Be silent for awhile

this reminds me
my brother used to pay me
a quarter
for every hour
I could keep my mouth shut.

I never saw a damned dime!

Patty spent about 26 hours at the skilled nursing facility, decided it wasn’t for her and decided to get out. Apparently there were too many old people and it was too depressing, or something like that. She told the boyfriend, Jim, that if he wouldn’t take her home (meaning his home since hers is a mess [don‘t ask]) she’d call a cab and stay in a hotel. The family hasn’t talked to either one of them since late in the afternoon yesterday, they were still waiting to see the doctor who would be able to clear her so she wouldn’t be considered noncompliant again...

By now we have to assume that Jim took her to his place. I guess Mom talked to Jim and told him that if she gave her that kind of ultimatum after all that they’ve done for her, her sorry self would be in a hotel for sure. He is a nice guy and cares about Patty, but he’s also an enabler with no balls. I feel kind of sorry for him because he’s now her new servant and he won’t put a stop to any of it. He’ll drive her around, run her errands, take care of her cat, get her mail, make her tea… Selfish thought but I’m glad it isn’t my Mother doing these things for her.

My Father pretty much told her off last night, finally. Telling her that after all we’ve seen and been put through with her that it’s just wrong that she not listen to us and take advantage of this facility. So when she comes home for real she can drive, go to her meetings and take care of herself. She has made so many bad decisions that it’s unreasonable to think that someone who was drunk in a stupor for weeks, then in a coma for days, then on Mars for days more, can suddenly figure out what is the best course of action for herself. She says she’s going to join a chemical dependency group, maybe go to the YMCA to work out, or use the gym at her apartment…go to AA…she’ll be just fine.

So with that I am done. The next time she gets sick and there will be a next time, I don’t know how deep my Mother will jump in. I can tell you it won’t be anything like this time. I am angry. I hope you will all understand and forgive my anger. She says it’s her life, but in fact it was our life, too, and she shouldn’t have done this. I have very little confidence in her following through on anything now. I have mentally washed my hands…

When I entered what I like to call “alcoholic world” I was given some sage words of wisdom by one of the councilors. She said “you can never trust her again” and I took that to heart. Even then, in the early stages, I knew that truer words had never been uttered. From that moment forward I mentally peppered everything she said with the word “lie”. It all became half truths at best. My Mother didn’t whole heartedly believe and because of this she’s suffering immensely. Her heart is broken. She gave everything to help Patty. Blindly believing she has been kicked in the teeth. I wish I could take away both their burdens and make everything all better. Turn back the hands of time. Bring the truth back. All that’s left are past memories and the current destruction. Believe it.

Editors note:

While trying to cope with family issues, a stressful time at work, life… I have had approximately 3 mini melt downs this week. I’m really struggling but I have faith it’ll even out. I know some of you think it’s hogwash but just this morning I thought to myself “Self, I think I should pull cards soon”. This afternoon I had a woman ask me if I was interested in calling her reader or experimenting on her own reading skills. She approached me out of the stone cold blue and we have never talked this way before. I think that’s what Seren would call a WTF moment? I declined her kind offer but I do plan on lighting my own candle. Trying to find my center.

I’d like to thank everyone for being so very supportive during this tumultuous time. Keep me in your thoughts and know that I’m on the path to better! Tomorrow is a new day and I hear there’s going to be rain so maybe I’ll fart in a mud puddle? Love youz guys!! xx

PS – The silence is over.

Things are just a bit overwhelming right now. I need to sort through everything and try to find my center again.

_{“Center! Center! Where the hell did you go?”}

Fear not, I’ll be back this weekend to yuck it up with one & all. I just have to push past some ugly stuff is all… I’m sure you understand even if I didn’t take a vote first, lol! I miss you guys & gals! xx

Time to silence myself for a stretch and see how that works out.