Love honestly and softly.

When I first thought up this goal I was thinking only of how I wanted to treat others. But I realized that this is a goal for loving myself honestly and softly, too. Only when I do this for myself can I give it to others. The other day, as I was walking away from a friend that I just had coffee with I felt that I said good-bye too quickly and wondered if I should have stayed longer. Then I caught myself doing this and gently told myself that it was okay and not to worry about it. And it was okay.

I’m glad that we connected after such a long distance. You looked happier than the last time I saw you, and I’m grateful for this. You’re still struggling with your demons, I saw this too. Still, you seem further ahead and more at peace with yourself. I marvelled at how many different life experiences you’ve amassed in your lifetime and at your humility.

Lately, I’ve been feeling a beautiful surge of love pouring out of me. It feels like I could leave traces of it with my finger tips. I was thinking of someone today that I wanted to kiss, and I wanted to touch his face so that he’d know everything would be okay and that he’s loved by me. This love feels intense, warm, forgiving, joyful. I want to run down the street and share it with everyone. I’ve never experienced this feeling before. Even in moments of disagreement with someone, I’d still be able to show my love for them.

I don’t get why my previous boss keeps asking me to resume working on the project that I resigned from. He’s done everything to antagonize me – from not caring whether I got paid on time to not calling when he said he would. Today, I got another email from him asking me where everything was left off [which I’ve already answered several times] and telling me that it’s become urgent. Well, he should have thought of that before he acted like a jackass. Now, he’s in a bind and is trying to suck up to me. It’s too late.

Aside from this feeling of being harrassed by him, I see that this is how he deals with his pain. I deal with mine differently. He’s someone who just doesn’t get it and can’t see past himself to take in others. This is sad because these issues happen to him all the time, and will continue happening to him as long as he keeps making these mistakes.

I’m going to send him a final email restating my resignation, and exact details on how to finish the project, which anyone can do at this point. This will be it; I’m not going respond to anything else. I have the feeling he’s not going to be satified with my response, but too bad. I have enough dignity for myself not to go back to a bad situation, and by going back he’ll think that he can continue treating people badly.

It’s the warm grasp of a deep connection,
Laughter that comes from a mutual like.
We ask each other for nothing.
We get each other, whole.
I hold you lovingly in my thoughts.
Nothing is personal.
Vent, baby.
I’ll hold you.

Be honest and kind in my words and actions. Treat the people I love as if each day would be the last I’d spend with them. This is love.