never have kids

I’m 21, and I’ve been saying for years how I never plan to have children. I am so tired of people telling me that I’m young and will change my mind. My mum likes to torture me all the time with her ideas of being a grandmother, and saying that I’ll have to go through what I supposedly put her through. We don’t talk anymore, for reasons that I will not divulge. Reasons that make me never want to have children. My mother wants me to have children as revenge, sickening I know. Why would I want a relationship with my children like that I had/have with my mother?

I’ve noticed how people who have had a family, like to “try” and rub their happiness in my face because they know that I never want children. And I just think to myself, “deep down, they aren’t that happy… they may be miserable”.

People say that I am selfish or cold for never wanting children. Why?

lots of reasons, they annoy me, there not cute, hassle etc.

This goal is hidden way down on my list. When I was a teenager and I went off about this, everyone said I needed to grow up. Now, about a decade later, they seem to all have arrived at the decision that I’m somehow mentally screwed up. And…well…I’m not. I just have a sense of reason on which I actually rely on a day-to- day (and lifetime) basis.

I was reading the entries on this page and so many of them ring true for me as well. My parents stayed together “for the kid,” I have never gotten along with kids, kids certainly don’t care for me at all and it is because I don’t put myself out trying to entertain them or make them happy. I’m trying to live simply and being kid-friendly just is not my cross to carry. I want to be able to travel, I want to be able to go for long hikes, I want to be able to write good books and stay focused, I want to get out of debt and never get back in.

BUT this is also one of the most painful goals in my list. I’m in a long-term relationship with someone who wants kids eventually (in around 8 years), he tells me. I’m at a point now where I am realizing I don’t want to get married, especially to someone who wants kids. I’m not afraid of relenting, but I’m afraid of hurting someone I love. All of those crazy marriage counselors (that 9 times out of 10 know not about that which they speak) seem to actually be on to something when they declare that this is “the one non-negotiable issue,” though it’s obvious that there are other non-negs. in any relationship.

Although that aspect of this goal scares me, this is just the way it has to be. I am determined to endure. Even if I end up alone. We’re born alone, we die alone…being alone isn’t bad, it isn’t selfish, it is true. It’s pointless trying to fill our lives with unwanted responsibilities just to avoid truth, to avoid ourselves. If they are wanted, it’s different, but when they aren’t… I could probably adopt…but we’ll see.

Thanks, in sum, for all of the entries on here. They fortify and help me to feel like less of a freak. I know I haven’t seen my late twenties or thirties, so I haven’t seen anything close to the worst of it yet…but reading these entries makes me feel as if this goal really is possible.

They yap alot
It doesn’t mean i don’t like em ,i like kids you know it just that i don’t think i’m responsable enough 2 have my own and i don’t want 2see kids around me 24/7.

ok so i feel like a big jack ass for not wanting to have kids. i am married and wife deserves kids she would be a awesome mother, and i know i would be a good father but i can stand kids they ruin everything you want to do. i sound so selfish and it causes a lot of problems. my parents stayed together for all 18 years i lived at home and they were both miserable, but they stayed together for the children. i feel if i am unhappy married having kids will only complicate things and make them never want to be married or have kids. God its so annoying to be around kids, i just think of how much i sucked as a kid and all the stupid shit i said and did in my younger ages. i dont want too see that or be a part of it. we have a dog and we have to work around that damn i cant imagine it with a living person. everyone i talk to who has kids sayed “O its so diff when it’s YOURS” but i dont want to know how that feels i dont really want to care for anyone else but me. it pisses me off so much i am in the military too, so everyone i work with has kids and r always asking ” when’s your’s comin” i just want to ask them so when you come over and hang out? o wait you cant you have a kid, so i guess i will comeover so we can hang. stupid kids

I prefer being an Aunt than being someone’s mom. I also like other family member’s kids too: telling them jokes I knew as a kid, playing with them, answering their billions of questions they bombard me with and just enjoying their company, when they’re not pulling my hair or playing with my stuff. I’m too old to breed, so I’ll chalk this one up as “done”.

I decided when I was a kid (dunno exactly when-as long as I can remember) that I don’t want to father any children of my own. I got a vasectomy when I was 21. I’m almost 27 now and I think it may be the best life decision I’ve ever made.

I may adopt one day. There’s so many suffering orphans out there how could I be selfish enough to make my own kids? Just like I would never buy a dog from a breeder when the animal shelters are euthanizing strays right and left. I don’t understand most people and their reproductive impulses and I wonder why there’s not more people who view human procreation like me…

When I got married, I was on autopilot and just figured we’d have kids soon enough. Two stressful married years later and it just dawned on me at 29 that I probably didn’t want kids at all! I love my husband, but he’s also married to his job as a scientist and I feel I’m always competing for his attention. Why would I want to add a third competitor to the mix? In addition, I have always craved adult companionship and adult attention, even when I was a kid. I keep waiting for that moment everybody speaks of when, “I’ll simply change my mind” but I don’t see a logical way of that unfolding. If I wanted something cute, I’d get a kitten. And frankly I wish this wasn’t such an issue to me—now that I’m an adult, I want to enjoy it rather than angst about whether I should delve back into the world of children and childhood.

It’s been 40 years and no close calls, no relationships with anyone with kids. Hanging with friends who have kids is a power struggle. I’m seen as a child-hater simply because I don’t have any, and kids look at me like a freak. I’m like an abstract clown or something. I like them more then they like me. The real reason is that I don’t see myself having a mate in this lifetime, and I don’t want to raise a kid alone. I’ve known women who’ve been abandoned by their mates and I don’t want to go through that betrayal. It’s hard work, and you can’t have a kid just for the sake of it. You have to be more serious about raising another human being, a decent ethical one, and there are too many people who do unscrupulous things to one another, and I’d hate to breed one like that. I could go on.

Saying that you don’t want kids and my mum saying that I’ll feel different in a few years doesnt work either. Im 16 and have made my mind up and am sticking to it. There are many reasons why but Im not going to list them all just yet. Theres nothing wrong with that and it wont turn me into a bad person, and yes I do want to get married and I’ll have to face that consequence when I get there.