cultivate the art of femininity

this word, five otherwise unemotional letters, causes anguish in the eye’s of many women. I can see the faces of the “what not to wear people” when women wear the now more than infamous “mom” jean. the -too-low-for-your-body-type jeans. and there’s the flabby butt, the skinny around the ankle, the dreaded twenty year old black denim.

and before i continue, stretch in your pants is great, in moderation. I’m not sure who told designers or manufacturers that 50% spandex and 50% cotton was a good idea. but it’s not.

here’s my new jeans excursion.
the jeans i own, my faves, are too big. too big as in – i have to hold up the waistband as i climb the stairs or they end up around my ankles by the time i hit the landing. the inseam has ripped out a little showing the dark blue internal components of the seam itself. the bottoms have long been frayed. they have went from being a little too snug to the (gasp) jeans that make me look like i have a soiled diaper on under them. this is the down side of weight loss.

so i went to were i bought them. old navy. cheap, usually stocked with semi classic un-offensive pieces. jeans and white t’s galore. tried on a 12. wrong cut. slim boot leg makes my bum look big, my thighs look big, and huh, my ankles look big too! so i try on a 12 flare. ok ladies. flare in moderation is a body type issue, NOT as age issue. If your body type suggests you wear a flare jean, no matter how old you are, wear a flare jean!! gesh. so, i stand in the dressing room, william – the dressing room attendant- is humming to himself outside, and i have a 12 flare on. and they suck. a 10 will be way too snug, i can tell, but i still have flabby butt and they’re just weird. i fold up my tanks tops and my shirt and go. kohls is next. i always try there because i like their shirts, and the jeans are always priced well. i think they are always priced well because spandex must be cheaper than cotton. The junior\misses jeans are SO obnoxiously fad-filled that unless i like having a rhinestoned and embroidery peacock on my bum-cheek or ribbon tied up the leg with dangly beads hanging from it i certainly wont find any thing there. THEN in the women’s area the jeans are so concerned with hiding your flaws that they are half spandex. i don’t think that it’s flattering to be able to walk until to a display of jeans and pull on them like they are athletic wear and get an inch of give. i like my jeans to fit just right and tuck in and confine any unruly areas, not stretch out and make room for them! shesh.

so, upon exiting kohls, i fling open the door and say to the hubby “that’s it! we’re going to american eagle!” ryan is an avid walmart shopper and i thought he might faint, but he was fine.

and then we went. and like an angle from heaven descended upon a retail outlet. . i heard the words “welcome to american eagle, let me know if i can help you find anything.” blue plaid shorts, tiny pink gingham shorts with eagles, and boyfriend jeans for 30 dollars. thick hoodies with deep V-necks in classic colors. inconspicuous details, jeans with NO spandex, shirts with positive affirmations on the front and not tacky classless crap. why do i try shopping elsewhere. why?

and in defense of myself because i can hear someone already gasping in fear that i will only shop in a mall or that labels matter. not it at all. it’s about being comfortable, it’s about spending our hard earned money on something that we want exactly the way we want it. not settling on something that works but isn’t what i wanted and still spending 75% of the money. cloths project on the outside, who you are on the inside, cloths make you feel comfortable in your own skin, you should have a symbiotic relationship with your pants. cloths don’t make the man, you can’t hide yourself, your real self, under nice cloths nor can cloths make you something you’re not. BUT, feeling comfortable in your cloths creeps out in an aura. when you know your look good in your pants you carry yourself differently, you smile more, you have a swagger, and that gets peoples attention. if you take the time in your life to find jeans that fit you, and employer or a potential friend can think, ” well, if they take the time to find cloths that fit them maybe they’ll take time for me, maybe they’re need for perfection will benefit my company. . . etc”

so to sum it up: look past the label in both directions, and buy pants that fit you and look good.

i haven’t really done anything over the top feminine lately. i lost an earring, so that’s out of the question. I did curl my hair last weekend to go to the racetrack. it was very cute. lots of people commented. actually a few people commented on my weight as well. i wore normal racetrack attire though, jeans and a t. the hair and make up though were a nice touch, i was pleased that people noticed. i think i’ll do it again this weekend.

my mom and i went dress shopping today at kohls and then at jc penny’s. i found an amazing yellow linen dress!! the regular price was 110 dollars, and it was on sale for 42. it fits perfect, right off the rack. that NEVER happens!!! i’m wearing it to tyler and amy’s wedding on Saturday, and so excited! we also found matching shoes at payless!!! the hubby says he had hoped i would find a yellow one because it compliments my tan!!! i heart when he says things like that!

a few weeks ago, Monday, i had a funeral. I needed, well wanted, some thigh shaping shorts from target and the hubby was out of food for his lunches. So early in the morning i drove into town and bought my shorts and stopped at a Kroger to buy some lunch box basics. Funeral was at eleven and i had to make it back out to my house and pick up my mom and make it back to the next town. I had gotten ready early so i could slip my shorts on in the car and have time to throw a lunch together before the funeral because i knew it would be a long one. okok, So i’m wearing a very 1950’s day dress, black with tiny white polka dots and a tie around the weight and some sling back kitten heals. I honestly think i could have just handed over my list and all the employee’s would have shopped for me. The produce guy went out of his way to give me some new pears that weren’t even stocked yet, the frito lay man opened some doritos for me to try, and the bagger insisted he carry my bags to the car. all five of them. i normally have decent service at the grocery store, NEVER like that. i’m certainly going to try to incorporate more dresses into my daily wear.

p.s. i found a cute one at target that would only need minor tailoring, but it was 40$ and missing multiple buttons.

A few times. I just keep going shorter. I find it a little harder to make my hair look “pretty” – sweeping it up in a clip was quick – all I had to look after then were my bangs…but it feels really good being shorter. But I’ve promised the kids and my man I’ll grow it out again. I may try some streaks to create a softer look.

the new nick name that my hubby has given me. i’ve been tanning in moderation, every other day-ish. i try not to go out of my way to go, so if i’m at work, or i need to go that way already. my freckles are HUGE today, and there was a chill in the air, so i went tanning, it felt great. i haven’t lost much more weight, which is my own fault, but i think that tanning has a physiological effect on more than my skin. yawn i always feel happier when i tan. silly, i know, and it’s like doctors who smoke, i know it’s bad for me, but everything in moderation, right???

for my husbands arrival home from his workday, I did up the makeup & hair. Sultry-ish eyes, an updo. Donned my favorite dress. And here’s the biggie – put on nylons with a pair of summer heels. Husband appreciated it. But my kids – they loved it! Especially the nylons. Each one of them took a turn rubbing my legs and asking about the nylons & feeling how smooth they were!! (tells you how often I wear nylons!!) And they were all convinced I had to be going out somewhere, I couldn’t be all fancied up just for a stay at home dinner. It was fun!
And I even stayed in character for a while. I finally got too cold and changed into my pj’s. But it was nice while it lasted. Betcha the man thinks so too!

my mom and i went to kohls today. i bought new wide leg tan cords, and a pink sweater. i heart sweaters. i went to payless looking for some disposable fashionable shoes. i kinda liked these (see photo) but the wedge is SUPER high and i’m going for feminine not incapacitated.

next week is spring break. i am spending time and money on becoming the person i know i am. the person who doesn’t feel awkward in her own skin. getting the exersize routine back. tanning after work. taking all her meds on time. having my shit together. being an envy and not a burden. t,f,s,s,m,t,w,t,f,s,s – eleven days of reinvention and a slew of feminity. (victoria secret here i come)

But often I don’t act very “feminine”. And I’m okay with that, so’s my man (I think!). But I think it would be nice to try a little harder on the “feminine” behaviour. I shall try to:
- wear skirts or dresses at least once a month, even when it’s cold out
- keep my legs & trimmings a little less fuzzy
- hold back on the frequency of my huge burps – (no way I’m stopping!!)
- put on some jewelry at least once a month
- buy & wear some girlie sleepwear
- wear my husbands shirts less often
Any other suggestions?