Stop thinking in an "all or nothing" way.

are the worst when it comes to my all or nothing-thinking. I have 5 days off work for easter, which is including a weekend, so it`s really just 3 extra days. And when I have some days off work, I keep telling myself that I should just enjoy it, relax and do a few nice things, or maybe get a few chores done. But I just can`t help myself, I always end up making great plans of working like crazy to teach agatha to be alone, play piano for hours, do a lot of decluttering, invite friends over for dinner several days, read about a book a day, and all sorts of other unrealistic plans. And then I get overwhelmed by my own ambitions, thinking things like “well, I was going to play piano for 2 hours every day, and I`ve played for about an hour total, clearly I can just give up on pianopractice this easter.” I need to snap out of it. Now.

I had lots of plans for the weekend. I was going to fill out the application for finacial support for studies, in case I decide to go for that plan. And practise lots of piano. And start working on an article idea. Among other things. I haven`t done anything. Nothing! I`m just feeling overwhelmed and depressed my the whole situation. I really, really don`t know what to do when it come sto my career. I`m on 50% sickleave from work now, I can`t go on doing what I do, and my contract expires in january anyway, so I proably have to find something new. No idea what that is. I`m thinking about freelancing, but I`m having serious doubts as to wheter I have the energy and the skills to do that. It feels a bit hopeless really. And beacause of that I can`t even take the little steps to do somthing about it, I`m just paralyzed and procrastinating like crazy. I haven`t even been able to find the application papers (I have them somewhere but can`t remember where) or take a look at them this weekend. And I haven`t practised any piano, I`m in that “oh who am I kidding I`ll never be any good at this anyway” state of mind, so nothing gets done.
I`m really trying to do the little pieces instead of taking in the whole situation and going into that state of panick, but I can`t seem to do that now. Must try to work out how.

and it really keeps me from getting things done! Like playing piano for instance. On days when I don`t have the time or energy to sit down and play for an hour, I generally don`t play at all, it just doesn`t feel like it means anything. But, if I did sit down and just play through whatever piece I`m working on a couple of times on those days, or practice chords for 5 minutes, it would probably make quite a lot of difference in the long run. And when I do sit down to play, it usually find it`s so much fun I don`t want to stop…
And it`s really the same with so many other things. Such as that working on things to teach my dog to be home alone once a day, or once every second day, really is a whole lot better than not doing anything. But I find if I can`t do a huge traning programme and work on it lots of times every day, it doesn`t matter what I do, and I don`t do anything at all.

I need to change my thinking.