stop picking my skin

After an hour and a half pick fest which equals swollen red marks all over…

-Ice pack.. kept on face for several hours alternating left and right cheeks.

-Benadryl.. to combat redness and swelling.

-Hydrocortisone.. to combat redness and swelling.

-Aveeno skin calming LOTION.. with chamomile and feverfew to combat redness and even out skin tone and calm skin.

And in one day! BAM! no more redness, swelling, or pain. I feel like I was given a second chance. I went out last night…the day after a pickfest which I never do…with a boy..and had a lot of fun. I’m glad I didn’t let it get me down. I Still missed out on seeing my favorite band live the day I picked..wasted $25 on the ticket…so sad.

But yea! Try it my miracle cure! It works!!! It speeds up healing by a few days! Really! It takes away from the raw painful red feeling your skin has after a pickfest!

Super happy…gotta just keep going.

:(

So, is anyone else having a terrible start to what most normal people think of as a fun weekend because they don’t want to be social because they have picked sores all over?

UGH! Now I’ve started to pick at ingrown hairs on my legs. WTF? Shouldn’t this be getting better as I grow more aware, not worse?

I was doing good for the entire month of June…I had a pickfest today. I feel like most of the healing I did now means shit.

I had sex with this boy I’ve always had a thing for since high school .I had alot of fun with him, we hung out yesterday. Now I’m afraid of him asking me to hang out…my face looks red and swollen and terrible…i dont want to put on makeup. And this other boy I was seeing is coming back from touring with his band and will want to hang out. I like both of them…and now I want to hide. So not fair.

I freaked out! I pick all over my face. I dont know why I lost control. I kept telling myself I didn’t care. But I DO care. I want to take care of myself and my body. I want to be happy. I want to not avoid the boys I like and make it seem like I’m not into them. I am. I totally am.

My face brokeout like CRAZY today, I feel like I had some sort of reaction to something I ate. My face went crazy…then I went crazy…in the bathroom for like an hour and a half.

Now I;m sad…I dont know why I couldnt stop. I wanted to…Why didn’t i????

I had tickets to see one of my favorite bands today and of course I’m not going now.

And I still don’t know why I picked. I need help. I’m so stupid. So Stupid! They’ll never understand.

Day 1…AGAIN.

I really dont know anymore… This is a rollercoaster and its NO fun :( One minute am happy as can be and the next sad and depressed. I was really doing good, I was going to therapy and excersing,eating healthy drinking more water, going out having fun and I was keeping busy…and then all of the sudden this same bump comes back when it was almost gone!! Its like a big bump but with no head ugh I pinched it so it could just pop already and nothing!! so I squeezed a few others not that bad,but that big bump is really stressing me out it bugs!!! just from that i get all this anxiety and sadness because I was doing so good…. UGH I HATE PIMPLES !!! Its mixed emotions your fine and then your not happy then sad worried and anxiety ,stressed and comes deppresion and sadness and the guilt the pain the failure the negative thoughts in your head that wont let you at peace with yourself!!! I mean ONE bump created this whole thing!!! I CANT LET IT GO!!!! thats why I could never be at peace with myself its a never ending WAR!!! Its always raining in my head ….Imagine being chained to the one person in the world who you hate the most… and you know you’ll never be able to escape from them … Imagine realising that you HATE who you’ve become… and knowing that you have to live with that person who has hurt you so much for the rest of your life…. When is this gonna end ?

It amazes me how one day I can have hope that I will beat this, and others leave me thinking I will be doing this for the rest of my life.

On Thursday, I had a major pick fest on my arms. Swore not to do it again, but went crazy on Friday night doing it.

I had a party on Saturday, freaked out about my arms. Everything went ok.. I went to bed feeling way better and promising to not pick again.

Today, I picked again! Also picked a little on my face!

I want to be normal. I want to wear sleeveless shirts without looking like a leper. I am so hopeless right now because I just don’t know how this will ever end – and if it does, my arms are so scarred and dry that they look like an 80 year olds arms. UGH.

I have to stop this. I am at the point of tears right now. I dont know why I do it. Its like I feel that if I squeeze a certain spot that it will flatten out and there will be beautiful clear skin beneath. I KNOW this isnt the case so why do I do it. I feel sick to my stomach. My face looks and feels like a mine field. I have 2 scabs and one sore on its way to a scab because I squeezed it so hard.

This is a horribly disgusting compulsion and as much as I want to blame the haggard look of my face without makeup on my acne, its alllll on me. I picked and I made it look like a sick mess. I dont get it. This always happens when I go for very long not picking. I made it 19 days and my skin looked great and I squeezed one spot, started my count over, and have been picking everything that pops up since. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY??? Why do we do this?

I was so close to making it through a full Day 1 and then I kept running my fingers over all the spots on my face and I just went into the bathroom and had a full on pick fest. What the hell? Why do I do this? My face is all red and lumpy and swollen now.

I have had bad acne for about 7 years, it has went down quite a bit since I was 15, but it seemed to have left a bit of damage to my skin from picking, and whats worse is that I still breakout.
So today I picked once again after telling myself not to! So I Googled this site, and now I am hopeing that this will help me quit picking at my skin!
I am going to try to remember that my dream is to be a model so that will help me towards my goal also, I know that it will help me in the long run.
Untill then, I am washing my face with Acne Free, which is the best clenser that I have ever used other the Clear Zone. Believe me I have tryed everything!!
Also, I am a lactos Vegan, Meaning I drink milk… But whenever I do it seems to be making my breakouts worse so I am slowly cutting myself off, and am going to be taking supplements.
I also see a very good improvement when I workout, so I will try to do that atleast 4 times a week.
Anyway I will be putting up signs infront of my mirriors to help.. and in my “to Do” book :)
Then I hope I can come back on here and write I did this :)
Good luck everyone.. I know that anyone can do this! For ourselfs

I did well today. I’m proud of myself for not engaging in this destructive behavior. I’m really trying to treat myself, and that includes my skin, lovingly.