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Recent activity

Stubborn DreamerCan't complain to anyone... (Do not enter! Vicious Rant!)

... but the test (£380) said killer cells were at the high again, so we need a drip (£1590).

Just as I’ve relaxed a bit. Another £2K!

Now it’s not the matter of whether we cross £10K, but we’re really, seriously approaching £20K total bill! And it’s not over, far from that, 4 more weeks if no more, they even can decide we need closer supervision.

Why the HELL, these bills just keep coming and coming… so frustrating.
And they just smile and swipe your credit card again with those two-, three-, four- digits figures. And again. And again.
And you are not supposed to complain because the baby is more precious to us than any money.
And the Wife is going potty if you even that much as mention money.

But, do I bloody print money?!
Nope, I’m squandering my inheritance.
And I will have to work for them later for already two years extra, still paying off mortgage which could’ve been paid off with these money.
And yes this is what I’m frustrated about.
And yes I am fricking talking about it.

But there’s little point as all I can do is to swipe, swipe, swipe this credit card. And pay, pay, pay.

And hope it all turns well for the Wife and the baby who is already living its life there and is so much awaited here. So hope at least these money won’t be spent in vain.

That’s it, rant over. 3 days ago


Phil Fox 3 months ago


Stubborn Dreamer2nd Scan. The One!

I could see the little one’s heartbeat! It’s an actual wonder, new life coming out of the darkness.
They want to see us next week (unless bloods imply otherwise). Could be just the hectic tempo of being constantly monitored, is now subsiding. Will know later today how exactly it does.

The Clinic normally monitors you until 12th week, and then consider their deed done and pass you to antenatal services of your GP. I’m very glad we’ve changed to a different GP clinic right before, and now are in a (seemingly :)) much better one, used to deal with well-off villagers rather than council estate inhabitants. Makes all the difference.

There will be time to get a final bill to understand how much financial damage the course has done, but I won’t be pitying the money. It could be our baby here, with all those odds working against us! After all, God gave us both inheritances to keep us away from pecuniary worries at one of the most trying times of our life. Hopefully they will be put to best use.

So we’re just waiting now and eating, doing injections, monitoring… onwards, onwards. Let’s try to enjoy the process as well :) 1 week ago


Stubborn Dreamer1st scan (not the Big One yet)

This one today was to exclude ectopic P.
Well, it’s where it should be! One can see it! :)

There will be another scan somewhat later down the road, where they let you hear the heartbeat. But now it’s officially confirmed, there is one present in the proper place!

We can relax a bit now.
And, of course,
Keep fingers crossed. 2 weeks ago


Stubborn DreamerCautious "Yess!"

We’ve been through more hormonal misbalance, shouting abuse, refusing to go for treatments, or suddenly quite the opposite.

Continuing to go to London each or every second day.

Eventually we’ve had the E. transferred, and so far (help us God!) the meter keeps growing well… just recently the nurse has used the P-word. At one point it seemed that the meter had stalled, but it recovered, and I must say it was one of the most welcome events of latest months!

Of course, there’s still a long way ahead, all positive and negative odds, anything can really happen, but for now – this has happened! Sending it lots of love and health now. 3 weeks ago


FloconLaurie was born on December 6, 2013.

We love her to bits and could not be happier. 3 weeks ago


Flocon 15 months ago


Marisa Baer 3 weeks ago


jcw777jcw 3 weeks ago


confusedtimelord 4 weeks ago


thechaos 1 month ago


Christin3lots of discussions!

It’s been absolutely determined that this is next on both J’s and my list in life. Sure, we have our own goals, career-oriented and otherwise, but this one is our current focus. We really don’t have any money, and we don’t have any space, and while that’s not a huge concern in the beginning, we still probably won’t have made progress towards those things a few months from now. So the answer, at this specific moment, is still no. But it’s a priority.
Also, my mom has gotten to the point where she’s making barbed pregnancy remarks (what, you’re still hungry? Is there something you’re not telling us?? mwahahaha pats tummy) at my SISTER, who is younger than me and still in med school, so yeah…I think we’re all kind of vastly looking forward to this!! 1 month ago


Tjenixen 1 month ago


Stubborn DreamerOne Goal Precludes Another

With charges like these, all my monthly salary was drained from my account in 2 days. £6,000+ new charges for a week. £36 parking fees, £12 congestion charge and new tank of petrol, wife’s endless creams, treatments and £120+ for her meds don’t really help to kill the mortgage.

I stopped grieving for money, I think this is a sort of test; while you ‘re grieving for them, you don’t get to hold them. I just continue to manage my accounts well automatically, even though killing of mortgage has just moved years apart. Or may be not, there must be a way in store for me.

You thought that was easy? ;-)
She’s now receiving intensive treatments, daily blood tests (£60-120 a day), 3-4 scans a week, and now it’s 2 times blood test a day since tomorrow! :) She must stay in the city between the tests as she must be within 30 mins. from clinic.

Every day wake up at 4:20AM, bringing her to the clinic, then go to work as usual and go to bed at 12-1AM. I got used to it.

(Yes, the little crying boy in me still says: “Bu’ other people, others just fuck once and that’s all they need to do! pleasure added for free! why am Iiiii…”. I kick his backside. Complaining doesn’t get you anywhere, only makes things worse—always.

Onwards! The end is nigh. This will pass, too. 1 month ago


Jesspbrown91 1 month ago


spr1313 1 month ago


Stubborn DreamerLet the (...) Times Roll

Today we had an introduction for the IVF process.
Basically it means, LOTS of injections into her belly, every day being on the phone, coming there for tests at 7:30AM (which means get up at 4:30AM), and sometimes at 6:30AM (up at 3:30AM, first train really).
Oh, and pay pay pay through the nose (1 position in blood test = £30, 1 medicine = £80, 1 day of travel = £27 or £42, plus taxi back from station, etc.), and continue to work as usual, trying not to lose holiday entitlement and money.
Probably I will have to extend my car loan to obtain some extra money whilst I’m working on dealing with the financial aftermath of this treatment.
But the day will come when I will pay it all through and will deal with these fucking loans and mortgages which piss me off to no avail. 2 months ago


Stubborn DreamerMoving ahead

So far, tests, visits, tests, visits. £2000 or so already down the drain this month. But they are treating her now. She became much calmer now. I always knew these were hormones that deform her character. Hope when she gives birth it will be better.

(But in case it won’t, the results from my another goal, Deal with Abusive People, will be handy). 2 months ago


JasonJohnAnon 2 months ago


mstorres904 2 months ago


LOVEashokeefe 3 months ago


Kelly 3 months ago


Diana99 3 months ago


Christin3if I can't even support myself....

How could I possibly support a child? I feel like I want to have children for selfish reasons; unconditional love, to hear their laughter, see the world again through their eyes, to make them happy and strong and gifted and show them all the beautiful and amazing things of the world so that they in turn can influence and brighten others’ lives and make the world a better place, at least in my corner. But if I can’t support myself, how could I support a child? How could I afford to give and show them the things I want to give them? How could I give them confidence when I have so little in my current situation (besides my strong marriage)? But I feel, if I can’t change the world, perhaps, it is my children who will make a profound difference and in bringing them into the world, I will have made a difference? I don’t know…but indeed, I still want to have a family and give to them what was given to me, and pass things on, if you will… 4 months ago


Christin3So...

We’re not pinning down a date or anything, but in small convos, we’re kind of figuring out what we both really want and when and going off of that. I do want to actually go places next year, as that didn’t work out this year, and we need to get our own place, wherever and whatever it will be, but we’re serious about it. I mean, c’moon, I asked (newly pregnant) married friends of ours if they’d thought of any names or had any talks with their parents and they looked petrified! In the meantime, strange people that we are, J and I had picked out specific names for possible future children like within a year of dating, before we were even engaged! Actually, within a few weeks of dating, I told him that I’d gladly marry him and have his children, completely meaning it even though I was way a career oriented college girl at the time, and he wasn’t weirded out a bit, just lashed and said I’d have to wait a while before that happened!! So you see, this has been a very long time coming, about 6 years or so, and it will be at least another year yet I’m sure, but yeah…. 4 months ago


Christin3there isn't ever a "good" time.....

Or a financially sound time, or a safe time. But J and I have always wanted a family of our own, even before we got together and dated and got married. And I wanted to wait a few years and have him to myself, but it’s been almost 4 months already, and everything is pretty much the same as it’s always been, except stronger and secure and happier, but otherwise, we haven’t really changed. We want to go out and do things, and have fun, but with time and money constraints, it’s hard. And ever since I’ve been young, I’ve wanted nothing more than to be a mom. Sounds dumb, but it’s true. And at least I’ll have accomplished something that matters to me in my life, instead of this long line of rejections and struggles that all felt so forced in the first place.
And yes, I have many, many friends and relatives who have children, and I see their struggles and sacrifices and hear their complaints and worries, but so I’m not walking into this brainwashed that children are perfect little angels that never grow up. I work with them, play with them, am an aunt to some…so when J told me that we may finally have some relief, the first thing that flew into my mind was that yes, finally, we can actually start seriously thinking about a family of our own. And I was just so happy :-) 5 months ago


Stubborn DreamerJust selected the clinic

... where we’ll spend a lot of time & money and will undergo the IVF.

Sometimes a woman who wants a child badly is very tough to live with. It’s like a tank who just goes on and on towards her goal. Totally trampling the feelings, schedules and the entire life of the others.

Any mentioning about money makes her hysterical. “You don’t love me. All you care is money. You are disgusting. How do I live with you”. That from someone who doesn’t work for several years already, doesn’t even attempt to do housework, doesn’t speak language and doesn’t drive a car. Lovely. 5 months ago


jasmine7599 5 months ago


Stubborn DreamerPatience...

... is a difficult virtue when all you hear about at home, is IVF, periods, ovulation, sex, fertility appointments, fertility medicines, ££££ payments for IVF – for which you will have to take a loan, along with another ££££ payment for a stupid, whimsical, just a few days long but costing like a world cruise, break in exotic country, which will delay your getting in the black for at least 2 months.

... and she talks to her friends on the phone—one who just has undergone IVF, and is pregnant but broke up with her husband so is unclear of what further, so yours happily supports her… depriving your of her attention.

... suddenly you do 150% know the meaning of a Latin expression “ad nauseatum”. 5 months ago


SarahCLemonPants 6 months ago


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