live now rather than always looking forward

I love doing this! Yesterday I meet a friend at 10:30 in the night, and we decided to meet 5min before. Then when I got home, somewhere around midnight, I took a bath in our pool. It was awsome! :D For me thats living now! And I love it! Now I get to do what I want to do instead of thinking and dreaming of doing it… ;D Now I’ve just got to keep doing it! :D

When I start looking to far into the future, especially when I’m worrying about something in the future I have a new plan. I tell myself to focus on NOW and ask myself if there is anything going on RIGHT NOW in this very moment that I need to be worried about. There NEVER is. It is helping. I still have to work on just enjoying he moment when I am having fun and not looking ahead and thinking about how soon it will end.

I realised I have a serious problem with this.

Since I entered college I kind of neglected my social life, the first year after graduation I also only thought of working.

I succeed in reaching my goals: getting good exams, saving money… but I pay a price for it that’s too high.

I felt like I was really doing better for a while. But I think I have slipped again. When I don’t have anything to look forward to I feel myself getting more depressed. I want to just enjoy the moment I’m in now without always having to have something big to look forward to.

I’ve not had a good week with this goal. The future scares me and I can’t quit worrying about it. I just want to focus on NOW!

I have been taking a yoga class where we have done some meditation. I think I am going to do some more of this to try to help with this goal.

I’ve been reading a book called The Power Of Now by Eckert Tolle. It is helping with this.

I did this by being totally honest with myself and saying “no” to that which was not me, right now.

Perhaps there is an alternate dimension where I am a different girl who can do everything. I am satisfied with this person, though, so I’d rather work on how she does her best… now.

I have not really applied myself to this yet, but I know I need to do it. I find myself thinking, “Well, three and a half years until collgege,” “I can’t wait until I can get our of this town,” “I can’t wait until I don’t have to listen to my parents anymore,” “I get my license next year,” etc. I know that’s not good, but my future seems so bright it’s just exciting. It also helps that I can’t stand my life right now. I have a wonderful boyfriend, but my family can’t get along for a single weekend, I’m extremely broke, my parents are too strict, and my stepdad is driving me insane. Ha. As I reread that, it reminds me of a friend who can’t stop complaining. I know I am blessed to be living in America and everything, but its the little things that drive me insane. So, I can’t wait until I get my driver’s license, graduate from highschool, go to college, have an exciting life, and leave home for good.

I think I’ve taken a step toward living more for today lately, I have recently got my job I wanted at the station I wanted to work at, and I just signed on a lease for my apartment today, And will be going to work tomorrow then coming home and looking for a place to buy a microwave. anyways, I still have not gotten as far as I want to in my Living for NOW walk, But I will continue to work toward that goal… oh darn, I did it again, its so hard not to put something off!