This goal is on hold until I know for sure what is going on with my body. If it’s what I think is, then I don’t think I’m going to have children. Which is sad, but a different life isn’t always a worse life, just different than I’d planned. And that is okay. I just have to change my goals, and I can have different goals and still have a fufilling wonderful life if it comes to that. But, I’m hoping that this is still in the cards for me one day, so I’m hoping… I’m wrong. I’ve been wrong before, so…there’s a good chance that this could still be a possibility… I just have to wait and see. 4 months ago
People doing thisSee everyone
Bubble is gone.
My HCG levels have dropped from 197 to 37 in the last 2 days but are not as low as they would like so I will need another blood test in a week or so.
Just drags on.
I think the worst part is that I will never know that fearless joy at seeing a positive pregnancy test.
With my son I didn’t really want it to be positive so I was scared, with this one, I willed those lines to appear and I was so happy I cried. I videoed my husbands reaction when he saw the positive tests.
I was (stupidly?) convinced that because I had gone through this already that a second pregnancy would be fine.
Now it is the opposite. I will fear the positive test, not because we don’t desperately want a baby, but because I won’t be able to enjoy the moment with the fear of another miscarriage hanging over me.
I know there is nothing to say we WILL lose a future pregnancy, but after one, your chances of another are higher. Or so I’ve read, as my various medical people haven’t actually asked me if I have any questions about what I am going through.
I am so glad my mum is visiting next week. 7 months ago
The ultrasound today was inconclusive, there is a blob there they are suggesting looks like an early gestational sac, measuring at around 4 weeks, they couldn’t confirm one way or another, so they have done a blood test, I go back in 2 days to have another one, a normal pregnancy the hormones double every 2 days, so it should be higher if we are still pregnant, and lower is it is a miscarriage.
I already know the answer.
Bubble is gone.
The problem with bubbles is that although they are beautiful and glistening in the light, they only move toward heaven and only then for the briefest of time. 7 months ago
More bleeding, this time there are clots. I think I have to face the truth, the ultrasound tomorrow will confirm it. I think bubble is gone.
I’m glad we’re not in Australia, if we were I would have to get up and go to work and continue on as normal, I know we don’t tell people about pregnancies until the l2 weeks in case something goes wrong, but when it does, we have to continue on pretending.
Not looking forward to explaining where the baby in mummy’s tummy went to little J, but I guess that’s the risk we took in telling him, but he is too old to not work it out from talking to people… 7 months ago
The day before yesterday I suddenly started to feel sick, I assumed (and I still think I am right) that I had caught a dose of the tummy bug little J had. Yesterday morning, J felt sick too, so I felt right again.
Just before bed last night when I went to the toilet, I realised I had been bleeding, not a lot, but a bit, I told J, and called my mum to ask her what I do. She said to call the DP and speak to them.
I called the NHS24 line, who were nice enough, but basically said, either it will get better, or it will get worse, nothing can be done, if it gets worse call back. I it doesn’t, call your GP in the morning and ask for a referral to the Early Pregnancy Clinic.
This morning there had been no further bleeding and the GP organised an appointment for tomorrow at 11:30am. Told me to rest, and whatever happens, to still attend the appointment.
So far I have had no more bleeding and I am crossing my fingers and praying with all my might that it simply puts me in the 30% of pregnancies that have bleeding and still go on to have healthy full term babies. Hell, I’m already in the 30% of pregnancies that had implantation bleeding…..
It’s funny, I haven’t (yet?) suffered the loss, but I find myself going through grieving stages anyway, currently: bargaining.
In a horrible twist of events I had also been offered a telephone interview for a job I have applied for. I can’t help but feel like it is the worlds way of making me choose.
The interview is tomorrow at 10am, the scan at 11:30. Great. 7 months ago
I can’t share this in any way really….but I hard forgotten what early pregnancy does to my boobs….BAM today they seem huge. 7 months ago
Bubble is what we call the ‘baby’ bubble Daddy is obviously it’s father, he is obsessed already. It is adorable, there have been so many times recently I wished people knew about the baby so I could share the cute, silly and brilliant things he says or does.
Honestly, he hasn’t got a clue, but he is trying, he’s patiently reading through ‘what to expect’ and has downloaded the App so he can see the baby’s progression, he is INSISTING on coming to the initial midwifes appointment, even though I have said it will be boring and he doesn’t have to…but he wants to.
With little J I used only gas up until active labour started, and then I didn’t bother with the gas, I remember thinking the gas was there ‘for when it gets bad’ but it never got as bad as I had expected in my mind. With this I have decided to try with no meds, but gas as a back up, and to use a TENS machine. This was like speaking French to J, and sent him into a flurry of Google-ing.
I think it is wonderful that he wants to help make a birth plan instead of saying ‘well, you’re the one giving birth’ and leaving me too it, I have also predicted he will cry when he see’s the 1st ultra sound or hears the baby’s heart beat…but then so will I probably, and then I will blame it on the hormones! 7 months ago
It’s amazing how you can not notice how uncomfortable a bra is, until you bite the bullet and go out and buy a new one that fits.
I’m not into ‘sexy’ bras at the moment, I am into- ‘cheap, plain and does the job’, because I will probably be ‘upgrading’ a few times in coming months.
My chest size hasn’t changed, just the cup size, but I had never noticed just hoe much different that makes, until yesterday, I tried on a bunch in the store to get the right size, and then picked one I hadn’t tried on, but was same size but un-padded. Gotit home and swapped my sports bra for one…...a dream, like being supported by 2 beautiful clouds.
My sleep bras also arrived this morning, I immediately put one on….I think there is cause for wearing these when not pregnant too…..
Still, boobs and tired, it’s all I have symptoms wise, so far, I’ll take that over ‘inability to keep food down’ any day! :) 7 months ago
Not sure if this goes in here or under ‘have another baby’ but to make it easier for myself, all 1st trimester related stuff will go under this goal, then I’ll move it to a different goal….
I received my allocation letter today for a GP, I called them and I got a really lovely and helpful receptionist, whi adivesd me, I actually need to see their midwife…a midwife at a GP clinic… OK, sure. Anway, 1st appointment is next week, I’ll be just short of 7 weeks. I am excited and a little bit more relaxed, I was getting nervous having seen no medical professional at all, and with no appointments on the horizon, this stage of my last pregnancy, I had seen a GP, had an appointment with an OB and had had my 1st scan, granted they are very different pregnancies, but Australia, and the UK also just do it differently…. 7 months ago
The digital test this morning confirmed in words what we were sure of, some how seeing it in words is different, more real, reassuring.
So this goal is technically complete, but TBH I won’t be marking it as done until 2nd trimester. :) 8 months ago
ugh. I actually might just take this goal off my list. I had a little bit of a tragedy. Chemical pregnancy, which is an early miscarriage…somehow people confuse this with their normal period. I’m not sure how because it was AWFUL. It was extraordinarily painful and the bleeding comes and goes, but when it comes it’s awful. It’s really NOTHING like a regular period. I of course, knew I was pregnant as well… which was terrible to begin with. Since, I was pregnant and then i wasn’t…so all I had to do was just wait for the bleeding to start for the miscarriage. It’s pretty terrible. I know we will try again, and it just wasn’t the right time, but I don’t see how anyone could confuse what happened with a normal period. It’s nothing like it at all. Sigh. 8 months ago
So my period disappeared, overnight, and I didn’t say anything to anyone except to one other person I know who is also trying to conceive, but it made me suspicious, 5 days early, and disappears after a day? Implantation bleeding? I didn’t even really think this was a thing, but after lunch today, I felt queasy, and I thought, well what the hell, I accidentally ordered 50 cheapo internet pregnancy tests, I might as well do one. Soooo, I did, and the faintest line appeared. I immediately marched little J down to the shops with the guise of getting lollies…and a slightly more trust worthy first response test.
I don’t pee on these things, I catch in a cup and dip them. I still had said sample, so I tested it again. Sure enough there are 2 pink lines. I am all kinds of emotional, most of all because since Christmas day, my husband and I have spent most of every day together, except today, so now I am ecstatic, with no husband to share the new with, and I think it might be too early to tell the 4 yr old.
Therefore, once again, 43T comes to the rescue. 8 months ago
Not this month either, oh well….
The hardest thing is telling my husband I got my period, just saying that is weird.
It hit me last night as a bit of a shock as the bloody thing is several days early.
NEXT. 8 months ago
Well, I got my peridd, which means several things:
1. I don’t feel guilty for all that wine I have been drinking, in fact, I’m going to open another bottle. (we had A LOT of champagne given to us for our blessing, we’ve only actually had 1 bottle so far)
2. My body MUST be getting back to normal?
3. Now I can get dates etc blah blah blah
It was a little optimistic to conceive the 1st month after the implant was removed…
Mostly the wine thing. I’m actually not as bummed as I expected to be, I guess I’m just happy my body is back to normal. 9 months ago
My mum knows I had the implant removed, she even went as far as to ask if my ‘cycle had returned yet’
THEN…. she said ‘when it does, make sure you abstain for 3 days before your most fertile time’
which makes me laugh because, 1. what? and 2. so much for the ‘wait and see approach’
She is a very proactive grandmother. She’s also DR, so she does actually get a say!
Still funny though. 9 months ago
Me: ‘my nipples hurt, and my boobs are bigger
Husband: ‘oooo, what does that mean?’
Me: ‘nothing, and my bra is tight’
HE’s trying to symptom spot, he’s excited.
Probably shouldn’t tell him about the excess tiredness, or the crying at nothing today etc etc 9 months ago
Dodgey internet ovulation kits showed lines, but not much according to their results panel. Shiney easy to read Clear Blue gives me a shiny flashy smiley face.
:) 9 months ago
My best friend, and the Godmother to my first born sked me today if I am working on a Goddaughter yet.
You can’t get some things past some people…. haha 9 months ago
So for the last 2 days I have been pretty uncomfortable, I’m pretty sure this is my body getting back to normal and about to ovulate, I explained this to my husband, who asked if maybe it was pregnancy symptoms (shouldn’t have got him the books) I said, technically it could be, but well, and I went on to explain about cervical mucous, yuck.gag. even typing it makes me feel sick, I should have just kept my mouth shut, so that then this morning he wouldn’t have said….
‘How are you feeling today? How’s the mucous?’
Gone are the days when men didn’t get involved….. anyway, we’ve banned the word now.
yuck yuck yuck. 9 months ago
I feel a bit like I have been kicked in the lady junk today.
Felt like serious period pains most of the day, one part of me wants to crawl into bed, the other, a hot bath.
I figure this could be a whole host of things, but fingers crossed that ALL of them are my body getting on track… 9 months ago
You know how we weren’t “trying” to get pregnant? Yep, totes bought ovulation kits, but mostly so I can work out when my body is returning to normal after the implant. They said that it is pretty much instantly the hormones return to normal and to expect a period in the next month….but nowhere else tell me anything else about your system returning to normal. So I’ll just have to plot it.
Also, they were marked down in the chemist because the packaging has changed, I saw it as a sign- clearly….
I also think it helps J because then when there is no smiley face but I’m paying him attention, he gets that it’s because he is my husband and I am attracted to him, and getting everything back that I might have lost on the implant… lucky man! ;) 9 months ago
All I can think about is babies…. W T H body.
you weren’t even convinced you wanted one until Christmas type time, and now? You are obsessed…... 9 months ago
So even though we’re not ‘trying to get pregnant’ just trying not to not be pregnant….
All I can think about is babies…...
I’m bored at the moment J is applying for jobs and all I have to do is read and cook, which BTW would be luxury if I had the choice… read, and cook, and decide what pram I want. Second time around is such a blessing, all the knowledge from the 1st one, but with he excitement of new life and a baby!!!
Anyway 43T…baby making related amusements…..no XXX I promise…
Although I thought this was mostly my idea, J seems to be into it (urgh, no, non intended pun) more than me.
Yesterday he insisted I lay still after sex (because the book, said I should….:/) but to encourage me to do that, he brought me a coffee and bagel in bed…
Then later, I was looking through some baby stuff we already have, and I swear I caught a glimpse of his eyes tearing up when he was looking at a tiny mitten…
I suspect he’s going to be one of those guys who gets all the sympathy stuff too…
Then later he said ‘um…so how will we know if your pregnant? do you take a test or do you just feel different’
When normal kids were made to learn this stuff at school, J shut his ears, he says now he wasn’t ready, so didn’t take any of it in…
I suspect what he meant was, if I am pregnant in this 1st few months, because the implant made everything all kinds of irregular, I might not miss something I never had….
I told him in about 5 or 6 weeks, if I haven’t had a period, I’ll do a test.
He was happy with this, then offered me a foot rub. What an angel. 9 months ago