deal properly with my mom's death

my mom died a couple weeks ago.i loved my mom so much i just couldnt belive it her heart stop and the doctors would not try to shock her back to life. i am only 12 years old i was a mamas boy becuz i loved my mom so muh. i wish i could have traded her life for mine noone feels my pain or understand me so read this then text me back i need help and i hate doctors for now on intell i die bye and thanks for listening to me bye.

I am 42 year old introvert. My mother and I had a hard time in life. We had each other and that was pretty much it.
My mother was 82 when she died. She had COPD and diabetes. She had fallen on Labor Day and it took 2 days to convince her to go to the Dr’s. She had a broken rib and fractured rib. They gave her Vicodin and sent her home. I was on vacation that week and was with her. She wouldn’t eat or bathe so I was after her all the time to do both. Monday, 9/14. she complained of pain and i made her eat a bowl of cereal before getting the pill.
I left for work. She didn’t pick up when I called at 1pm and at 5pm.
When I got home she was on the floor of her bedroom dead.
The medical examiner said it was quick and there wouldn’t have been anything I could have done. I don’t believe it.
She had oxygen delivery that day.
She was trying to get her portable oxygen together when she died.
The phone was in the bathroom, she wasn’t hooked up to her oxygen and she wasn’ t using her walker.
I think the pressure of dealing with the oxygen delivery caused the initial problem and if I’d been there I would have been taking care of everything and it wouldn’t have happened.
I have been depressed most of my life and I honestly don’t know where this is going to end up.

My mom just passed after a massive stroke and a month in the nursing home. I miss her. I am just beginning the grieving process and hope I can deal with her death in a healthy way.

... with this goal.

It’s a lifelong process. One never gets over the loss of a loved one. Yet one can get through all the initial craziness that comes with losing that person.

There’s a lot of change happening, mainly work-related, and I’m dealing with it as best as possible. In fact, I’m using this change to reassess my whole life. Not an easy task, but necessary.

Taking this goal off my list, saying it’s been completed, doesn’t feel entirely accurate. So I’m going to keep it on here until it feels O.K.

Mr. F says that will be never, but I disagree.

• Learning to live again
• Mysteries (both from Rita Rogers – very highly recomend everything written by her)

... i’m not sure if i’m working on grieving or merely distracting myself from it.

It’s one of my patterns.

Yet, my mother would want me to go, go, go.

it’s been just over nine months, and i’m doing as well as i can.

i’m slowly getting back to my own life, yet continuing to take care of what needs to be done on my mom’s estate … it takes forever, as the experts know.

i’m crying when the tears come;
honoring my mother in my actions and continuing to be true to myself;

one day at a time … it’s happening.

i’ll always miss her, just like i still miss my dad after 23 years, yet i’m getting through all the difficult stuff.

knowing spring is almost here is helping … i’m coming out of my cave more often. :)

and am working on a project that is fun, a learning experience and good for building upon my career goals.

i probably need to socialize more often, but i’m not going to force it.

may you all at 43T be doing well and loving life.

ellie

• I Wasn’t Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Death of a Loved One,
• From One World to Another
• The Five People You Meet in Heaven
• The Year of Magical Thinking
• If the Spirit Moves You: Love and Life After Death

My boyfriend took a picture of me the other day. It was a beautiful sunny Sunday and I was thinking if mom can see me from heaven. Later that day, we exported the pictures on our laptop and there was a perfect circly of light around my figure. It did not touch anyone else on that picture… I believe that this is mom^s way to reassure me that she is looking at me…

I dreamed about mom last night. She was healthy and alive. I couldnt say anything, there were only tears rolling down my eyes and I was looking at her. She was so beautiful…