I almost killed myself by cutting, i now realise how selfish i was being and i have stopped and i’m going to turn my life around. I guess being near death taught me something good in a way, but i don’t think it should be a ‘goal’ as such. 4 months ago

I got hit by a car at the start of December. The soaring through the air was nice but not so much the pain afterwards. Great for concentrating the mind for the things you want to archive though. 5 months ago

I had been suffering from “fainting” spells where I remained conscious while everything went white, and I would become woozy and clammy, since I hit puberty. There was no rhyme or reason to them, and I had learned to control the more minor ones, and fend them off.

On Mother’s Day, I woke early to ready for church, and greeted my dad before going to shower. I had started to undress when I started to have a spell, but I had no patience for it. I tried to fight it off, and even sat down on the toilet and put my head between my knees when it proved to be a little stronger than I expected. It was no use, everything went BLACK (instead of white), and I remember thinking “This isn’t right” before fading into the dark.

I had not thoughts, or feelings. I was totally gone and unaware of it until I was walking down a dark, shadowy path cut between two mountains. I could barely make out the foliage of the trees, and was so excited. In fact, my one circular thought was “I am going home! I am FINALLY going home!” I was practically skipping down the path.

Finally, a voice that I can only describe a thunder and a caress said my name, and told me to turn back, it wasn’t my time. I wanted to disobey the voice, I wanted to go home, even though I could hear my parents begging me to wake up. I had no choice, however, and I saw myself so small, all shadow, walking back into the light.

Then I watched as my parents stood over my body, shaking me, and my sisters stood terrified in the bathroom doorway. And then, with a jolt, I was back but it took me a while after to have the strength to open my eyes, or to speak and tell them to stop shaking me. I was rushed to the ER where I learned the other side of it…

My dad had thought I went back to bed when he didn’t hear the water run, so he had gone to check on me, and saw my half on the floor. I was cold, blue, not breathing, had no recognizable pulse or heartbeat. The doctors ran test after test on me, even for cancers, but they found nothing.

Finally I went to a cardiologist who said that my low blood pressure, and my blood sugar and the fact I didn’t drink enough water all combined to make me have these episodes. The day I died, my heart stopped pumping blood because it was “too thick.” He put my on thinners for a while, and ordered me to drink more water. I haven’t had any issues since. 21 months ago