younghearts summer rain
so...
5 months ago
this is difficult to do. I have purged a few times since my last entry. I hate this. So much.
How to stop throwing up
It made me
relived/worth while 
"my fight with bulimia was the hardest thing ive ever done "
How I did it: i started halfway through yr 8. i just stopped eating i didn have a reason or one i understood i just stopped, a friend made me buy a sandwhich everyday and eat a little bit. she built it up so by the end of yr 8 i was almost eating normally. it turned out that this was how i dealt with personal crisis and my familys bad reaction to my trying to tell them i wfas bi is how it started.
for the next two years i suffered on and off and by the middle of year 10 it was the worst lept secret among my friends more of whom knew then i wanted to admit. so once again a friend came to the rescue, at first it was simply making sure i ate and kept it down. but by the end of year 10 they were sick of my relapses and decided to drag it into the relm of adults. they tried to force me to tell a teacher.
it was their faces that gave me that epiphany. as i looked at each at them i saw the strain id caused them, the worry, shock and eventual disappointment.
i disappointed them that day, i didnt tell the teacher but i promised myself and secretly them that i would stop.
Lessons & tips: start with small things reintroduce them to your system
get through each single and if you slip up dont ounish yourself simply say - il try harder
tell someone get them to help you give them permission to interviene
buy a top or a pair of pants and say il fit into them one day il put on some healthy weight
pick a good weight and a bad weight - if you reach the bad weight tell your friends you need proper help - if you reach the good weight celebrate with your friends and use that weight as the next step not to fall beneath
Resources: the best resources are your friends and your self worth
your friends can help a lot
your self worth should tell you - i deserve better
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Entries
aubreymai is sitting waiting wishing
stop throwing up
5 months ago
i said i would. but i cant. i dont want to ask for help because it shouldnt be so hard to just stop cold turkey. why is it so hard? you just keep crawling back to it. i feel dirty
younghearts summer rain
today...
5 months ago
was hopefully the last day that I purge. Tomorrow I am starting my exercise and diet plan that I am going to stick to until September 7 2009.
younghearts summer rain
this is going to take a while...
6 months ago
...because it has become a habit for me
younghearts summer rain
Untitled
7 months ago
I don’t think I have bulimia or anything, but sometimes when I feel like I ate too much at dinner, I throw up before I take a shower, and it makes me feel better. I want to stop doing this, because it has become an unhealthy habit and I feel bad about doing it. I think I should start exercising more instead.
Untitled
18 months ago
i’ve been purging for over a year and i really don’t care. I do it about 1-2 times a day and then drink this thing so my teeth don’t rot from the acid. I don’t seem to care what it will do to my health and i don’t feel like i’m suffering because of it at all. Yes, other things get me down but not this i dont understand
throwing up
19 months ago
i have been making my self throw up because I don’t like the way I look and i’m sick of it..I know it might be bad but I don’t care…yeah that might sound stupid but it helps me cop with what i am doing..but I just don’t think I will ever stop.
Untitled
20 months ago
i was bulemic for 4 years. it got pretty bad twords the end. when it got to the point where i couldnt keep down one cracker i realised what was happening to me. i had almost stopped eating in gerneral. i maybe ate about 3 times a week and what i ate came up in less than 30 minutes. it was hard to overcome but i did it. started drinking shakes in the begining, then slowly worked my way back to solid food. and i have never regreted it. i love the fact that i can sit down and have a cookie. i love the fact that i dont have to make excuses for why i go to the bathroom all the time. i love the fact that i know my teeth wont rot away. i guess i just love the fact that i gained back the control of what was happening to me.
Untitled
21 months ago
I hate the thought of making myself sick, I drag myself of to the toilet after my family evening meal every night and take a deep breath and just do the ritual. I’m scared about what I’m doing to my health but could never imagine not purging
