say yes to life

I said Yes on a whim to two things last week and this is what happened.

My first Yes was to attend a yoga workshop on concentration. Or, at least, this is what I thought it was because the flyer had an illustration of a man in the lotus position serenely meditating while iPod’s and clutter swirled above his head. It turned out to be a seminar about the path toward spiritual consciousness, which turned out to be fantastic. The lecturer was a soft spoken, lively Frenchwoman. She took us through the different levels of conscious awareness as illustrated by a Tibetan painting on this very topic. The painting depicted a man’s path through six stages of consciousness, starting with him having no conscious awareness, going all the way up to the last stages were he is completely aware and finally retracing his steps to help others.

This turned out to be wonderful because I’ve been wondering where I am in my spiritual journey. Now I know that I’m in the middle. I’m more conscious of my actions and thoughts than when I started learning about this, but I’m still led sometimes by my ego and fear. I left the seminar hopeful because on any road trip it’s always reassuring to be able to locate where you are on a map. The lecturer also said that the first few stages take the most amount of energy.

My second Yes came the day after this seminar. It was an evening of chanting meditation, a first for me. When I read the description for this event I felt excited and then inexplicably compelled to sign up. Once again, I wasn’t sure what I was in for, and again it turned out to be brilliant.

It was held at a beautiful yoga studio with exposed red brick walls and large windows that framed the sun as it set for the night. I sat on a hard rectangular pillow that was surprisingly comfortable. They gave us a delicious vegan meal and then it started.

The chanting brought me the closest to God as I’ve ever felt. When the man leading the chant finished his first verse and our group of 30 joined in, it was the most beautiful sound I’ve ever experienced. Soft and flowing like a gentle ocean wave, I felt wrapped in its warmth. Even though I was self conscious at first, the chanting and the music melted into me and eventually I joined in and floated on its soft waves. There was a moment toward the end when the man looked out at us with his eyes half opened and he smiled. The genuine happiness of his smile made me feel like I was looking at the face of God.

Halfway through the evening, my body began to take over while my mind quietly stepped aside. For the first time, my body was moving on its own, with no direction from my mind because it was silent. And I was aware of this, and then I was aware that I was aware.

Then, the remarkable happened: my third eye opened. Suddenly there were three parts of me: my body, my mind, and this mysterious third self observing the two. I’ve felt this separation only once before during an argument with my mother. In the heat of it, I distinctly felt myself watching myself argue with my mother. But that moment disappeared quickly and I’ve never felt it again until this moment. Here, sitting on the floor was me watching my body dance to the music and being fully aware of what was happening in my mind at the same time. And now, I’m able to observe myself at will. This is one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever received.

When I told a friend about this experience she said that there are no coincidences, that I was meant to be here and have this experience, at this precise time. Namaste.

This goal’s suddenly come alive again after watching “Yes Man”. The word YES is dancing around me and through me, daring me to touch it. I’ve said no to a lot of things out of fear and I wonder what I’d be doing now and who I’d be if I had said YES.

That’s okay, though, because had I agreed to all the things I turned down, I wouldn’t be here now. So everything in its right time and when I’m ready. Ever since watching this movie, I’ve been toying with the idea of opening myself to all the opportunities that are out in the Universe at any given time. I’m always so focused on accomplishing that I literally sprint down the street to get to where I need to be. This gets my goals checked and it also closes off all encounters with serendipity. It’s usually in those chance moments of idling away time or chatting with a stanger for no particular reason that life opens up. Most of the interesting things in my life happened this way. I want more.

But I’m saying yes to the life I have. I’m saying yes to my dreams, which sometimes means I have to give up other things like socializing. That’s okay. I’m doing a lot of work. I’m being very productive. I’m taking steps in the right direction, even if they are slow steps. I’m accepting what I am and the path I am on and even not always being able to do everything I want right this instant.

Someday soon, it will even out and I will know what I’m doing and we can pick up things like, say, friends, or going out, or shopping.

Sometimes I say yes to things because I know I am afraid of them, but I do not actually follow through.

This is, as they say, a work in progress.

Sometimes it seems a very slow progress.

Most of the restaurants where I live are BYOB – but I don’t drink beer and a whole bottle of wine is too much. So, I started thinking about cocktails and realized that two of my favourite things in the world can be combined: lime green Argo Tea thermos mug = brilliant bring-your-own-cocktail shaker! Fill it up with ice and ingredients, take it with you, shake and pour into glass through the little drinking hole that keeps the ice inside, and enjoy cocktails wherever!

Sometimes I’m so bright I scare myself.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

‘no’.

more difficult than I thought. “Great goal”, I thought – “must add that”.

But now I’m all confused. In order to say “yes” to some things I really want in life I have to say “no” to other things I really want in life. And then that makes me feel I’m not saying “yes” to life at all, but rather “maybe, life” or “ask me again in a few years’ time, life” or “what was the question again?”

I know about giving up instant gratification for The Good That Is To Come, but how do you know which is instant gratification and which is your Life? I know I’m probably meant to say yes to the bad parts of life, all of it, but does that then mean I shouldn’t try to shape life consciously at all – or is that rather the ultimate yea-saying to or affirming my one precious life?

This is all just rambling, but I wish I didn’t have goals I don’t understand myself. Or do I? Are those ultimately the best goals, the ones I have to struggle to make sense of, the ones I have to stretch to try to reach?

I’m a fundamentally lazy woman, so I surprise myself constantly by choosing ‘not easy’.

_{[Edit: Note to self: perhaps I’m not “fundamentally lazy”. Perhaps that’s a limiting belief.]}

This idea of saying Yes to life came from a colourful email newsletter sent by a local artist. It began with the artist, Lisa, describing a moment with her cat during a painting session. In a moment of triumph, when her painting was born, she jumped up and exclaimed, “Yes! Yes! Yes!” Each time she uttered this word, her cat jumped up too and danced with her as if he knew what she was saying. He probably felt the energy emanating from her positive vibe and joined the party.

There’s power in voicing the word Yes. Even now as I say it to my computer screen I feel something alive come out of me.

Say it with me.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

See what I mean?

Interestingly, around this time I realized that what I truly want in my life right now is to explore the world; to visit new places, smell new scents and connect with different people. A day later, my mother called and invited me on a world trip with her. I said yes.

Yes.

I have to take a deep breath and there might still be some tears teasing the corners of my eyes, but I’ll say yes, even if it means saying goodbye to the world I have known.

I guess that goodbye is also saying yes to risk, to the chance of making things so much closer to what I really want my life to be.

That’s the essence of my life right now, the essence of the choices I have already made, but just need to make my peace with. Holding on to the safe and known is not the way to say yes to life. And apparently, my life is such that if I don’t say yes to my destiny willingly, my destiny will smack me around a bit and drag me kicking and screaming where it wants me to go.

I think that’s what’s going on. I think I’m heading towards my destiny. I hope so. I hope it’s not the road to ruin. Eh, I’m at my safety net for a while. But it doesn’t feel like ruin, it feels like rest before the renewal.