Know what's me, and what's not me, but be unafraid to push my own boundaries

Our boundaries are ours alone. Other people don’t necessarily know that we’re pushing these boundaries. As such, the challenge is an internal one. And it’s worth the exploration.

I thought I had found a really great guy and I did, but he wasn’t for me. I have a boundary that knows people aren’t perfect and make mistakes. I am also forgiving… but for someone to insinuate I don’t have common sense and that I didn’t think- then I respond, “I can’t do this,” I will not accept put downs anymore! It started when I was a little girl and my Dad teased me mercilessly, it ended with my ex who said everything he could to try and make me believe I had no sense whatsoever! No, I will not participate! I can’t! My ability to breathe depends upon my walking away from it! If you need to be that way, you need a different partner.

So the boundary I will push is forgiveness even though a part of me is reeling mad!

The relationship I started to continue… but only if it’s in the best interest of us both. Out of fear over losing this person I said more than I needed and I think pushed them away even more. I have a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I’m tired and I think I needed to wear myself out emotionally to stop and think. It would have been easier in the beginning. Be still. Instead I went into fear and panic. We all have our lessons to learn. I’m trying really hard not to beat myself up about it. Everything happens for a reason right? What is meant to be will be, so whether I made mistakes or not it all works out, whether the outcome is what I wanted or not. If what I want is not what’s best for me, then I’d like my heart to feel and know that! I just need to settle down and trust the process of life~

What do you do when someone acts out of character and you don’t agree with what they say… than add a dose of You’re selfish and “I would have thought it through, because that’s common sense” and you wonder what happened. Then I asked myself, okay, was I selfish, even a little. Okay maybe I was but I didn’t deserve to be treated and talked to the way I was. So the boundary here is loving myself enough to say I didn’t deserve that, I’m unhappy with the turn of events and I guess I just need to get over the resounding ache in my heart.

Today, however I did… I was invited over to just hang out. So after church, I went to see A.M. it’s almost been 2 years, though we have spoken on the phone a few times (most recently when he heard about the strike). He showed me around his new home and we watched a little TV. I didn’t stay long because I have so much to do. He called while I was on my way back home, asking if we could hang out again- and not wait almost 2 years this time … ;)