Stop throwing up

i’ve been purging for over a year and i really don’t care. I do it about 1-2 times a day and then drink this thing so my teeth don’t rot from the acid. I don’t seem to care what it will do to my health and i don’t feel like i’m suffering because of it at all. Yes, other things get me down but not this i dont understand

i have been making my self throw up because I don’t like the way I look and i’m sick of it..I know it might be bad but I don’t care…yeah that might sound stupid but it helps me cop with what i am doing..but I just don’t think I will ever stop.

i was bulemic for 4 years. it got pretty bad twords the end. when it got to the point where i couldnt keep down one cracker i realised what was happening to me. i had almost stopped eating in gerneral. i maybe ate about 3 times a week and what i ate came up in less than 30 minutes. it was hard to overcome but i did it. started drinking shakes in the begining, then slowly worked my way back to solid food. and i have never regreted it. i love the fact that i can sit down and have a cookie. i love the fact that i dont have to make excuses for why i go to the bathroom all the time. i love the fact that i know my teeth wont rot away. i guess i just love the fact that i gained back the control of what was happening to me.

I hate the thought of making myself sick, I drag myself of to the toilet after my family evening meal every night and take a deep breath and just do the ritual. I’m scared about what I’m doing to my health but could never imagine not purging

same here.

Its taken over my life.

i struggled with this for a long time, & finally I convinced myself that it’s not worth all of the long term damages to my body. I’d rather go to any other means than throwing up. if you just google the risks of purging or bulimia or something you can find hundreds of horrific pictures, stories.. etc.
good luck to everyone still working on this.
I’d just like to say I joined an anorexia group on Livejournal about a week ago & it’s been really helpful to me (I’m not recovering from anorexia, but its just a friendly place where we all understand each other).
anyway, you guys might try livejournal as they have a lot of groups where you can really talk with people who know what you’re going through & its a lot more interactive than this site.

I hunch curled up
Actually in a darkened corner
My back’s turned to those who love me
I can’t bear the thought of human contact.
I claw
I crave
I cry
I want to be ANYWHERE but here
And nowhere.
The strength of my desperation
I count the hours til I escape once again.

I started barfing when I was 14. I’m 29 now. At first it was for weight loss and it totally worked. Then it was so I could drink more at parties. Now it’s because my body makes me. When I throw up I get bitchy. My boyfriend knows about it and I know it totally grosses him out- I was over hiding it years ago. I want to lose weight, but don’t want to be controlled by pills, barfing, or starvation. I’ll try to be healthy and it lasts for a few days. I’ll excersize stop alcohol, and eat vegan. Then I’ll not lose weight fast enough, get fed up and eat more or drink more. I’m so frickin’ sick of it, it makes me want to puke!

i just had a thought- as an eating disorder sufferer, how much time do we spend saying ‘soon’?! everything will be good ‘soon’, ‘when i look, feel, do, when i AM better..’ always waiting to reach your goal, whatever that is (lose a few kilos, stop throwing up long enough to let your face de-puff etc) but never actually reaching it until we truly do start to get better. i’ve spent nearly the last two years denying my self things, saying and believing that SOON i would be able to have them – ‘when i can fit into my jeans again i can go to the pub like i’m being invited to now. next week, next week i will be able to go’ – but just living in a self perpetuating nothingness. it’s something to think about. i still think that so soon i’ll feel better about myself, and everything will turn around.

but how does living like this make you feel better???