stop avoiding things

What are the things I am avoiding right now?

1. Checking my voice mails
2. Studying for the epi exam
3. Starting on my final paper
4. Paying bills
5. Buying Xmas gift for toy drive

That’s a long list!

Hmm, what a pickle. I decided that I’d try to think things through today and maybe tomorrow, too. (Or at least start on it.) But now I have no clue on what I really should be thinking about! I don’t know how to begin, what to do, how to try to solve things. I’m not sure if I can even do this alone, maybe I do need someone to guide me and tell me when I’m doing something “wrong”. I know I should probably talk to a professional, but it just feels so difficult – talking to a complete stranger, trying to keep everything together and explaining so many things… :s
And I’m bored again today. The weather is so so dull, it keeps raining and raining. I don’t feel like doing much, I’ll probably just end up camping on my bed and watching a ton of movies. Oh well~
I will have to face these things eventually, I know. But somehow it just doesn’t feel like the right time right now, I’m not in the mood for deep thoughts. :p

today I just feel like avoiding the whole freaking world. Everything annoys me, everything seems to be causing more and more problems and I just hate it. I wish it would all just go away.
I don’t want to deal with my studies, with money issues, with this ongoing illness of mine, with people, with my future, with this f&cking situation concerning my landlord and moving, I don’t want to deal with anything. I just want to crawl under the blankets and stay there. I’m tired of playing this stupid game, I just want nothing. I want to be blank, I want to be empty.
_{I know, it’s just what I’m feeling like today, it’ll pass again, but seriosly! Can’t I just get a break from everything, for f%ck’s sakes.}

I’ve stopped avoiding so many things, I think this is going really well. I’m also constantly feeling better and better about things, even though I am getting more and more things to do now and I feel like there’s just not enough time. But still, I’m doing pretty good. Of course I’m still quite lazy and everything, but at least I’m trying to do better and change things.
There are only a few things left on my ‘avoiding list’ and I’ll try to check those off very soon. Unfortunately one of them is pretty big and important and sad and probably won’t end too well, but… I have to stop avoiding it eventually, I just can’t let it hang in the air forever.

I think I’m having good progress in this goal,
I haven’t been avoiding things that much recently. Things are finally getting done. :)

I’m awful.

I’m actually avoiding more things than I am facing. I can’t even keep count of them anymore – I’m avoiding deciding anything about my future, I’m avoiding looking for a new apartment, I’m avoiding contacting one of my professors, I’m avoiding making decisions about my upcoming university course selections, I’m avoiding thinking about my possible minors, I’m avoiding Swedish, I’m avoiding some of my friends (but just a few, luckily), I’m avoiding Antonie and figuring things out with him (this probably saddens me the most :c), I’m avoiding doing anything useful, the list goes on.
And this is a crucial time for getting all of these things done, I shouldn’t be wasting any time. Sigh.

I don’t like that I’ve become like this but it seems that this one’s a hard act to break. I’ll just have to work hard on it (even though that’s just another thing I’m avoiding at the moment).

I made a start and actually got out my diary and added in my uni deadlines for this semester.

Diarising things makes them more ‘real’ and therefore harder to avoid for me.