choose to not be a victim

I have an instructor who has not been paid for 7 months. The problem is, he’s an Army Reservist. So the upside here is that the money isn’t a necessity. The downside is that he hasn’t been paid for 7 freaking months. Part of the problem has been the admin guy at the other end claiming not to have received any documentation. Poor Lieutenant. He should not have written that in an email. I pulled up the emails I had sent from my archive, the ones, whose attachments are the very documents they need to pay this instructor. Then I sent them to him with a reminder he’s had them for seven months.

I understand busy completely. I understand forgetting and I understand that things fall through the cracks.

I suppose I’m trying to figure out if I should be upset about this, or just shake my head sadly. I’m leaning towards just shaking my head a little, shrugging my shoulders (since “that’s how life can be”) and moving on.

So how am I not being a victim here? Well, for starters, I’ve begun the extensive documentation this instructor needs for the next 12 months, so I have everything on hand to send in when needed. Next, I’m trying to move him into a system that’s a tad bit more user friendly. Yes, I’m trying to flip him to the Army National Guard, where I have considerably more influence and control over his pay. In short, I’ve begun looking ahead so I can avoid this issue in the future. Really, that’s all I can do, right? Be proactive, not dwell on the problems.

Part of what I do in my current posting is to help develop them as leaders. One key facet of that is to get them to own their strengths and weaknesses, their successes and their failures. Owning a failure isn’t easy, but it’s the first step in solving the issue. Until I own it, make it mine and be responsible for it, I can’t solve it. One of my cadets tends to talk his way out of owning failures. This bothers me, since it’s not behavior I, or my staff, model. Even more bothersome to me is the general tendency to avoid blame. Leaders can’t avoid blame, and the best leaders will take the blame for the mistakes of their subordinates. My current challenge, then, is to help my students face their successes and failures and own them, and begin to work on solving them.

Walking across campus, thinking of the upcoming field exercise, I reflected on all the things we had yet to do to prepare. Then I began to wonder, ‘Whose fault is it that we’re still missing this and this and that?’ Then it hit me. Who cares whose fault it is? The Army answer is “it’s my fault” since I’m the dude in charge. But honestly, finding fault or laying blame is just one more instance of being a victim. If I say, “this is so-and-so’s fault” or “that guy is to blame” then I’m refusing to do a lot of things. Mostly, I’m part of the problem, not the solution. By doing this, I distance myself from the problem, thus negating any part I might have had in solving it. Further, I expend emotional energy on NOT doing instead of doing. Even when I give the Army Answer and say, “hey, it’s my fault,” I abdicate a certain amount of responsibility, and keep others from being able to help out. Yeah, I know what the Officer Corps and Culture says. In reality, I need the folks who work for me – they’re the reason I’m here in the first place. Better to not spend time and energy on blaming and redirect it to solving.

Here’s to not playing the Blame Game.

OK, so I’ve given up on a couple of the Things. Please understand, I have nothing against strip poker, given that I play with the right person. And that’s just it – I know it’s all in fun and that stuff, got it. But really, for me at least, when it comes right down to it, I can’t keep that Thing on the same list as being a good Catholic. Driving home yesterday, I began thinking about it, and about Theology of the Body and all that. And to me, it has to be about not being a victim, taking the initiative, living honestly. I can’t reconcile wanting to consider a lot of those things and being a Catholic (which is why I mention Theology of the Body – anyone who thinks being a Cathlic precludes “gettin’ busy” needs to do a LOT more research). So I suppose all this means I don’t want to be a victim of some sort of societal expectation of “fun”?