Have a circle of amazing woman friends

I would kill for a girls’ night out. I have few (if any) girlfriends. I spend most of my time with my boyfriend. The friends I do have are mostly guys. I have a LOT of mother issues and I think that hindered me from be able to form close relationships with other females. I feel like I am getting closer to my sister, but she is 18 years older than me and has a family of her own.

I’m not sure how I am going to go about this yet. So far I have:

-Joined an online networking site for “girlfriends”

-Tried to be more sociable with the girls on my team

-Working on staying in touch with the girls that I do know

So far…

Not much.

One of my biggest fears is not having bridesmaids on my wedding day. All my girlfriends have run off with boyfriends and husbands to other states… and while it’s them I’d choose, it might be hassle enough for them to just get here.

I have been making an effort, being vulnerable, taking risks by reaching out and asking friends to get together. Went to one friend’s house to see her kids and go out to dinner with her. Asked another friend to a movie. Asked another friend to get together for a walk or wine bar. Called two long distance friends and have potential plans to see them (one I might visit to check out her town as a potential place to move, the other I might meet up with for a little reunion/girls’ getaway).

I’ve been trying to get together more with a few girls in particular. I feel like we are slowly becoming friends, but it’s glacial because we lead busy lives and we’re adults. I have to admit that one of the biggest obstacles to this is that deep down I think it’s futile. Everyone leaves eventually, or I leave. Like my old friends from high school or even college at this point … they have mostly faded away because of long distance. I guess you just have to live for the moment, and not worry about the future.

I just have to confess, I’m so self-critical after hanging out with new friends. In retrospect I think I was tactless (adding out-of-place stories or veiled insults) or came across as trying too hard. I exagerate things sometimes too (“We love our apartment!!!” when truly we have mixed feelings about it). Shit!

Well, all I can do is keep on trying and learning. I’m just out of practice when it comes to hanging out with girlfriends, and I’m working on improving my self-esteem and confidence. I want to be more genuine. I know when I can relax and be myself, I have fun and so do my friends.

Contacted an old friend who I found out lives here. We got together, had fun, and decided to make it regular (maybe weekly).

Also got together with the bachelorette girls again—this time I hosted. Hopefully this will continue monthly at least.

I also made a date with a friend to celebrate her birthday.

I’m proud of myself for taking the initiative on these things. It makes me feel vulnerable, but it also gives me a chance to strengthen friendships, have fun, and learn not to listen to my fears/insecurities.

A friend’s informal bachelorette party turned into a great time with five girls and we are hopefully going to do it regularly. Even if it’s only once a month, it’s progress.

I need to revise this goal to focus on local close friends. Being homebound with an injury really hit me hard because I didn’t get visitors. I only have one local close friend, and she has babies. She came to see me once briefly because I asked, but that was it. It reminded me harshly that I need to work harder on building a community for myself. I know it’s not something that happens overnight, but I have to get out more on my own (not with boyfriend in tow) doing things I enjoy so I can meet people I have something in common with. This is one of the difficulties of being an adult … it’s not easy to make friends like in school.

Short-term:
I have lunch dates for the next two Saturdays, and a movie/tea date this Thursday. I have an August date to visit a friend in the country.

Long-term:
I’m planning on going to Florida to see a friend this winter. I’m trying to set up a reunion with two travel friends. I’ve got a trip with my boyfriend’s sister and sister-in-law (potential friends), and a possible reunion with my college girlfriends. Wow!

Called my old college friend. It was great to talk with her, and it was good to hear what she knew about our other friends. Then I got an email from another of the girls saying she would coordinate a reunion for ‘08 or ‘09. I’m so excited! I hope this will inspire me to call the others.

This also gets me thinking about the future. My current job is only stable through this year, so I really need to start looking for something permanent.