think about things

So. One of my co-workers randomly gave me a Palm Zire 71. It’s no BlackBerry, but it’s free to use, which is a plus in my book.

I had been thinking about getting a Palm of some sort for literally years, mostly because I thought it would be nice to jot down my thoughts/notes/lists on some kind of digital unit so that I could a) not have to worry about illegible handwriting on the bus b) have electronic back-up of my writing and not have to worry about losing a scrap of paper, or it getting wet or whatever c) have a more private way to transcribe my thoughts (i.e. harder to see the whole shebang on the bus, can close the document easily if needed, don’t have a sheet or paper or notebook in my bag for my husband to find and read when I get home) d) have a more compact, convenient and lightweight way to write than a notebook or piece of paper.

Anyway, so far, it’s great. I haven’t experimented much yet with software add-ons, so there might be some neat stuff I could install.

It also has a camera which I did not realize when I accepted the “do you want my old Palm?” offer. It actually takes pretty reasonable photos and is great for random stuff where I don’t want to kick in or carry around the whole digital camera.

THE POINT IS, however, that I can now write pensive diary entries while on the bus to/from work, which takes about over an hour a day. Which is what I wanted.

Too much time (or nontime) lately thinking about nonthings.

Où est ma joie de vivre?

God will take care of it all…

My baby girl… me about to distroy my family and my mom’s

All I want to think about is getting caught up on my house. I am going to spend the evening cleaning, praying, and leaving it all to God.

How can I help my daughter

well today I talked to a friend that I have been chatting with for about 3 years.. we only met one time and he came on too strong for me.. but tonight I was going to allow him to spend the night becasue he had work in the next county.. my kids are home so I would sleep where I always do the chouch.. then as my son was playing on the im left on the screen… The friends words started to type to me or was it
here is the message

william appears to be offline and will receive your messages after signing in.

clerk wright: Im back
clerk wright: kids want on the computer but I wont let them because I want you to be able to reach me… if I am busy in the house and don’t know that your are on here call me at 606-424-6856
BUZZ!!!
clerk wright: Whistle
clerk wright: Welcome. I’ve been expecting you.
BUZZ!!!
william: Unless William plans on visiting you personally tonight, the two of you will not be chatting. -his wife!
clerk wright: cool..
william: tthats what I thought
clerk wright: thought what
clerk wright: I am divorced and he is ??????
william: Not, he’s married, a wife and two kids. Guess he’s not the MAN you thought he was, causes hes not the man we thought he was.
clerk wright: you all live together
william: Yes…. what did he tell you?
clerk wright: how long married
william: 25yrs but not for much longer, he’s all yours if you want him!
clerk wright: I was married 16 years.. he now is remarried to a 21 year old
clerk wright: He has talked to me on net for about 3 years.. as friends.. does he meet women…
clerk wright: Where is his office…
clerk wright: what made you check the computer tonight
clerk wright: hold on.. let me check something
clerk wright: Is he there with you
william: HELL NO, Is he with you?
william has selected the “Splitz Pop-Tarts” IMVironment.

clerk wright: no… never has been.. has made times to meet me, but I never have spent time with him
william: Sorry the hearts were making me sick!
clerk wright: thats ok
clerk wright: I am sorry for things.. I have been there
clerk wright: I am so guarded that I have never taken him up on meeting him until now.. I did not know he was married.. My ex left 4 times for other women.. and I am so sorry you are where you are..
william: Seriously is he there tonight, if so tell him not to bother coming home
clerk wright: I have been divorced for three years and every relationship has been simular.. but I get lonely… just me and kids… what is your name… mine is Ida
clerk wright: No he is not here tonight.. if you want to call me my number is 606-424-6856
clerk wright: It is just me Christian and Noah..
clerk wright: let me find the phone
clerk wright: Im back.. how long has he been or has he been meeting people behind your back
clerk wright: if he does show up here I will show him our conversation.. I don’t think he will .. I have always believed it was just a fantasy.. but I know why.. he is with you
william: You live in Pikeville right?
clerk wright: question… is he abusive..
clerk wright: yes why
william: NO hes to big of a #####, he cant even own up to what he’s doing. He’s in Pikeville tonight you should call him 606 432-8425
clerk wright: I don’t need to call him.. I don’t have to worry anymore about a man..
clerk wright: but I can call him for you
william: NO thats ok. just thought I would let you know he’s in town.
clerk wright: You have my number… you can call here and check if he gets here
clerk wright: but I will show him this conversation to show him that you know that he tries to do
william: thanks, I’ve seen enough bye
clerk wright: what is your name… I will have some fun the next time he even gets on line
william: Phyllis
clerk wright: I am Ida.. I will have fun with him on here and then delete him from my friend list.. thank you .. would never want to lay with a married man
william: thanks
william: bye
clerk wright: bye

I had no idea even after 3 years that he was married. I almost hurt someone like I had been hurt in my marriage..

Sorry

how fast my children have grown and how little time I have left with them before they become adults.

Today I am still trying to get my work out there, and take care of my children. So I have been thinking about how to get out of this rut and set an example of work for my children even if I have to walk.

I need to think about why as much as my mom and I love each other, why it is hard to hug or say I love you for me..