I read an article recently about Couples in Ebony Magazine. I’m sick, my husband got it to make me feel better – it had Barack and his wife on the cover. Go Barack Obama.

I almost couldn’t focus on the article, as I read the magazine coverage on couples and love. I was amazed at how easily the magazine flowed between people who were married with a lifetime commitment, to those who are dating – no marriage in sight. This isn’t a commentary about love, clearly you can be in love in any state of being. I do think its a commentary about confusion.

To talk about the break up of celebrities who are dating, along side married people who are getting divorced, is in my view crazy. To equate Beyonce and Jay-Z to worthy of couple coverage, next to pillars in the community – why? I appreciate that stars fall in love, and stars on magazines do sell. What I do not understand is when we started confusing marriage and that commitment with dating.

When I see Puffy with the mother of 3 of his children, no marriage, no ring, no date – I am not inspired by love. When I see Jesse Jackson listed next to couples who have advertised infidelity and made a joke out of the covenant and title Rev. – I just wonder why. I find it tremendous to celebrate love in all of its facets, but can we distinguish what we are talking about. Janet Jackson dating Jermaine Dupri seems to be a misstep for coverage of unfailing love. I’d rather spend the reading energy on people who thought it worthy to have a ring and a date. But that is just me. 6 years ago

So I’ve been trying to figure out a way to speak to all of the issues that have been lingering in my mind. I started a blog to provide an outlet for those things. I become amazed at the topics and the things that motivate me to write, just like what happened when I first started 43 things. I’m thankful for the opportunity for expression, and I realized taht people don’t have that all across the world.

http://allydsworkinprogress.blogspot.com

So today, I thought about Condolezza Rice, the space love triangle and the slavery of children in Africa. Completely unrelated, but I’ve got a bad case of strep and housework seemed like bad karma. So, not only am I writing more…I’m reading more too. The exchange of ideas is powerful, and that has been the best medicine of all. 6 years ago

Things do not change; we change.

- Henry David Thoreau

I typically don’t really enjoy birthdays, for whatever reason. This year I decided to do something different. I decided to identify 36 reasons to celebrate life, and particularly my life. I have so much to be thankful for and I’m still amazed that my little list could go on forever and ever. I am blessed. I am extremely blessed. So on this special day of celebration, I celebrate all that makes me smile, laugh and remember during a season of reflection and joy. Enjoy.

1. The love of family and friends. I am blessed to have the love of family and friends and a great appreciation for it. I have timeless memories from the yellow school bus and dreams of becoming wonder woman, to road trips authorized and unauthorized, hospital stays and delivery, care packages and then some. I am blessed.

2. Lydia A’Laine priceless 1.

3. Noah Samuel priceless 2.

4. Andrew Stephen priceless 3.

5. God’s grace and love

6. Jesus and his great gift

7. A tremendous mother and the lessons learned from her

8. A tremendous grandmother and the lessons learned from her

9. Cinnamon Hazelnut coffee and sugar free syrup (splenda too!)

10. Coffee Playdates shared in every state, in every possible coffee shop, in many different restaurants and sometimes at the kitchen counter. Here’s to playdates for adults, even when you don’t drink coffee – because you enjoy the company and the time together.

11. P.F. Chang’s, quality Mexican Food, Northern Beans with Smoked Turkey, The Parthenon, Flaming Kabob and homemade cheesecake. (Sometimes she’ll even put fruit on top – yumm!)

12. 11 years of marriage to one man who loves me (With Destiny’s Child Survivor, Sade, Robin Thicke and some others playing in the background).

13. Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority Inc. and true sisterhood

14. Purdue University, The Black Cultural Center and Haraka Writers

15. The University of Toledo School of Business and professors who work to have you reach your fullest potential. There is something magical about learning the difference between knowledge and grades.

16. College roommates and grace.

17. Gratitude, grace and forgiveness. There is something about age and maturity that allows you to appreciate the journey and the process. All of these characteristics are precious and it reminds me of the wonderfully mature elders that surround me and share so much. All three should be applied to family and friendship in abundance I believe.

18. All mothers of 3 children and the secret mother society.

19. Family vacations on a shoestring budget

20. 3 Cardinal families that visit my backyard often

21. Cleaning Buddies – the joy of conversation that is only accomplished with Pinesol, Bleach, Pledge and Windex in hand. There is something tremendously peaceful about the joy and laughter that comes about during this mysterious connection.

22. God’s humor for using flawed people to teach us lessons and the power of the women He set before us – Deborah, Ruth, Naomi, Eve, the Proverbs 31 woman and the list goes on. I miss Word of Faith in Michigan, but I’m thankful for the lessons learned and the pursuit of clarity and understanding in the bible.

23. Good health and the pursuit of it. My great grandmother was an active part of my life and lived to be in her 90’s. I didn’t realize at that time what a great blessing we had in her example and the legacy that comes about when you are here to see many generations.

24. Tears and Silence – not necessarily in that order.

25. Self-Awareness/Self Acceptance (Mary J. Blige’s Take Me As I Am playing in the background.

26. Weight Loss and the shared journey – struggle and success.

27. Early morning dances with a three year old – priceless 3, squared.

28. Snailmail letters in funky envelopes – because sometimes email just won’t do.

29. The written word and the ability to write. (I know there is a book inside somewhere – it may be hiding, but I know it is there.

30. Books – from fluff to phenomenal works of art.

31. Entertainment and the time you take to enjoy things that give you joy.

32. Scrapbooking and photographs.

33. Second Chances (We Fall Down, But we Get Up – Donnie McClurkin singing in the background)

34. The Gift of Laughter. Friends that can laugh with you and help you become astute and laughing kindly at yourself.

35. New Opportunities and the gift of each new day. The potential of what happens every morning when you realize you have another opportunity to do all that you are called to do.

36. Okay, you fill in the blank on this one. Given that this list has disappeared from email twice, I have had lots of time to reflect. But I thought you might think about something you want to celebrate, something that serves as a reason to make you smile, someone that you don’t want to wait 365 days to send warm thoughts their way – anyone, anything. I have so much to be thankful for and I count you as one of my distinct blessings. Whether you are a part of my history, and active part of my present, or a part of my future today on this day of celebrations, I also celebrate you. Have a blessed day. 6 years ago

Why do they call it cellu”lite”, when it is actually very heavy to carry around? I think it would more appropriate to call it what it is – celluheavy. You’ll ponder anything for distraction when you are hungry. Or at least, I do. 6 years ago

REFLECTIONS

I spoke to a friend today and we started laughing about our college years and the lessons our mothers taught us. I was somewhat surprised that her mother had not exactly given “motherly advice” about intimacy and sex, she had been a bit more “wordly” than I anticipated. I recounted what my mother had shared with me – and I was thankful because of it. Collectively we agreed, we will take what we have learned, combined with those lessons, as we teach our daughters for the future.

My mother said:

1. You are selfish. Do not give your virginity away freely – you can not get it back. It may not work for everyone, but she was crafty at realizing the type of person that I was and what would have the most impact.

2. You are private. If you give yourself to someone on a college campus – the entire campus will know it. I really didn’t like the prospects of that – the minority communities on a big ten campus are very intimate, and I learned that very quickly. She was right , I nerd girl, knew people’s initmate histories very quickly and decided that was not how I wanted to approach the next 4 years.

3. Why buy the cow if the milk is free. In and of itself the comment is just a bit cruel, there is no finese in that statement. Now, 11 years of marriage later, I believe it is still an effective summary of a concept I didn’t want to hear at 18.

OPPORTUNITY

This year, like every year, represents an opportunity to take the lessons learned and create with freshness new life. New life in our dreams, our parenting, our marriages, our education, our finances, our community activism, our volunteerism, our lives. There is so much to be thankful for in what we have already learned, and we have to apply those lessons for the future. Future generations will be made more strong, more comprehensive and more capable with those lessons.

This year I aspire to teach my children:

1. Their own inner strength and their inner voice. I want them to realize and apply both. I enjoy being a hands on mother who is available to them as the primary care taker – but I don’t want that gift to be at the expense of their strength.

2. I want to teach my children patience. They have inherited the aggressive nature of their parents, the type a personalities – and all is not well. Not only do I want them to learn grace and patience early, I want them to witness it from their parents and apply it to every day life from a very young age. More now is not a way of life.

3. Being smart does not replace being healthy. They could easily be prone to being the smartest, top of the class, early readers – but I do not want housebound children. Last year my daughter learned to ride a 2 wheeler, my boys were active on their scooters, and playing outside was more of the norm vs. the exception. In this year we want to continue those habits – more walks with mom and dad, family skating, whatever it is – some of it must be physical in nature and done outdoors.
So much to think of in this new year. 6 years ago

I came home from visiting over the holidays – and it is nice to just be home. There is a small part of me that wants to focus on the fact that my plants didn’t get watered, one of my ornaments was broken, and the house isn’t quite rave review clean – but…why? I came home to a beautiful note from a long lost friend, we arrived safely, my children are experiencing the thrill of their second Christmas in their own home (all the presents that they collected from family and friends) and when its all said and done – coming home to my husband is a nice end to a roller coaster visit. Family by birth is nice, family by choice – awwwww – something to celebrate. 6 years ago

what political party you are in – or what way you voted last. I just pray that everyone takes the opportunity to exercise their right to add their voice to the decision – even when it doesn’t necessarily seem like your voice has been heard.

I am pausing today because as we lose another American icon, the oldest living president – I have great respect for the office. I used to take being president for granted – I either shared your politics or I didn’t. Maybe its age, maturity or children – but my views aren’t quite that narrow any more. I respect anyone who takes the challenge, to lead this nation and to leave it better than they found it. I am thankful for people who aspire to this role and for those who serve it with dignity and honor. I am thankful that although mistakes are made and there is a long legacy of inequality here – there is no other place I would rather live.

A statement from Ford’s wife, Betty, said: “My family joins me in sharing the difficult news that Gerald Ford, our beloved husband, father, grandfather and great-grandfather has passed away at 93 years of age. His life was filled with love of God, his family and his country.” We join his family in celebrating a life well lived. 6 years ago

I will remember not his flash or his dance moves, not his family trauma or the wife issues within the media. I will not remember every song or stylistic trend, for my music taste tends to be more different.

I will remember – he is known as the hardest working man in music. He was a diligent manager and made his standards known to his employees and those around him. He cared about appearance regardless of what you think of his choices – and he purchased the attire for each person that was in “his crew.” He didn’t retire – he reinvented himself. And although many people of many backgrounds took his style, his approach, his music, his talent for granted – he never judged people by culture or race – only by their work ethic.

So, although not a true fan in the real sense of those who love him, today I think about james brown – his legacy, his ethic and his love of music known the world through. 6 years ago

A very Merry Christmas and the happiest of holiday season. May you have the joy of family, friendship and peace in your life today and always! May your day be filled with the things that matter most and may your life be touched by the kindness of people near and far. The most precious of gifts don’t come wrapped in a box, they don’t fit neatly in a tree, they have no price to think about or payments in January -

May the true joy of the season be yours, no matter how you celebrate it! 6 years ago

I went to see the local premier of Dreamgirls last night, and enjoyed a rare night out with my friend. It was a great getaway, and I really enjoyed the movie. I can remember seeing the stage production as a little girl and it was interesting to see the new adaptation, especially with Golden Globe interest lingering.

It made me think about the price that people pay to reach their individual dreams. Not many of us dream specifically about fame and the big lights – but all of us if we are lucky dream about something. Yesterday, there was also a morning interview about working vs. stay at home mothers – a debate I’ve long since stopped trying to make sense of. How do these things relate?

My dreams never used to be about motherhood and marriage, but they are the most real part of my life now. As a consultant, I still use my professional skills and I add to the family bottom line with my work. Yet, as I watched that movie and thought about the big dreams, the ones that make you famous – I thought to myself, we have to be careful to make sure the dreams we own are our own.

I used to want to be an engineer – because everyone around me thought I was smart and that was the good thing to do.

I used to want to be a professional career woman – because the world said we were equal and I wanted to prove just how smart I was.

Now, at the end of the day – my dreams are more concrete. I want to raise my children to reach their fullest potential. I want to bring happiness and joy to the lives of people around me. I want to do something very, very well – so that the legacy of my work lives long after I’m gone. I want to be the best possible wife – so that I am a partner in giving birth to my husbands dream. I want to end my life with God saying – job well done.

So, you probably won’t see me on screen, I want be in flashing lights, but…..I’ll be living my dreams and helping others reach theirs. And in the midst of it all I’ll be celebrating small moments when entertainment and art merge to make you think – not – that we want to be more like them, but maybe their lives would be better if they were a little more simple, like ours. (I’d take the paycheck any day though – don’t get me wrong.)

Here’s to living your dreams. 6 years ago

It’s hard to believe its December already. After being in the midwest for a lifetime, it should come as no surprise when the weather changes, the cold settles in and you realize snow is right around the corner. This has been the longest week in history, every day I looked up hoping and wishing that the days were just over. Guilt settles in, there are so many people who would value and appreciate those days. I’m a big fan of being a realist, sometimes being outta sorts is just what it is.

Usually I write about being a better wife, or aspiring to be the best spouse, best mother – but today -those goals are not the most pressing. I look around and I wish that it was spring already, a time of renewal – even though I like the holiday season. A combination of things I guess – but I’m assuredly not winning awards on any of my goals this time around. I’m simply outta sorts with very little time for personal renewal in sight. 6 years ago

I don’t take a lot of time out for my beauty regimine – I’m the mother of three children. On a regular basis, my focus is drop off and pick up schedules, reading, phonics and consulting in my spare time. When I see clients, I’m a bit more polished, I take the time to pull on my professional gear and get myself together for the exchange. First impressions, however, are made every day.

In the school office, in the line at the grocery store, shopping at Walmart, at the Dr.’s office, everywhere. So, today – with self maintenance no where on my list – I noticed the reactions of people around me. It is easier for people to ignore you, write you off, assume they know you – when you aren’t focusing on yourself. Those same people and the environment of those places change drastically, when the wardrobe of choice is slacks, blazer, business shoes, etc. – vs. my choice today – sweats (not even nice sweats).

I wish it didn’t matter. I wish I didn’t notice or didn’t care what people think. The reality is – it interrupts the entire experience, and I know, and experience the difference. So, good bye to my casual comfort – I have formally decided that every day has to be approached that it is not a dress rehearsal – and I’ll save my casual comfort for when I don’t have to rely on service, professionalism or casual interactions with people who shouldn’t judge a book by the cover, but do. 6 years ago

My children love the lights of the holiday season. They see the decorations and all that exists, and they can’t help but get exctied about Christmas. I have always been honest about the true reason for the season, but because of their ages – they are very curious about everything around them.

So – I’ve always equated the beautiful lights with Jesus being the light of the world. My youngest remarked, since we love Jesus, how come we haven’t put up our lights – we want to say that Jesus is the light of the world too. So…the pressure is on – to light our part of the world, in decorations and in deed. 6 years ago

The ivy plant in the front room was dying, limp, looked like there wasn’t much of an opportunity left. I’m not sure what the problem was – too cold, lack of water, lack of attention, lack of sun…

But, today its perked up. I changed the location, gave it some water, it is closer to a window.

It made me think, what would it take to give people second chances, and if they had them would they continue to be limp, dying and lose what they had – or would they rebound, take the second chance, grow, even thrive. What if we treated people better than plants. 6 years ago

I’m anemic with severly low iron. I’ve known this for years, but I’m dealing with it for the first time with a new doctor, it’s the first time I haven’t been addressing the issue during a pregnancy. As the doctor did my blood tests and results, twice, she tried to explain my condition in a way that would finally make me understand.

She asked me about experiencing fatigue…and I clarified as a mother of 3 – who doesn’t feel tired sometimes. She stopped my sentence, when other people say they are tired they feel like you do when you wake up from a full nights rest at the top of the morning. YIKES. She also said – I had “trained my body” to deal with the circumstances that were not normal, and I overcompensate.

All of that to say – isn’t that the case for most of us. We overcompensate for things we have learned to deal with – even if it isn’t “normal.” When I read the zeitgeist and other entries and comments its painfully clear – we are all dealing with something. For most of us – we figure out a way to make it work in order to proceed with our every day lives. Sometimes, it isn’t until there is a major collision or crash, that we assess how we’ve managed to with the cards that we are dealt.

In many instances its my faith, others education and still others friendship and marriage that provide me security. In dealing with the doctor, for the first time I thought – well, what if? What if there is something major wrong? What if I felt 110% better and had more energy all of the time? What if I took my medicine 3 x’s a day and didn’t ignore my own health? What if – we didn’t just manage to survive – but we worked to thrive each and every day?

So, I’ll take my iron – and I’m wondering – what is it the rest of us need to take, do, experience, release, whatever….to not overcompensate, but to change our lives forever. 6 years ago

Gerald Levert, R and B soulful singer, died at age 40. It is with both amazement and sadness that I think about how quickly life is lost. Does that mean that life is more fragile when its a star….no, I actually had an aunt lose her battle with cancer not quite a week ago – so the issue has been lingering. The thing that I simply can not get over – he was 40 years old. I’m closer to 40 than any other number right about now, and I’m shaking my head and really reflecting on just how fragile life is. After a year of healthy eating, I have had a huge relap in recent weeks – more calories and “bad foods” than I had done in previous months. He died of a heart attack in his sleep – and I think to myself – I have 3 children and a husband. I can no longer be cavalier about life choices without thinking about the fact that life is fragile…and we make choices that impact it each and every day. With so many songs that I could remember – I was surpised to read that he had “moderate” success by industry standards. No platinum records, just slow and steady music for the soul. I’m saddened for his family, his fans, but….I’m even sadder for those of us that don’t take a lesson. Live life with purpose and make choices that will last and linger for a life well lived. I’ll miss that G-bear…and I’m going to go hug each of my little babies with new resolve about what I need to do to leave a legacy for them. 6 years ago

It may be a sick use of time and a crazy past time – but I will vote for Emmit Smith, I will, I will.

1. Style

2. Charisma

3. A touchable approach – he doesn’t look flawless, and you want to dance.

4. He’s Gracious!

5. He honors his wife whenever he has an interview.

6. I actually admitted I watch this – it is very important to vote now.

7. Ride Sally Ride.

8. In honor of my cotillion partner – Mr. D. Womack

9. Dancing makes you smile – regardless of skill level.

10. Life should have a little fun – even if it is in this form. 6 years ago