speak less, listen more

I tend to have an opinion on everything and often miss the peace that comes from the small quiets in life… those moments that you can never get back because you interrupted them with noise or incessant chatter. You also learn a lot about people by not speaking. They tend to reveal their true selves to you if you let them. I knew this as a child. I wonder why I forgot…

Speak less, listen more.

Today I was able to turn on my outgoing filter so I didn’t just say everything that came to mind. Instead I was (somehow!) able to choose which things were worth saying and which I could just let go of. It made my interactions with everyone around me seem much more pleasant and calm. I was also able to listen better because I wasn’t focusing on trying to say everything I thought I wanted to say. I definitely need more practice, but it was a good day for this goal.

I really want to do this! I have been working at it over the years but still need improvement for sure

I think the final piece of the puzzle for me was volunteering at a soup kitchen and really interacting with the guests – listening to their stories, concerns, jokes. It’s given me a broader perspective. I think I’m a much better listener now and more aware of making space for others in a conversation. When I find myself dominating the conversation, I’m able to recognise it and step back.

The other night while having a coctail after bowling league, my girlfriend was telling me about some of the problems in her family life. At the end of the evening, she gave me a hug and said ‘Thank you so much, you always make me feel better just by listening to me’.

this is going to be a LOOONG term goal for me…..

i have a few soft spoken friends that i just run OVER when it comes to conversation…at least i’m at the stage where i’m recognizing my intense need to tell them EVERYTHING

i recently practiced this goal with one of my more soft spoken friends and was delighted by all the things he was able to tell me :) a nice shift.

I am not the center of the universe and listening more has allowed me to understand people and myself better. It is OK to be quiet. When listening more, you are able to be a better quality talker when it is time.

I’ve learned the most amazing things about people since I started this ‘listening project.’ In particular, hobbies and interests I never imagined some of my friends had! Fun!

I’ve continued to work on this goal, embracing opportunities to go out to lunch with friends, chat with friends and family on the phone, go for long walks and chat, etc.

I can’t say that I’m absolutely always a good listener, but I do feel that I’ve become much more aware of listening, asking questions and really trying to understand other perspectives.

The other day, I noticed as I was listening to a friend, I was starting to compose a thought in my head to respond. I suddenly thought: ‘Stop! Stop and listen to what she’s saying…’

Instead of responding with my own thought, I responded with a question, clarifying something she had said. She nodded and started speaking more enthusiastically

This is one of the rewards of truly listening – connecting with another human being, giving someone else space to speak their truth. Respect.