climb into bed and cry and cry and cry

My stomach cramped and I ran out of tears. But I feel a lot better now.

maybe they’re not ready to fall or maybe there aren’t any this time.

I’ve not long woke up and just grabbed my laptop to check this addictive site before I get up. [I’m a 43Junkie]

But upon adding one of my new goals, my eyes just welled up. It has to do with me using humour as a shield, and I’ve lost my humour lately, and I feel vunerable. I want my humour back. I want to feel protected again.
But anyway I’m marking this as done, a tear didn’t actually fall, but the eye water made me feel a little better, albeit at the sake of my machoness.

.

i realize that there are still tears that i must cry

my mother surprised me by visiting my blog and commenting on several of my recent poems. her comments were so lovely and sensitive to me, self-depracating to herself – with regards to my personal sadnesses over the recent weeks.

unexpectedly i discovered myself crying, and i let go for just a few minutes.

not enough, but it felt like a good release.

for the tears.

instead i climb into bed and have horrible dreams. could be cause Raph’s sick and waking me up with coughing fits every half hour, so i can’t get to sleep deeply enough and have these fucked up dreams.

beginning to think crying would be better.