stop being a perfectionist

Its causing me a great trouble in my life. I used to watch my maid doing cleaning..sweeping in very clumsy manner. I tried all the tricks on her to make sure that she should not loose her job by doing all the nuisance deliberately. But my yelling..telling to her ..all gone waste as she refused to cooperate with me. Last month when she stopped coming and I watched her going to my neighbor to clean there house. I called her and asked politely. She gave me several lame excuses. I burst out with all my suppressed emotions and fired her. Till then I am doing all work myself. No doubt I found satisfaction when I look my image back in glittering floors. But now I am tired and looking for another maid But after cleaning my house by my own it looks unsatisfactory to watch other maid’s work. I know with my office going schedule its not possible to do all the work forever. But my perfection to every work does not allow me to over look the dirty work done by maids. What to do?

I find that perfectionism is really hard work. It makes me always want to do more. It stops me enjoying the here and now-always looking round the next corner. How to do something different?

Perfectionsim is overrated

as an artist it is so crucial, yet a *&$^$ pain in the *(& to get over perfectionism. most the time i don’t notice ‘til it’s been a month that i have not contacted a venue or haven’t finished a piece because i’ve been putting it off for the ‘perfect’ venue or the ‘perfect’ song. how ridiculous!

I really have a problem with my relationships. . I shouldn’t call it being a “perfectionist” however, I get incredibly peeved when someone misspells words, or they use words out of context. My grandmother for example.. I find that I belittle her a great deal because she was a young mother and never exceeded beyond her sophomore year in high school. I just want to learn to accept all people whether it be fully educated, or illiterate.

I just need to correct this issue of mine..

My obsession with perfection always lead me to put off things I have and want to do…leaving me frustrated at the end of the day! It make me feel so insecure…it sucks the fun from doing things I (used) to love like drawing!

I wish I could just return to the old days when I used to draw for fun and not for higher grades (I’m in an art school) and people’s appreciation and approval.

Enough, enough, enouggghhhh!

One of the ironies of being a perfectionist is that it leads to lack of accomplishment and a great deal of imperfection. It can lead to a lack of accomplishment because if you have this mentality you often won’t start something if you don’t think you can get it right or because you spend so much time debating in your mind over and over the smallest details and exaggerate the consequences of not getting them right. It leads to imperfection because you don’t get a chance to fail and to learn from your failure and the procrastination leads to a rushed and flawed result.

My swim instructor, who is very chatty, tells lots of jokes and tries to build a rapport with his clients to create a relaxed environment and an element of trust which is important when dealing with adults who are afraid of the water. He’s a very good teacher but he’s also very good at reading people. In the course of my lessons, he pointed out to me that I seem very tense and serious with a tendency to make things harder than they are. He told me that I seem intense and like someone who always got straight A’s in school and always wants to get things right the first time and to not look bad. All those things are true.

I spent a lot of time over the past week or so thinking about where this pattern of behavior came from. It didn’t come from any pressure from my parents as they just wanted me to be happy doing whatever I wanted and didn’t place emphasis on being the best at anything. If not my parents, I realize that other childhood influences likely played a role, like growing up I didn’t really fit in socially and in some contradictory way I wore it like a badge of honor but also I really did want to be accepted. I wanted to be the best at something because I thought that maybe then people might like me, even if only teachers, and I thought that if I placed high standards for myself and lived up to them that I could have a level of self-satisfaction that would override any need I had for outside approval. It seems that I thought, probably subconsiously, that if I messed up then everyone would be right for not liking me, so I put a lot of pressure on myself to not mess up. I think the perfectionism idea also relates to being in control. I have often felt that nothing is stable but to keep sane I have this need for consistency. To have a certain idea of the way things are supposed to be and to be obssessed with wanting to make it happen and to not let anyone ruin it was one way to stay in control and make things stable.

As I think of it, having and trying to live up to very high standards is a good thing and I’m glad I have this mentality, but I think I need to change the way I get from point A to point B, so to speak. I have to convince myself of what I know to be intellectually true that it’s good to not be in control all the time and that that my actions should not be dictated by how others’ impressions of me may or may not be affected by how I perform them. Recently I’ve been making a conscious effort to get into the habit of just doing without overanalysis. It’s a different way of thinking to get used to.

One place I can immediately put to practice being less of a perfectionist is in my swimming lessons. Like today my instructor told me that it’s okay to fuck up and to not get it perfect the first time (sorry to use the f-word; it’s just how he said it). He said that I don’t need to worry about being embarrassed in front of him because he’s there to teach me. He said to not worry but that each time I’ll fuck up a little less and in that way it will become perfect that way over time.

Finally I figured it all out, all what it takes is to do a single really stupid-not life changing- mistake then truss me u will be relived, that people r not expecting the beast of u, so u will stop doing trying to be perfect & stressed about the little thing after all what is the use u cant prove what u just messed up right! !

This issue is sucking away any joy that I should get from any thing

The problem is that I always know that if I were little header I’d be able to do better

In my collage when I get B+ I get obsessed that I could do better and had an A

I stopped drawing b/z I am never satisfied with the results although every one say the paints are great

I hate to do project , hate my weight although I have a healthy BMI, that I know I can control it but I’m not is soo upsetting, never satisfied about the way I look although every one says u r crazy u r perfect (which aggravates the issue :they put salt on the wounds without knowing)

As I said before it truly sucks away any joy that I supposed to have from any thing

Tried to learn to let it go but when no one around u take over fixing and finishing and taking over the driver seat it is heard, I return to the old habit again :(

Sometimes I leave my papers until the very last moment, stay up all night doing them, and then don’t feel they’re good enough to hand in the next day. So I don’t, and keep hoping that I’ll just hand it in later when it’s better and everything will work out okay. Unfortunately, society requires that deadlines be respected even if they don’t make personal sense to me. And what I’ve discovered is that the original work I did would have been good enough anyway.

Perfectionism is really all in your head. But how, when it comes down to those minutes stretching into hours of fixing, fixing, fixing something, do you tell yourself that and get yourself to recognize its validity?

the problem with being a perfectionist is its an expression of low-self esteem; always having to prove that you are worthy and good enough to yourself and everyone else because if you don’t, someone will discover that you don’t deserve to succeed. Second, its very tiresome to those who live with a perfectionist; they can never let up. I really need to…