decide whether I could ever move

:)

My boyfriend wants me to move to his country next year.. When I left him I was sure I could do it and I even promised it. But things changed.

There is was feeling bit lonely, I didn’t have friends, family, acquaintances. I believe I am not able to make real friendship with the people there, our way of thinking and life-styles are simply that different… It was also difficult to make myself understood, but I got used to it. On the end it was normal to keep silent for the whole evening with his friends, it was normal not to understand the jokes and be closed into myself.. I even blamed myself for it, since I am an introvert person.. I got used to that lonely, isolated life, I even enjoyed it.

But things changed.. I came Home!

I had my life back, my Friends back, my Family back. I talked to everyone, every time, I talked to people I hardly knew, I had such a hunger for communication, for being really understood! I am so glad to be at Home! I walk on the dirty streets and I am happy! I travel hours by bus to my university and I am happy! I work for less money and I am happy! I am just so very happy to be at my beloved Home..

I will go back to see him on Saturday. I do miss him, but I am somehow afraid to leave this all behind even if it is only for 10 days. Isn’t it strange? I mean, I do love him and it hurts that he is not with me, but somehow I know:

I am happier here at Home, than there with him, but alone..

I don’t want him to wait for me if it is all vain.. But of course this visit could change everything.