Find peace with myself

I can’t say as I’ve finished this but I do feel like I’ve made a whooole lot of progress. I’ve grown a lot since the last time I put an update here. And grown up a lot. I’ve also learned how to be happy a little more often. Not necessarily giddy-happy but more the calm accepting sort of internal happiness. Almost peace.

There’s still a lot of work to be done. Isn’t there always? But my internal state has improved so much it’s not even funny.

I finally stayed true to myself on Friday. I did something that I’ve been wanting to do for WEEKS now but have been putting off because I guess I was afraid to go alone. I forced myself to go and have some fun and it was actually quite great. I’m starting to like the idea of doing things by myself and enjoying the peace and silence it brings. I feel more relaxed now which is good. Tomorrow I will do much of the same…starting new again. And taking yet another step toward finding my own happiness because it’s much more important than what anyone else thinks of me.

I feel that I have made a lot of progress in the couple of months since I decided that this was a serious goal for me. I feel much more…. functional. I am learning not to panic over small things and working on not panicking on larger things.

Just when I think I have things in order, such as bills, money, health insurance, work related problems, friend issues, etc., something else surfaces and all of the chaos starts over again. I just feel like I never have a break. I’m always running running running. And I’m tired tired tired! I wish I had the ability to just sit on my back porch, take in nature, and enjoy my life just a few hours each day instead of getting caught up in all this other stuff which causes me stress. I feel like life is passing me by and I’m not enjoying it. I don’t have a good balance of this yet but I’m going to start working on it.