listen more

I am overly opinionated, amused with myself, and love the sound of my own voice. lol It takes a lot for me to remind myself to zip my lips and let others speak without me cutting in. There’s a time and place for everything.

I am getting used to it a bit more now. Still a long way to go, but I’ve been a bit more successful keeping my ego in check and pointlessly hogging conversations!

It’s been a thoroughly crap day but I did manage to think more about the way I reacted to people during conversations; I stopped myself from butting in on a couple of occasions and asked a question instead. So this has really been a positive and saved my day from being a 1/10! New goal – look at the day’s positives…

I don’t think I am actually that bad at listening, I’ve just realised that it’s the way I respond that needs work. I need to ask questions rather than waiting to jump in as soon as the other person has stopped speaking. Now there is no point in asking questions for the sake of it but if it is done properly it will improve my understanding of someone and what they have to say. I think that will also the convey the interest in people that I genuinely have but have never managed to get across because of my previous approach. THAT is what I actually need to work on.

It is probably more accurate to say that my goal is now ‘listen better’ rather than ‘listen more’, but I will leave the goal as it is. I am now quite excited about working to make this a habit. So this week when I have conversations, I will ask at least one question. I reckon that should be a gentle way to get used to it.

How difficult can it be to just keep quiet and not say anything for a short while? The answer is ‘quite difficult’ – for me. It turns out that I have a big mouth. On the plus side, even though I wasn’t totally succesful I did manage to make myself aware of my goal during a few conversations today which is a step in the right direction. Next step…before I tackle my urge to fill any conversational space, I will just practice being aware of my goal during each conversation with the aim of making it a habit. Not sure that makes much sense, but I know what I mean!

I’m usually so keen to share my next conversational ‘gem’ that I usually don’t listen enough to what and how the other person is saying. So I am going to really focus on listening tomorrow; I’m not quite sure how I am going to measure my success or failure yet, but for now I think I will consider it an achievement if I can remind myself to concentrate on the other person during two seperate conversations.

This is more of a confession… HA!
Ok: Sometimes, I really just don’t have the energy to listen to people who have no objective or focus what they’re talking about OR if they’re just having a vent about something that I don’t think is that big a deal in the first place (which isn’t for me to judge anyway…).

Also when listening to someone who has difficulty expressing themselves reasonably coherently> not only is it confusing- it takes a lot of patience and energy.

I’m aware that this sounds incredibly selfish and uncaring but that doesn’t automatically put me in the “bad person” category does it? Sometimes we get a bit snappy… I’m not sure whether these feelings are justified or not, but this is honesty.

Interestingly enough, most of my friends do not confront me. I am used to being The Queen Bee.

This year, I have had some wake up calls.

I am very grateful for the people who have shown me that I really need to shut up!!

I learned to survive through forcing myself to be socially aggressive. It is time to learn humility and grace.

Breathing and meditation, being conscious fully all help.

I don’t have to fill in silence, either.

I want to float, be breathy and deep, all at once.

I am glad to have some personal coaches, one in particular.

The power of the mind is truly amazing. If you believe in something, view it as important and genuinely want it, then you can have it!

I’m finding now, that I don’t need to “remind” myself, to look at someone in the eyes when they’re talking to me, or to “look interested” in what they’re saying, or to stop talking over the top of them and let them finish.

Once you get into a ‘routine,’ there’s a part of you the evolves, you’re developing! I’m developing!

To listen properly, shows amongst other things, that one has patience, care, consideration, humility, and perhaps some wisdom (knowing that there may be something new to learn). It also is a quality appreciated by nearly everybody and highly sought after in friends! = )

I have a tendancy to just be so caught up in my life and what i have to do that there are many times where i dont give enough attention to the people in my life. For example, i have a friend who has a particular problem at the moment (actually she’s had it for about 6 months and this i know because she counts the days). Anyway each ‘DnM’ session takes quite a long time to finish up, my mind can’t help but wander … especially if she’s already told me what she’s telling me (which most of the time she has)... OR or if i bump into someone, say the quick ‘hi!’- sometimes i don’t even look the person in the eye! (or at least long enough) whilst i keep going. This is not because i’m rude or snobby, its just one of those things that i do without thinking, because i’m so intently focused on what i’m doing or have to do. However, being somebody who is extremely self-aware, i realise that this is what i do! (then i feel rude)

Mini-goal: Even if i’m in the middle of something, if i’ve got a hundred things all running through my head at once but someone needs to talk, or even say hi, from now on i’m going to stop and acknowledge. Stop and acknowledge…

One day, some day, i’ll need someone at a time probably not convenient for them…