Stop hurting myself

Ive been hurting myself on and off for years, its something ive grown up around. Im not a violet person but sometimes i cant help get mad. I never hurt others, i always take it out on myself. Recently ive been doing it alot more, me and my GF have been argueing alot and it upsets us both. Its always about stupid little things. One major one has come up. Next year my GF will be off to uni, leaving me for 3 years. I cant cope with that, so i told her not go. I said we could both join the police force (like we want to anyways) and then just move in together. She just said no to my idea traight away, didnt even think. so i told her i would cut myself everyday till she gets back. but she doenst like this. and i dont like upsetting her. What do i do?? :/

I am so tired of this…i haven’t been cutting a long time i don’t think…i can’t remember the first time i did it…wow i guess it was almost a year ago…but it started out with me biting my wrist until it bled…then i would scratch and claw at it with my finger nails…after that stopped…i took nail clippers to the top of my hand…just one long scratch…but i made it really deep. Then my boyfriend made me stop…he made me promise…so i stopped…but it only lasted a few months. we started arguing a lot..so I resorted to other things…i started feeling as if i wasn’t good enough for him…so i started Purging….it was horrible..but it worked….over the time span of four days of binging then purging i lost a good five solid pounds, and they stayed off…i loved it…but he couldn’t stand the thought of me doing that to myself. So he made me stop, i didn’t want to but i did..and after that Me and him started arguing a lot more, and he threatened to leave me more than once…he was and is my WHOLE WORLD…without him my life has no meaning….no purpose…I started off with just a few scratches…not very deep but they were effective…i used scissors…Over the period of a few days i had scratches in varying depths and lengths all up and down my forearm…the way i had been thinking of it was if they didn’t bleed they didn’t count…i also had the word LOVE carved into my arm. I thought it was beautiful. but My boyfriend made me stop….he said it was bad…so i did stop…things between him stayed stressed…we argued and fussed and i cried and wanted to die…so after a few months i started cutting again….now…there deeeeeep ones on my arm…they were deep enough that i could use the blood coming out of the cuts to make two small paintings…which i did..i now have one on my waist, two on my left ankle, one on the heel of my left hand. one on my right index finger and my right thumb. one on my right forearm and right shoulder. and i think 11 on my left forearm. i don’t think thats all of them because last time i counted i counted 22 total new marks…OH and one on my face…he only thinks theres one new one and he’s mad again…but he doesn’t do anything to console me or try and convince me to stop…he threatens me to stop..which isn’t really motivating…i want to stop…but at the same time i love it so much…it’s so pretty…the blood is so pretty, and the pain is amazing…i know it sounds weird…i just don’t know what to do…because this is what makes me feel…i either feel sad or angry or emotionless all the time…but this makes me happy and excited…

well i have this anger problem and an add and bipolar problem and im on meds but the thing about it is i dont take it out on other people because i cant stand hurting people but i burn myself when im angry,i do it with lighters and it leaves nasty “A” shaped scars on me…just the other day me and my girlfreind made a promise to eachother that if i didnt hurt myself she wouldnt do something i didnt want her to do and shes kept her promise but just yesterday i broke mine and i told her and she forgave me but the point is that im sure ill do it again and the worse part is i like it beccuz with my add i cant focus on anything and it allows me to focus on the pain and with my anger same thing i focus on the pain instead of all the things that have made me angry…..i really need help=(

people look at my face and say i’m hott but if you would lift up my shirt my sleeve and my pant you’ll see the scares i do this in an act of felling good and i do this type of thing all the time and still it don’t help the pain it only stops it for a min and the pain is back my boyfriend treats me like shit but i can’t leave him he pushes and pushes me and in resut i hurt myself over and over again and no madder what i do i can’t stop i’ve tried counsuling but they don’t understand what i’m going trew they say just STOP but they don’t know how hard it is this addiction is worse then any drug and drugs don’t help the pain i’m going trew i’ve tryed everything nothing works

itend to get really depressed and i hurt myself,
it hurts my friend when she sees my scars or when i break my fingers or knuckles punching things,
i keep trying to stop but i always go back to it, i feel like a failure, and i really dont want to see my friend hurt =( i would do anything for her and i want to stop cutting myself and breaking my hand, the funny thing is i usally hurt myself because of her,, i want to be with her like i used to but she doesnt want that anymore, i miss being with her =( but its still no excuse.. i need to stop hurting myself, because i dont want to hurt her.

i thought he was the one…yet he broke my heart
i was afraid
i was scared
i just took scissors and started cutting my legs
i couldnt stop
it was 4months ago
yet i cant get over it
he tells me 2 stop
he doesnt understand how i felt
now…
my parents are fighting
yelling and screaming and crying
it feels like its my fault
so i disipline myself
i still cutt my legs but now i cutt my wrists
my friends tell me 2 stop
i sayy its not that easy and its not_!
im really dark now
i blame almost everything on myself or god
people call me “EMO”
and well i guess i am
idk how im not
avery (my bf) is helping me through this
he gives me a reason to live everyday
but im scared
i no how im going 2 end up if he dumps me
ummm
my parents fought yesterday and i carved avery’s name in my leg

ummm later

I don’t physically do it but emotionally I beat myself to a pulp, and usually the closest to me {my loving boyfrien}! I hope everyone out there can learn to give into just being kind to themselves…

with all the people in the world who have terrible, legitimate problems not all caused by their own fucking selves and fight on through its disgusting and shameful. i am not a morbid person i try hard hard hard to be upbeat and certainly do not want attention, i would never tell and couldnt make myself spew up the necessary words even if i wanted to. ive got to quit and or ill be disgusted with myself forever, and have hide marks and oozing disgusting blisters, and act strange, the teachers flipping through versions of hamlet and i look up just as some dickhead director decides itd be cute to have the 2nd most quoted character in english slice his arm to demonstrate his pathetic state and i as always the queen of composure and control jump so hard the table almost tips and double over like a folding chair to avoid seeing the people now starting at me. pull. fucking. self. together.

So, I don’t know if you have ever had a low day where you just feel like crap, but i do, fairly often, but never enough to do anything about it. Then one day, i was home alone, i woke up feeling completely out of place. I had had this feeling that soemthing bad was going to happen for a few days and it was starting to eat me up. I started worrying about my relationships, with my boyfriend, best friends, family. And i started thinking about what my life really meant in the grand scale of things. I forgot to mention that i am paranoid and have a vivid imagination, because i basically started thinking that the people i love, i didn’t really love at all, that the people who loved me didn’t really love me. I started thinking of my life in such a way that i couldn’t come out of it. I grabbed a knife from the kitchen and tried to drag it across my hip, then i went back for a sharper knife and continued on. I made four small lines within the tan line on my hip, out of sight. They all hurt, but barely bled. I had started crying none stop. I coudlnit believe that i had sunken so low. I called everyone i thought i could trust. My best friends and my boyfrined. All three of my best friends were unavailable. The only one i was able to reach, after a pitiful half sobbing message on her answering machine, was to far away and had no way of getting to my house. My boyfriend was still at work for another hour and a half. Finally, my closest friend called, just off of work and close by. She convinced her Father to come and pick me up simply saying that it was an emergency and very important. I was relieved, I knew i couldn’t trust myself to be alone feeling like i did. Then just after hanging up, My love called after he got off work, completely out of character. Our phone calls usually consist of late-nights. But i was so…happy, to hear his voice. At first he asked why i was so tired, i was whispereing and he couldn’t hear me, then i told him i wasn’t tired and broke down again, spilling the details of what i had done. His voice sounded angry and concerned all at once. But i reassured him that my friend was coming and that i would stay on the phone until she did. It wasn’t much longer before she did show up, taking me by the hand and pulling me towards somewhere she knew i could relax and forget about my life for a few hours. Later that same night i met up with my Love at the local park. He had been waiting at home by the phone for the past three hours, putting off the plans i knew he had already made. we talked, i cried and he made me promise that i would never do it again, because it wasn’t just hurting me but him as well. He felt as if he wasn’t good enough, that he didn’t make me happy. Nothing but the complete opposite was true. He makes me feels so happy when I’m with him, all my bad feelings dissapear, and I can’t help but want to ravage him, keep him away from the world and to myself. I know for a fact that since dating him, my life has only gotten better. If anything I have improved from my attempt of suicide months earlier before I met him. I still am improving. I still have my down days and i still have my moments, but i know i can call someone. Someone always cares about me. Without my parents knowing, its hard to sit there when people are discussing these topics but, i know how hurt they would be if they knew and its one more thing thats keeping me from doing it again.

I cut unfortunately and i have a scar to prove it…If only i could stop. I also drag my hands against bricks, bite and slice open my skin with my nails. if want to stop but can’t. It’s like an addiction i can’t get out of. HELP…