pray more

My God, why has talking with you become so difficult? Why, when years ago it was as natural as breathing? Where has the passion of our conversations gone? Re-spark that part of me, Dad. I miss you, yet it is I that regularly “ignore your calls.” So here I am Lord, picking up the phone and not taking for granted the knowledge that I can do so, that you are with me every second of my life.

You told me to abide in faith, when I felt like I had no faith. I’m not sure what to make of that, but I’m inexpressibly grateful that you responded to my cries, after so long. I am sustained, I will abide patiently. I love you I love you I love you, I feel lost but you love me; what greater guidance could I ask for?

I felt for so long that you were ignoring me, that you had gone from my life, abandoned me to my desolation, the messes I made. It has been the hardest realization, coming to terms with the things I did and the fact that you were there all along, that you were crying angry tears as I screamed my hate and shook my fists. I refused to give my life anymore to you, out of fear; the world broke my trust and I inflicted that upon you; you, letting me turn my back because you love me, so much.

We had our Dark Night of the Soul, God, and I missed you, you know how ferociously I missed you. So now, though you are still so quiet and feel so unnaturally distant, I will remember your words and shout my praises: For men are not cast off by the Lord forever!

21 Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
22 Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”
25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
26 it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
27 It is good for a man to bear the yoke
while he is young.
28 Let him sit alone in silence,
for the LORD has laid it on him.
29 Let him bury his face in the dust—
there may yet be hope.
30 Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him,
and let him be filled with disgrace.
31 For men are not cast off
by the Lord forever.
32 Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
so great is his unfailing love.
33 For he does not willingly bring affliction
or grief to the children of men.

We,re from a traditional family. Prayers and church is part of our spiritual life. But when reaching teenage, I used to pray for some favor.
I want to change and I want to pray to be thankful for what I have, for what I am, pray for whatever you call it (God, Yahvé, Allah, Buddha, your star, your angel, etc.) and say thanks because it is always near me whatever happens. Pray to be better and act better to others.

pray more

Dear God, I am so scared. I’m scared of what’s ahead, or what isn’t ahead. I’m scared of the unknown. In a way I feel guilty for reaching out to Him now, because I’m in need. I feel ashamed, I’m embarrassed to ask for help again- I feel unworthy. Yet I know he loves me unconditionally…

I am being humbled.

I have been doing my morning prayers almost every morning (only missed one I think). And since I’ve been using the new prayerbook, and thinking about each prayer as I say it, and making a decision each time about wether to say it in Hebrew, English, or do one of the interpretive readings … Its going VERY well. I really love doing it. Its a great way to get my mind off my own misery and happy to be alive. I think I’ll leave it on the list another 3 months, before I really consider that its in my life and done.

is a pull in so many different directions. seems like if I’m not being told to thank the Lord, I’m asked to chant. jesus christ, AND I grew up in a All White southern baptist church! and theeen, my Mother’s catholic…???
well, I pray to God.I fall asleep asking him for his guidance.

I’ve worked out that deciding each morning, while I am reading the prayers, whether I want to read in English or Hebrew, or to read an alternative related reading, keeps me present to what I am doing. Since I’ve been doing this, I’ve been loving praying each day very much. It flips my mind out of a place of feeling self centred/sorry for myself and often I have a few tears as I just notice a feeling of love / being loved. Sort of humble and open to the world.

I can tell a difference if we’ve missed an opportunity or two to commune with God. I can tell when it’s lacking, and I can tell when the connection is stronger.

..who is helping me pray a lot more often—for myself, for us as a couple, and morning and night as a family.

much more often, but now its nearly gone, but I know it works. I just need to do it more, I think it could possibly help in my life