stop taking things so personally

That’s what I’m calling myself. Yeah I know it’s not PC to use the word retard but that rule goes out the window when you apply it to yourself. It’s frustrating me that I’m not picking up web publishing as quickly as I’d like. Okay so I haven’t done the course yet but I have been shown a few times. There’s just a couple of things that I’m not getting the hang of and I don’t like to keep asking the same person all the time because then they will start calling me a webtard. At this point I’d prefer to leave the web stuff to my minion and just do the writing really but better to have another string to my bow even at the risk of feeling webtarded at first…

the world is putrid pile of ruptured guts and festering pus filled boils spread on the surface of a big pile of shit. So why are two women over there laughing and so fucking happy don’t they know they’re the generation who’ll be known by their descendants as the depression generation. what’s there to be so happy about?

Oh yeah unlike me they’re normal.

My old boss was really good. My new boss is not. Last week he asked to have his name added as an author to a paper that I wrote a contributing paragraph for.
1. It was a measly 6 lines to someone else’s internal paper. You don’t take credit for that. Well not in my experience anyway.
2. He didn’t write it. I did. But that’s beside the point. It was 6 lines!!

It’s so pathetic, it’s laughable!! But it does sound the warning bells big time!!! Because this is what he does obviously, and that’s how he’s got to where he is.

I am revelling in the fact that I’m not taking this personally but he won’t be getting away with this sort of behaviour with me if he tries to do it on a larger scale project.

Taking things personally is one of my fortes. It shouldn’t be….

I wonder if I will ever mark this as done! Maybe this is just going to be a venting space. Anyway….today’s issue is my performance review. I have had 2 performance reviews in my current job and they have both been good supposedly and yet, I don’t seem to get the financial recognition that comes with those reviews. And trust me, I ask for it cos that’s the only thing I care about.

So as I was doing this year’s one, it struck me…why waste my time? There is a certain amount of irony in investing so much time in writing a document, having a discussion, finding out that you have performed well and yet getting nothing in return.

So I may not bother doing it. I will explain that I consider the process to be flawed. Or am I just stupid?

I had a good heart to heart with my parents today about my growing temper issues. Apparently now that I don’t “binge and purge my feelings” (according to the eating disorders people) I am starting to actually feel things. Of course, as my dad quite rightly pointed out, I’ve always been strong-willed!

Anyway I’ve noticed that I’m taking all sorts of things personally and then going in for a defensive attack. The people at risk are the people who least deserve this – this is usually the way isn’t it – or the people that I can least afford to carry out this sort of behaviour with (even if it is justified and could be described as assertive).

I need to learn not to take things so personally, not to dwell on these things and to learn to let things go! Most of these things are not about me at all.

I’ve got it bad even at my age. I get down when things don’t go my way.

I’m trying to become more calloused, lest my enemies get to me easily.

my boyfriend has a weird sense of humor where he likes to make fun of me, and say mean things just for the fun of it. he doesn’t actually mean any of it. now i see how it can be funny, and i do it back, and i dont take any of it personally cause i know now when he’s serious and when he’s not. so yay, i don’t have to waste my time getting my feelings hurt over stupid shit.