Cope

I CANT!

I am gonna help my friends next cope is in september.

my proficiency exam which is called “cope”, is tomorrow.Most probably and hopefully i will have coped with cope by the end of tommorow.Incase of failure I have diffents chances such as toefl,ielts,fce..etc.Yet,I want to get rid of it tomorrow…also..I wish all of others who will sit cope tomorrow,they all would pass…

I keep looking up at the sky, asking for a sign that things are going to change soon. It’s taking hold this time, wrenching at my insides. It’s really hurting. I’m going to see my psych again next week. I don’t know if that’s soon enough. I want to make this go away. I know one way to do it.these thoughts are back and they’re scaring me again but I can’t keep on banging my head against a brick wall. Every time I tick off one of my boxes, done. I find two more things that need to be dealt with. I’m going round in circles. The provrbial one step forward two steps back. This might be the time. My time. It’s natures way of telling me to throw my hand in. Take the hint.Your time’s up, bow out gracefully.

not coping at all. I’ve been crying all day to day. I went to see my gp but I had to leave. He’s refered me for more blood tests. Nothing has happened to me I’ve been bobbing along nicely lately, then after not sleeping for a few nights I’ve crashed again.I can’t explain why I feel so bad.I’m getting those thoughts again, they scare me because they get stronger every time. I don’t know how long it’ll last this time, I guess I just have to ride it out. I’m so exhausted.

Of course it’s worth doing, just can’t find the worth doing thing to click on. There is no other option. The alternative to coping is not coping and then everything just falls appart. I have to resolve to sort myself out. I’m 32. my mum can’t do it for me anymore! feel really weepie again today. Hope I don’t start blubbing in front of everyone.

I’m doing really well, I opened ALL my mail this morning , in one go. didn’t hide any in the drawer for later when I’m “feeling up to it” haven’t cried for two days.

I didn’t get anything bad in the mail today. I’ve managed not to cry in front of everyone in work. My solicitor is kicking ass now and i should get my D.I.V.O.R.C.E soon. whoop!

But I did make it through the day. And to be honest, it be a mighty shit day.
But this goal was formed from a promise I made and I’m a man of my word.

I’m not, and do not intend to sound like, a depressive person. I love life, I love it’s randomness, it’s irony, it’s humour, it’s beauty, it’s honesty. Even the bad.
But I will not allow myself to be depressed, I’ve been there before and I will not let it consume me.

This goal is a positive one. Keep up the smiles :)

I made a decision tonight, ok, more like a promise to myself, but I promise myself that I will cope with life.

This will mean different things to different people, but it’s important for me right now.