not push her away the next time she shows up

I still believe that I should be alert to not push people away because of my insecurities and fears. I definitely want to have as many friends as I can, but I need to change the spirit of this item.

I originally added this as an attempt to “keep the fire alive” for an old flame. I realize now that living in the past means I can’t live in the present and I won’t be ready for the future. So, I’m waving bye bye to the past, taking whatever wisdom I can, and moving into the present in expectation of a wonderful future.

Oh, as a sidenote, I highly recommend the book Awaken The Giant Within by Anthony Robbins.

I met her at work. She trained me on my first day working with meds and I was impressed with how kind and patient she was. She worked a different shift than I did but we’d see each other from time to time. I didn’t think anything romantic about her because I thought she was married. She was, but I later learned that she had filed for a divorce.

February 10, 2005, I took a chance and gave her a valentine. I put the first poem I wrote for her in the valentine. I took her to Michael’s, the fanciest restaurant in Rochester, Minnesota, on March 10th. We went out four more times – meanwhile, I wrote a song and a plethora of poems for her.

In April of 2005, something happened that made her mad at me. I tried to figure out what I’d done, and I apologized just in case, but she told me that she didn’t see us ever getting together and I sunk into a bit of a depression. I never did learn what I did wrong.

I transfered to a different location at work and I’ve only seen her a handful of times since. I wish I could let her know that I’m sorry about whatever I did and I’d really like to be friends again.

Here’s one of the poems I wrote for her:

Friendship or More
Just to walk up to you with a smile and a card,
Required that I lower my conservative guard
I tried not to show it, but my heart was pounding.
It took all my courage, it took all my grounding.

The reason, dear Amber, that my nervousness reigned,
Is I will not allow, to have our friendship strained.
In the front of my mind is the first day we met.
You showed me such patience; I will never forget.

When you look in my eyes, the universe pauses.
Feelings of peacefulness is what your glance causes.
I could sit and listen to your voice all day long.
Its timbre’s angelic, in my soul, it’s a song.

I’d be very happy to stroll alongside you.
But risking your friendship is something I won’t do.
So breath easy Amber, for my intent is pure.
Bringing you any pain, I just couldn’t endure.

If you’d like to know me a bit better some day.
Well then just let me know, because I’d like the same.
But if from your standpoint you’d much rather be friends,
You still will amaze me, for your beauty transcends.
_{Copyright 2005 by Thomas Harper}