listen more

I’ve began reflecting on my listening homework I was asked to do. I’ve determined that based on much of what I do, on the average day to day, is hypocritical. That’s right hypocritical. I don’t practice what I preach. I often find myself eating at my work computer. Yet I tell everyone at home and in the office not to. I let everyone know about better health choices. Then I turn around and eat wrong. There’s a lot more hypocritical things I do. What am I going to do now? Well I am going to look at my long list of things and I am going to do right by it. I am going to change my ways. Most people think others can’t change. It is but the first step that begins the life long journey. If you are dedicated and focused on your goals, care for yourself and your family, and you can look past the flaws of others you will be the best you can be. It is what it is. Or is it?

There always seems to be so much to say. Everywhere I go people are practically begging for good sound advice based on wisdom and knowledge. So few people seem to have taken the time to truly learn about or understand the nuances let alone the generalities of even the most fundamental concepts and topics. Even topics that people should be well versed upon and fairly knowledgeable about such as politics, I find that (generally speaking) ignorance abounds. It is very disturbing to me that such should be the case but it is in large part this perception of a mass affliction of ignorance that fuels my desire to communicate as many wisdoms as my energies and breath will allow…

Due to my job I do have to listen to a lot of people giving me a lot of, often unimportant or irrelevant, information. Because of this I often find that I’m half-listening to people, trying to work out what the problem is and whether I am expected to offer a solution. Often, I’ll realise with relief that I don’t need to do anything about what they’ve said so I just make some kind of suitable ‘uh huh’ noise and they go away. Hours later when the other million things on my mind have been dealt with, I realise that what the person was telling me (while not important to me) was quite important to them and that I really ought to have showed more interest. Of course, by that time, it’s too late and I feel bad and they probably do too.

It’s really hard when you’ve got loads of things to deal with to stop and give someone undivided attention but I’m going to try it for ten days and see if I go under…

I talk far too much, and I thought I was a good listener, but actually I’m very very lazy. I skim through things, missing a lot, and I am quite dismissive. Must listen to people more, especially now knowing that most others know much more than I do.

One friend and I have some trouble communicating. We both think it stems from a lack of clear listening on the part of the other. We tried to talk it out, but both of us got frustrated. We’re still friends and all, but there’s something about us that crosses wires a lot in everyday conversation. Being aware of this at least helps.

I cannot help but feel that there is much I miss out on, i.e., knowledge, friendship, advice, encouragement, etc… because I am so intent on being heard! I am going to make a concerted effort this week to only speak when I am asked a direct question, never volunteering information or advice, and see if my listening skills improve as a result.

Distracting thoughts, mental chaos, thinking two steps ahead of myself – all those interfere with inner calm. They also interfere with real listening to others. When I don’t listen well, I think I fill in the blank spots with assumptions, which are based on my own past experience, not on the other person’s comments.

As I practice finding stillness in my own head, disrupting thoughts will fade and I’ll be able to pick up more from what others are trying to say, maybe understand more, maybe learn more, definitely expand my perspective more. It’ll be hard to break a habit of constantly trying to think two steps ahead all the time, trying to anticipate and avoid problems or possible tasks.

I need to work on that!

Being aware of exactly what people are saying, they give more away than just their words.

my boyfriend constantly says that i don’t listen very well.
i need to really work on this if he is pointing it out.