Stop binge eating

I binged today…as I did yesterday. I just found this site and I’m starting tomorrow. I read where someone said it helps to repeat, “I am recovered.” I think I’ll try that. I like the sound of it. (;

I have had problems with food all my life. It’s a love-hate relationship and I find it controls me rather than me controlling it. I have zig zigged through anorexia, bulemia and binge-eating and currently- although I have a healthy diet and take great pleasure it maintaining it- I regularly lose control, feast out and the guilt spiral starts all over again. I want to stop binge eating.

Hi everyone. I’ve been a member of this goal several times in the past and have been really successful at times only to go back and do it all over again-you know the story. Anyway, one of those times, I met someone on here and we corresponded back and forth and both did much better in achieving our goal for having done it. I realise people don’t use this much anymore but I would love to see a small group of us get together and support each other and achieve our goal together. You don’t have to share anything you don’t want to-just know that there’s someone there for support and to help resist temptation and to report and celebrate your victories with.

Is anyone interested?

Back to normal. I ate two very healthy meals, breakfast and lunch, and feel really much better. This whole thing is a reminder that i have to be vigilant against a relapse, and I also need to focus on my relationship with food. And also that I need to be extra careful when traveling… make response cards and find distractions to bring with me.

After a month of steady control and weight loss and care and freedom from this vicious cycle with the help of a book by judith beck, all my newfound skills and self-control and freedom went out the window on Sunday, exactly two days ago, when I got on a plane for a reporting trip to the middle of nowhere and when i got there, totally feeling lost and scared and not sure what to do or how to report on this GOD AWFUL place, also cold because I hadn’t packed a warm jacket, also worried about losing a friend with whom I had tried to have an assertive conversation about concerns but it backfired, I went into a restaurant and proceeded to finish the whole dish rather than the third of it that I meant to eat. That one lapse snowballed, because of the stress and weird feelings of being there… and I started eating ice cream til it hurt. Seriously hurt the next day. But I kept eating and I think I already gained a pound from all the food. Technically, counting calories, it should be a pound. But I can lose it back but first I have to process all the feelings. I felt scared, cold, lonely, lost, under deadline pressure, helpless, didn’t know what to do or how to do my work. I felt in over my head. Why was I there in the first place? I didn’t know. On top of work stress, I also felt guilty and worried about losing my friend. I also just hated that town. It was the freakiest most desolate place I have EVER BEEN IN MY LIFE. It was really the scariest place I have ever been. The town seemed inhuman and apocalyptic. I am not exaggerating. And in my head, I felt all chaos and confusion and fear. Binge eating was my way to escape the feelings. And focus the chaos in my mind on one thing… bite by bite. Next time I should bring some things to distract myself. I don’t know what. I guess I could have texted my friend. Or listened to music. I just want to feel free to travel without throwing my diet out the window and inhaling calories as if I’m aiming to break the binge-eating world record. As soon as I got home today I felt safe and fine again… and I slept nonstop. I went to sleep at 8 p.m. yesterday, woke up at 8 a.m. today, then back to sleep from 11:30 a.m. to 4 p.m. It was all half-sleep with strange dreams. I just want to get back on track. And I want to free myself, to learn how to travel in the future without losing my marbles again.
I think one of my problems was intellectualizing.. instead of just being conscious of my sheer terror at this place, I was thinking… how am I going to get my story done? What am I going to ask this person I need to interview about whatever? I was totally unaware of my feelings. I felt like rocking back and forth or burying myself under the covers… but I made dazed efforts to interview people… which is hard when I was so detached myself.

Today is my line in the sand day, although I know I will never be perfect I am determined to be recovered and live a normal life. Being pregnant is extra motivation to overcome and be healhty and happy

It’s been 46 days now since I last binged. I’ve been losing weight (21 pounds) and I feel a lot better now that I’m not bingeing. I discovered the key for me is to not let myself get really really hungry. When I go a long time without eating, I notice I want to binge. I’ve been eating larger meals and only one snack a day, and that helps a lot.

I went 5 days without bingeing. That probably sounds pathetic, but for me that is a huge achievement. I can’t even remember the last time I went that long without bingeing. I had a big binge this afternoon, recovered, then relapsed again in the evening. I am so angry with myself, because I know I could have prevented it: I have this rule that I am not allowed to eat for 20 minutes after a meal, not even a crumb, because it always ends in a binge. I broke the rule and paid for it. Now I have to get into my routine again. Hopefully I can get it fixed before the weekend.

The last three days have been utter hell – I was constantly bingeing. I feel fat and worthless. It is so very hard to break out of the cycle once I’m in it. And to think it all started with a ‘innocent’ snack!
Yesterday things kinda fell back into order again, so today I’m going to try to be nice to myself and see how it goes.

The summer break was officially over last week and I’m already a wrek.
I was good with food, at the office, I also managed to cope fairly well with this spiteful collegue of mine: I hate her and she has a knack for getting on my nerves. But I did good.
It was yesterday that I lost control – total control. I’ve been binging since yesterday, everything looks grim and I lack energy.
I spent most of the morning at the hospital: I needed to take some tests and the doctors were not only impolite, but unprofessional: this doctor didn’t even care to ask if I had any symptoms, and the test was incomplete too.
Feeling very frustrated and worried (it’s my health we are dealing with!) I went home and was already down.
In the afternoon I went to my family doctor, had to wait like two hours in the waiting room, and early on Monday morning I’ll have to take more tests.
In addition to this, as I was at the hospital, I got two work-related phone calls that both upset me.

So, I just relapsed into binge eating. It was not as bad as it used to be (not at all!!!) I would not even call it a binge episode, I just overate. No throwing up (it’s been a month now, or maybe more, and it was a hude step forward!). But still, I feel so bad, especially physically. I’ve eaten too much.

There’s nothing I can do about it right now, but I can take some exercise, maybe go to the pool, and wait until I digest everything and feel a little bit better.

Regarding prevention:
This all was a consequence of my lack of control over the events I had to deal with. I need to be in control of my life and do what I choose to do. I need to defend my power over my life.

Medical check-ups are necessary, especially because there’s something wrong with me, I have pain, my blood tests do not look good, and doctors say I should undergo an operation. So, all the checkups and second opinions.

However, I believe that a better quality of life can help me much more than all the s*t I have to take every time I go to the hospital or talk to unsympathetic doctors/nurses (there are so many of them!!!).

And, I also need to work out some coping strategies when I get upset. I cannot expect nothing and nobody will ever upset me, so I’ve gotta find a way to cope with it, without resorting to binge-eating or self-sabotaging behaviours.

Today I have the whole day for myself. I can try and find a little bit of balance, relaxation, and eat healthy, at least for the remaining of the day.

Things need to change. I need to change so as to finally be my true self.