone. And when it comes to me, I just take it for granted that people just don’t know where to place me, and I either leave it at that, or I execute my agenda. I do pay attention to others when I have an agenda, but I really don’t know how tuned I am to them.

An ex-boyfriend used to pride himself on watching people and deciding what they were like. The trouble is, he was biased to the negative, and often wrong, and he wasn’t nuanced or particularly sensitive. I knew this when he applied it to others. But for some idiotic reason, I believed him when he told me things about myself, such as I’m not very smart (well, I am and I’m not) and my social skills suck. They do not suck! (And what a way to encourage me, fuck!) I am a certain way, and I make my way, and I work on things and try them out. I do not care if I fail, if I care, I go a little slower and try to trust a little more. He, OTOH, did care if he failed, so he built a little coterie and it was up to others to fit in. He was the most snobbish guy around. And I just loved it, I’m afraid. There’s something about making it to an inner circle that makes you feel alive even as it’s killing you.

I digress. I do need to observe the play between people, and watch for clues as to how to fit in and make the most of it. Last week when I met Mads Mikkelsen, I executed my agenda (introduce myself in a memorable way) and then ran away, because I didn’t know how to handle whatever it is he has to handle and just stick around to see where it lead to. Thank goodness I have a friend who is expert at handling people to give me ideas and clues what to watch for and what to do. And it was she who said, and I believe her, that I need to observe people more closely.