funny how I’ve ended up here, and not necessarily by design. I’ve lost touch with my maternal instincts and now just feel acutely aware that I am not in a place to take on such a responsibility. I think there is risks either way, so whatever happens, happens. NO kids, sad at times… in the future. But also having kids, can be soo stressful, brings it’s own problems. Life is life! I will live my life in whatever form it brings and be thankful for the ride! 4 years ago
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although, let it be said, that I half felt like I was fighting back tears, 10% feeling sorry for myself, 5% feeling all alone in the world, and what does that leave left…..35% just enjoying the party and being happy for my friend…... when I walked out I felt like I had made a successful appearance, smiled, and reminded myself on the way home of all the abundance I do have. Now home, and almost recovered, but it was something alright! I feel so much like Samantha from sex in the city right now, except with the desire for a child… a combo of Samantha and Charlotte, that’s me, what a frickin combo! 4 years ago
Im OK with it. This time next week I might not be – but I’ve been OK for a few months now really so I thought I’d tick it off the list. At the end of the day, for me, this goal might as well be “Not be upset that I’m not a man” Or “Not be upset that I haven’t won lotto”. It’s something that just isn’t going to happen for us (or highly unlikely anyway), and I have to make sure my life is full and happy without kids. I guess I’m lucky in that the choice has been taken away in a way. It’s not something I can hope to happen and always be disapointed.
I do still get a bit maudling when I see gorgeous babies on the tv – then I get a reality check with a screamer in the supermarket so it all works out :) 4 years ago
has been quite difficult to say the least.
my wife of a decade refuses to give in & have a child with me. she has her reasons and they’re all good except for ONE; i DON’T have any kids of my own and i want to be a father more than anything else. she has 2.
DAILY i LIVE at the crossroads of life – careful not to step away, yet burdoned with each grey hair. this problem has chiseled away at our love. i can remember wanting LOVE most of all. those days are long gone.
now all i want is to be a father. 5 years ago
a picture of the sweetest newborn baby boy…...oh, he looked like a perfect cherub! those babies stir my hormones something terrible. I need some quick contact with teenagers to set me straight! asap. 5 years ago
I”m so utterly exhausted….. I can’t imagine having to care for another little human. right now, I’m feeling like it’s good I don’t have kids! definitely not ready right now. 5 years ago
And I will be posting my thoughts on this topic there for now. 5 years ago
I dug out my paints and art supplies and found a collage I had made two years ago. It was during my high time of really being in baby mode, my uterus was at the helm so to speak. I had made a collage with baby/family themes, including a ring and pregnant woman looking so blissed out and beautiful. Now, two years later, I have the ring and hardly wear it, and finally the baby urges are giving way to reality and common sense. It seems that I have been riding out a hormonal storm! Those darn hormones can be dangerous! I think my hormones could be harnessed to develop weaponry, really powerful stuff. Look out Baghdad, they are dropping some of her hormones, yikes! An idea though, it would definitely probably thwart terrorism if they had to deal with my estrogen. 5 years ago
today was on a woman trying to decrease fighting between her two daughters by paying the older daughter $25 a week to play and be nice to her little sister. Oh my goodness, all baby urges have left my body after listening to that. They also replayed excerpts of the kids fighting, yuck! I know for sure I could not deal. perhaps me not having kids is a blessing in many more ways than I fully understand. 5 years ago
My christmas eve was a gift in a way. B’s uncle invited us down for a traditional swedish dinner. His uncle is a retired banker who is always generating ideas, producing videos, writing, he’s fun to visit. He also has four adopted boys ages, 15, 19, 22, and 24. The 24 year old luckily lives on his own, but comes home regularly for food and supplies etc, and has given them grief countless times with drugs and alcohol. The 22 yr old still lives at home and has never had a job for more than a few weeks. He promises he is looking for work and he emails one resume a week and considers that an apt job search, what with all the time he’s watching movies and playing guitar hero. The 19 yr old just got obliquely involved in gang activity stealing in exchange for drugs. Now the 15 year old, he was cute and well behaved, and the parents are really hoping that he will not want to follow his brothers. I could see how stressful it was for the parents, feeling so little control over these boys. They also complained how much their friends influence them and they cannot be reasoned with. I was not envious to say the least. In fact it was downright disturbing to consider dealing with teenagers. So, this week, I’m feeling another release from my hormonal drive to procreate. It feels so good not to have that anxiety and all the thoughts that go along with it. And a girl at work is adopting a baby and I felt so excited for her, I felt a hint that I could feel good about that option in the future perhaps as well. I feel good about starting the new year with a gradually improving perspective on my feelings towards wanting a family. What sweet relief even if just for now. 5 years ago
I watched this movie last night, it did not help things. But it was a pretty cute movie. 5 years ago
I don’t know why I can’t seem to get a better handle on this. I remind myself to relax and trust the future, that things have always worked out, and yet, I remain upset! I seem to keep the lid on this most of the time, but about once a month or so, I realize I’m just pushing my feelings down, and all that upset is just sitting there, not diminished in any way. Darn. I think being around teenagers and screaming babies helps. Perhaps I should check out the local high school for a reality check. This is what it’s coming to. 5 years ago
which brings up many of my own fears and insecurities about aging into my mid-thirties. Just when I feel okay….I get triggered. This is still a hot topic for me. I wish it were all simple and easy to navigate. Rather, life is much more interesting than that! I will find a way to love what cards I’m dealt. Life is an amazing journey! 5 years ago
a patient of mine, attributes her long life and health to the fact that she never had children…........... Hmmmmmm.
. 5 years ago
Right now I feel like I would be really upset. But although I know there are actions I can take that will influence this outcome, I know that ultimately it’s not entirely in my control. 5 years ago
I’ve got too much emotional investment in naming my first little girl.
Indian culture has a system of choosing a name based on a letter that is determined on the time and date of birth.
So in my case it was determined to have begun by the letter ‘S’ (well close aproximation to Hindhi lettering.
On that note, if the letter matches my grand mother I would love to name her after her, It would be an honor to name my little girl after my mother or some of her sisters or even after my sisters.
Lets say my wife (if I should be so lucky) cannot have children or I am unable to have children, we could adopt).
That being said never having kids (biological or adopted) will upset me :( and I am willing to consider that a given. 5 years ago
“Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.”
- Henry Ford
I guess this relationship ending isn’t such a bad thing after all. Yes, I will be more intelligent in the future, and that is very good news! 5 years ago
I still feel upset that I have expressed to my boyfriend how important family and kids are to me. It is now five years that I have known him, we even got engaged a year ago….. and still he will not even discuss the topic, stating only “not now”. I’m upset! this whole goal is silly. I know people keep cheering me, and it will be a sign that I have attained maturity and hopefully clarity, but it’s a long way off before I’m not going to be upset about this topic. argh! I got all fired up tonight after hearing about yet, another one of his friends who is now married and having kids. I know I”m not looking at this situation in an objective manner, it all feels too close to home right now. Hopefully I will cool off and realize it is time to move on and figure out how to be happy with my current circumstances. 5 years ago
I went to see my childhood best friend, who has a three year old, and identical twin girls that just turned one year old. It was chaotic, but I loved it. I think I will be upset if I don’t have kids. Not sure what to do about this goal. It’s been getting cheered. But, in my heart and hormones, I want kids! UGh. 5 years ago
one reason I have wanted children of my own, is a craving for a family. I think my own family of origin lacked cohesiveness, and somehow I have fantasized that I could reconcile that with my own family. but in reality, my own family would likely have many problems I could not anticipate and would merely be another adventure/challenge and not a comforting/cure for feelings of loneliness and impermanence. Life is fragile, and the underlying anxiety of impermanence is here to stay, it’s a fact. Recognizing this helps me see my motivation for children, and that I would still have to deal with these other issues. Also, without relationships as a primary focus, perhaps I can find other meaningful work, volunteering, getting involved in educational programs. This week I worked with a nun who has lived in Chile for 20 years, nurturing the villagers in a small community. I thought, that is a good back up plan. I can still decide to be a nun at any time and go live in the mountains of south america! Life is full of possibilities! 5 years ago
Just found out I have PCOS, which isn’t life threatening or anything like that – but it may be difficult for me to have children. Now this is something I’ve never had a particular urge to do. But not wanting children and hearing I probably can’t have children are two different things. I only found out yesterday so I’m not really sure how I feel about it yet. It’s going to get more difficult to conceive the older I get – but I don’t want to try for a baby now “just in case” I suddenly want one in the future! But then what happens if I suddenly have a maternal kick in a few years and I’ve left it to late??
I guess what will be will be and I just have to trust that if it’s meant to happen it will…. 5 years ago
Oh, it is such sweet relief not to have such strong urges/feelings/longings/ for my own sweet bundle of joy. I think the fact that my relationship is really tanking has something to do with this. And it is very interesting to see just how much denial/ unrealistic hopefulness I have invested in this one, this time. I”ve done it before, sometimes I call it being romantic. But honestly, being awake, and seeing the truth objectively and not from my fantasy/grasping mind set, is more than delicious. And then I also feel like myself again. Like the real me is crawling out of the wreckage of dashed hopes and expectations, which really have no place in life from here on out. I’ve give my expectations a shot, gave them the benefit of the doubt. No matter, what. I will always be me, and that is comforting. So, relationship or not, kids or not, I’ll still be the cool cat I love to spend time with. Thank goodness for sweet relief!@ 5 years ago
I’m watching this movie and I totally relate to Maggie Gyllenhal’s character. still struggling with this one. 6 years ago
I’m thinking about it this way…. lot’s of people really want to have the experience of “getting married”, the wedding, the dress, the honeymoon….... I think I have a bit of this romanticizing syndrome going on around the idea of having kids. So, I’m telling myself, I was married once, and yes, it was a good life experience, but it wasn’t magical, and it didn’t solve all of lifes continual problems that crop up. Having been married, it took the mystery out of it for me. This somehow comforts me. To think in terms of a more real experience having kids or not having kids, each side will have benefits and drawbacks…. 6 years ago
I have thought a lot about this. Right now I can’t even imagine having kids. But most importantly, I have realized how much I love indulding in other peoples kids. I really love being Super Aunt (real or adopted), and if (when) I have kids there is not going to be much time for Super Aunt activities…
This is not to say I will not have kids, but it is just not an issue right now.
Most importantly. I have to make room on my list to be on both Trauma Junkie Peach and Keen teams.
JK a little bit6 years ago
It appears that now I’m in my thirties, people have given up on asking me “when are you going to get married” and now it’s “do you think you will ever have children?”. How can I answer that! I’m not a hen who can just scuttle off into the chookhouse one morning and voila! There is just a wee bit more to it than that. Or people will say stuff like “oh, you’ll understand when you have kids”, assuming that’s how it turns out for everyone. Sometimes I find it getting under my skin and can’t help feeling like I’ll disappoint people, and myself, if it doesn’t turn out that way for me.
So I think I need to keep this goal in mind. 7 years ago
I just love kids like crazy. In my early twenties I thought I wouldn’t want kids, but then my 4 nieces came along and tought me that I can take care of a kid without breaking him/her. Also I like myself a lot more in their company. Going with the flow is the way to be.
But I fear that I find myself 10 years from now without kids of my own and freaking out about it. So this goal is to love the kids in my life, and know if I don’t have any on my own it was because it wasn’t meant to be. 8 years ago