After a few months of waking up each morning with a horrible stomach ache, I realized the pain might be the result of unmanaged acid reflux. I started a course of medication on Sunday and I think it’s already helping. Only time will tell for sure. I just can’t believe I didn’t think of it sooner!

It’s easy to forget about this condition when the symptoms are under control. It’s easy to justify unhealthy choices when they don’t have an immediate impact on my health. 1 week ago

Hey, yesterday was better. It was worth it to try again :)

I’m choosing to work 12 hours today (and four hours on Saturday) so I don’t have to work on Friday. Crazy? Possibly. That doesn’t leave much room for “me time” today. But it makes time to myself that much more important.

• take a multivitamin
• do a two-minute meditation before work
• x pray
• listen to a recovery podcast
• take a walking break during the workday
• walk to pick up dinner instead of driving
• drink at least 32 oz of water
• make even healthier food choices3 weeks ago

I was hesitant to write another list because I’m feeling like such a failure (wah wah, poor me). I completely binged yesterday, and despite going to bed when I was tired last night, I’m completely exhausted today. I’m having a harder time than usual focusing at work. The 30* temperature drop and dreary skies are really helping, too :/ (more self pity, blah blah blah…)

All the more reason to try again today.

mental health

• knock a big task off my work to-do list ...FINALLY!
• pray
• make time to meditate
• work on my bootcamp goals
• go to bed before 11pm (as tomorrow’s going to be a long day)

physical health

• x walk around the block a few times (hey, it’s something!) wet snow fell all dang day!
• take a multivitamin
• drink at least 32 oz of water
• make healthier food choices ...still not great, but slightly better and no binging3 weeks ago

The smallest tasks are proving to be such a challenge. But at the end of the day, I’m filled with regret for the unhealthy choices I’ve made throughout the day. I’m trying to treat my body with love, appreciating what I have now and actively working toward a healthier self. I hope that sentiment can carry me throughout this day.

• pray
• x knock a big task off my work to-do list
• ask for help with a looming work assignment
• walk to and from work (45+ minutes)
• take a multivitamin
• x make time to meditate
• listen to a recovery podcast
• be honest in counseling
• x drink at least 32 oz of water
• :( end the day with at least a 500 calorie deficit … sigh…
• go to sleep when I’m tired (and don’t stress about the time on the clock)4 weeks ago

Never ready to go back to work. Want to make the most of the day, though. I will…

• pray
• x knock a big task off my work to-do list
• walk for at least 20 minutes
• take a multivitamin
• make time to meditate
• listen to a recovery podcast
• x drink lots of water (probably why I was so dang hungry)
• x count calories and keep food intake under control
• x go to sleep when I’m tired or by 11pm, whichever comes first (went to bed before 11, but my mind was racing and I didn’t fall asleep until nearly midnight) 4 weeks ago

Fridays are the BEST. When that 5 o’clock whistle blows, I’m free from work for 64 hours. (Yep, I counted.) My mind, body, and soul are in dire need of this break.

This weekend I will…

• start it early by leaving work at 4pm!
• walk for at least 20 minutes
• take a multivitamin every day
• make time to meditate
• x drink LOTS of water
• rest as much as I need
• do something productive
• :( make healthy food choices
• be present when visiting with family and friends
• spend some time looking into future job/volunteer opportunities
• x enjoy some solitude
• x embrace every moment of freedom 4 weeks ago

And there it is again… that stomach ache that greets me as I wake up. I thought MAYBE it came from eating too close to bedtime, but five hours passed between the end of dinner and when I crawled into bed.

It might not have been the best physical health day, but it was a great mental health day. Before going to bed, I said to R that I had a really great day off. He said he hopes I have an equally good day tomorrow. I hadn’t even considered that a possibility, since work was in the cards :P But I’ll certainly give it a shot.

Today I will…

• x walk for at least 20 minutes
• take a multivitamin
• x make time to meditate
• get some fresh air before the storms roll in
• leave work before 6pm
• drink at least 32 oz of water
• make healthy food choices
• go to sleep when I’m tired or by 11pm, whichever comes first4 weeks ago

For the record, I felt slightly better this morning than I did the morning before :)

Today I will:

• walk for at least 20 minutes
• take a multivitamin
• x find time to meditate – tried to do a TWO minute meditation but was interrupted
• follow my heart during my free afternoon
• be on time for my doctors appointments
• drink at least 32 oz of water
• x eat less than 1600 calories – indulged during date night, no regrets there
• x go to sleep when I’m tired or by 11pm, whichever comes first – stayed up late to watch a movie 4 weeks ago

Achieving overall health – both mental and physical – requires daily action. I think I’ll start tracking that action here.

Today I will:

• drink at least 32 oz of water
• x eat less than 1600 calories
• walk for at least 20 minutes
• meet with a new therapist
• have coffee with a new friend
• take a multivitamin
• go to sleep when I’m tired or by 11pm, whichever comes first1 month ago

I haven’t been particularly unhealthy lately, but I haven’t been watching my carb intake, either. So I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I’ve been waking up every morning with a stomach ache over the past few weeks. Yesterday I had an Atkins bar and coffee for breakfast, a salad and a few yogurt-covered pretzels for lunch, and a veggie Subway sub for dinner… and I felt miserable this morning.

I’m going back to the very low carb diet for the next week and I’ll see how my body reacts. On today’s menu? Atkins bar and coffee for breakfast, lettuce-wrapped sandwich for lunch, and a cobb salad for dinner.

I’m also seriously lacking in the exercise department lately. I took a meditation workshop last weekend and my legs fell asleep after sitting for less than 10 minutes… obviously I need to get the blood circulating in my body! I just want to keep this simple for now, maybe with 15-30 minutes of walking each day? And/or walking breaks during the workday?

I have a big trip coming up in less than two months and I want to be in better health when I leave. No time like the present to make that goal a reality. 1 month ago

Today’s day two of tear-inducing fatigue. I’ve been tired for as long as I can remember, but this is pretty uniquely crippling. I just wish I understood the cause.

I have a hard time believing that mild sleep apnea is the culprit, and unfortunately it will still be a couple of months (and a couple thousand dollars) before I find out if an “oral appliance” helps.

I thought I was onto something with the suspected insulin resistance, and at first the low-carb diet seemed to help. But now it appears that was maybe a fluke? I really don’t know.

All I do know is that I’m inexplicably exhausted, both mentally and physically, but I can’t seem to sleep or even relax. And as a result, I’m feeling really irritable and miserable. I wish I knew how to fix this. Or, better yet, I wish I could find a doctor who seems to give a shit… 2 months ago

No joke. My first carb dream was about a week after I started Atkins. In my dream, my sister was trying to convince me to eat Oreos. (I knew it was a dream because my sister would never do such a thing; she’s too healthy for that.) Last night I dreamed of eating Fritos dipped drenched in barbecue sauce (which I’ve never had and never intend to eat). I’ve been resisting the urge to buy a chocolate chip muffin since I got to the coffee shop nearly two hours ago. (I made the mistake of not eating breakfast before I left the house this morning, so all that’s in my system is about 10 ounces of half-caf coffee. Smart. I’m this close to indulging. Sigh.)

But craving aside, I’ve been feeling so much better lately. It’s been relatively easy to stick with Atkins over the past 18 days. The scale’s gone back down a bit again and I’m not as excessively sleepy or mood swing-y these days. I rarely feel hungry because I can always find something low carb/high protein to satiate my hunger. I’m trying to keep this all in mind when I have the urge to give up (mostly today). But what’s the point in feeling good physically if I’m constantly fighting a mental battle. I wonder if there’s a middle ground, but I’ve never been any good at middle grounds when it comes to diet and exercise. I’m definitely an all-or-nothing kind of person.

I finally delved further into my PCOS workbook this morning. I’m glad I kept reading because the book talks about the advantages and disadvantages of a low-carb, high-protein diet for insulin resistant women. I really thought I was doing the right thing. It’s like I was the pupil who thought for sure that I’d be doing the right homework before the teacher even assigned it. But I was wrong. Apparently “balance” works for insulin resistant women, too. And here I thought I needed to be “extreme.”

I’m pretty sure that chocolate chip muffin still isn’t the answer :P

My book suggested meeting with a registered dietitian to help define a diet that will work best for ME. I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of that before, but it’s something I’m going to look into as soon as I’m done writing this entry.

A couple nights ago I had a sleep study and found out that I have mild sleep apnea. I’m not sure how that’s going to play a role in all of this, but it’s something new to manage. I’m doubting my doctor’s knowledge on the subject, but fortunately I can get a second opinion from the sleep doc if my GP doesn’t cut it. There’s something to be said for the up-to-date knowledge a newer, younger doctor may have, but there’s no substitute for experience, either. My doctor’s less than three years older than me. Yeah.

Lastly, back to the PCOS, my workbook reiterated what I (mostly) already knew – regular exercise is essential to PCOS management. (What medical condition isn’t bettered by some sort of exercise?) I’ve got to plan ahead and make the time to fit something into my daily routine. If only this damn weather would warm up a bit; I’d love to get back into a walking routine but not with all the close calls I’ve had on icy ground this winter. After a great hatha yoga class last Sunday, I’d really like to find a local morning class. It’s probably unreasonable to think I’d drive an hour round trip to get in a yoga class before work each morning, haha.

Saturday mornings are always full of so much insight and motivation. Let’s see how long this lasts…

Edit: I had the stupid muffin. It was pretty good, but now my body’s wondering what the hell I poisoned it with. My brain feels different and I can feel a bit of fatigue setting in. Today might call for an afternoon nap and a return to low carbs for the rest of the day… and until I can speak with a medical professional about what’s best for me.

Second edit: Bingeing on Reese’s Peanut Butter Hearts doesn’t help matters at all. Feeling like absolute shit. This is why I can’t “cheat” on diets. Felt so much better with no sugar. 2 months ago

...my “fruit and veggie diet” limit is just under two days.

Yesterday I binged on a greasy ginormous calzone with extra pizza sauce for dinner… so, you know, super good for the reflux :/ I told myself it was in honor of Liz Lemon. I didn’t seem to like that reasoning so much when I woke up feeling thirsty and miserable.

Today I’ve done better, but far from great. A skim decaf tea latte and greek yogurt for breakfast, sour candy for a snack (because I was bored… seriously?!). The interesting thing is that after a serving-or-so of the candy, I truly didn’t WANT anymore. Like, I’m thinking I’ll ask my coworker if he wants to take it. That’s huge for me!

Anyway, I’ve got a sweet potato, apple, and carrot sticks waiting for me for lunch but it sounds so dreadfully boring (the third day in a row) that I’m avoiding lunch even though I’m hungry. I guess my willpower’s really that low that I can’t stick to healthy (and delicious) foods for three whole days. I know that I need other stuff in my diet, but I was hoping to “cleanse” in a healthy way. Yep, not so much. I’m still looking forward to a third hommus-and-veggie dinner, though :)

_{Yes, I had two dinners last night…}

I started reading up on PCOS last night and I’m wondering if my doctor has the right diagnosis. All she did was run some blood work, and apparently many other disorders can manifest like PCOS. I have about half of the symptoms but not some of the “major” ones. Hmm. But I’ll keep reading up and try to follow the recommendations and see what happens. One of those recommendations is to only eat foods that have a low glycemic index (or something like that). I’m hoping to read more this weekend, but it sounds like I may be headed back to the land of low-carbs. 3 months ago

My dependence on caffeine was getting out of hand. Not only was the cost adding up (thanks to 24oz triple lattes) but it was also taking a toll on my body. The knot in my throat returned and I knew I had to change something.

So I stopped drinking caffeine on Saturday, figuring it would be easiest to make the transition on the weekend. And I guess it was. I was able to nap on both Saturday and Sunday, and though I was tired and a bit groggy, I was still able to function. Then Monday hit, and that’s when I fell asleep at 6:30pm and slept for 12 hours. Thank goodness I let my body rest! I was less sleepy yesterday, though a gluttonous lunch did bring the desire to take a food coma nap for a few hours. Today is day five, and though it’s still early (10am), I’m feeling pretty good!

I went to the grocery store this morning to stock up on fruits and veggies to keep in the office. Bananas, apples, carrots, sweet potatoes, carrot juice… and greek yogurt. I also stopped off for fresh juice – kale, spinach, and apple – on my way in to work. If I can stick to eating only these foods for breakfast, snacks, and lunch, and stick to healthy foods at home, then I’ll be following a diet that’s better for managing reflux and I’ll probably shed a few pounds, too (which the doctor says I need to do).

I’m really good at the talk and planning but really crappy at the execution of healthy eating plans. I just need to keep my eyes on the prize. 3 months ago

over the last week I’ve started doing this by eating healthy and working out daily. 7 months ago