speak less, listen more

Well, not literally, but I have been trying to make it a point more frequently to choose opportunities to just listen to other people talk without adding my thoughts to the conversation. I just let the other person(s) talk most of the time. I try to be aware of when I want to interject something related to what they are saying and evaluate whether the conversation will continue just fine without my comments.

This was especially challenging the other day when a friend of mine was repeating to a mutual friend (in my presence) an interesting story she had previously told me. I resisted the urge to prompt her for details she had not yet revealed and repeat my reactions to the story. Instead I just allowed it to be retold with the new listener responding to the story. Only when the entire story had been told and a discussion on the story had begun did I participate in the conversation.

I don’t want to take a vow of silence or anything. I just want to listen more and talk less.

Spend an hour each day without saying anything except in answer to direct questions, in the midst of the usual group, without creating the impression that you’re sulking or ill. Be as ordinary as possible. But do not volunteer remarks or try to draw out information.

Hope to give this a try at work tomorrow and maybe even incorporate it into every day.

Not anymore! I’m still soft-spoken as far as the volume of my voice but over the years, I seem to have transformed from an extremely quiet child and then young adult into someone who thoroughly enjoys talking. It was fine for me to come out of my shell, by my goodness! I don’t have to talk this much!!!

Although I will still allow myself to write as much as I want, I have decided that I have become too talkative for my own taste. I’m going to try to develop a habit of evaluating each thought that crosses my mind in terms of whether it really needs to be expressed out loud.

I tend to have an opinion on everything and often miss the peace that comes from the small quiets in life… those moments that you can never get back because you interrupted them with noise or incessant chatter. You also learn a lot about people by not speaking. They tend to reveal their true selves to you if you let them. I knew this as a child. I wonder why I forgot…

Speak less, listen more.

Today I was able to turn on my outgoing filter so I didn’t just say everything that came to mind. Instead I was (somehow!) able to choose which things were worth saying and which I could just let go of. It made my interactions with everyone around me seem much more pleasant and calm. I was also able to listen better because I wasn’t focusing on trying to say everything I thought I wanted to say. I definitely need more practice, but it was a good day for this goal.

I really want to do this! I have been working at it over the years but still need improvement for sure

I think the final piece of the puzzle for me was volunteering at a soup kitchen and really interacting with the guests – listening to their stories, concerns, jokes. It’s given me a broader perspective. I think I’m a much better listener now and more aware of making space for others in a conversation. When I find myself dominating the conversation, I’m able to recognise it and step back.

The other night while having a coctail after bowling league, my girlfriend was telling me about some of the problems in her family life. At the end of the evening, she gave me a hug and said ‘Thank you so much, you always make me feel better just by listening to me’.

this is going to be a LOOONG term goal for me…..

i have a few soft spoken friends that i just run OVER when it comes to conversation…at least i’m at the stage where i’m recognizing my intense need to tell them EVERYTHING

i recently practiced this goal with one of my more soft spoken friends and was delighted by all the things he was able to tell me :) a nice shift.