control my jealousy

Sometimes my jealousy feels totally uncontrollable and other times I can just breathe and tell myself I’m being silly. I think because all of my previous relationships have ended with them cheating on me, or dumping me for someone else, it’s had an effect on my trust.

I’ve had to watch an ex finish with me and go straight to another girls house, another ex told me he didnt want to be in a relationship but then started dating a friend, then later on i had a brilliant summer with a boy i fell completely head over heels for who said he wasn’t wanting a relationship either but then started dating the same girl as the previous guy did! That had a serious effect on me. I felt completely betrayed and wondered if i could trust anyone else again.

As much as I tell my boyfriend now that I don’t like previous relationships infringing on ours (he’s still good friends with many exes) maybe my bad endings are infringing in the same way.

I totally understand why I might be jealous because my bad relationships have caused me to cut all contact with exes, ive thrown out presents and cards and deleted photos because thats the only way i can move on. So when he still talks to those he used to be with it hurts because i’m always thinking there would have to still be something there to carry on as friends. I believe him when he says theres nothing, and thats all he can do i guess. The thing is, if i knew my ex was in a relationship, i wouldn’t text them saying “remember this, remember that” I’d understand my place! Things like that only make me worse, i can’t stand the thought of him remembering and feeling things about it…I NEED to stop myself from feeling that way.

The beginning of our relationship was great, we were long distance but from the start i knew this was the guy i was supposed to be with. I felt no jealousy. As time has gone on i’ve become more protective of him, and think i’m totally crazy for feeling like that. I never want to feel like i did with those previous bad endings and however many times he can reassure me it wont happen, i still feel bad. Being away from him for 5 days a week is hard, and i miss him so much that when we are together i want to be the only one he spends time with. Being long distance isn’t what i wanted but we’ve had to do it, he’s had female housemates that caused me to feel worse but it’s just the typical male never understanding a girl needs more attention sometimes!

I need to learn to get over my fears and trust when he reassures me. It’s been a long road so far but I really want to get there.

I’ve never had a problem with jealousy in previous relationships. It’s never even been an issue. I have been in relationships in which I have been cheated on because I tend to pick the wrong ladies for me. I would be upset, of course. I think something like that upsets anyone. I just never saw it coming and in retrospect I guess I never really cared that much.

That is why I am puzzled as to why I am now in a relationship with someone I love and feel jealous. It’s stupid. It’s silly. It’s horrible. I know that they would never cheat on me. I know that they love me.

I’m just being infuriating right now and have probably already almost killed the relationship. I just need to stop. Breathe. Realize that I’m being silly. I’m not going to lose something this great because I screw up something this stupid. It’s just not going to happen.

I’m making myself understand that she and I are both two separate people who love each other but still are SEPARATE PEOPLE. We can spend some time with our friends and things of that nature because that’s healthy. We can talk to other people on the phone without meaning anything by it. We are separate people, but we are together. The fact that she is with me and is willing to work through this should tell me all I need to know.

I just wish I didn’t have such a problem with myself lately. I need to accept that I am apparently all right because she is with me for a reason and that she has a life outside of me.

It’s like stating the obvious.

I just need to work so hard at this without going out of my way because that is prone to make things worse. It will be okay, though.

It’s very controllable and I can let her breathe.

so i think i’m having a jealousy problem and its ridiculous. sometimes i get jealous when my boyfriend asks me if he can go hang out with his friends but the pathetic part is, is that he’s not hanging out with his friends all the time. the majority of his time is spent with me. when he asks me, i’ll tell him whatever and get all mad at him but i shouldn’t be getting mad whatsoever. i don’t know. i don’t ask him if i can go hang out with my friends and then he does and for some reason it makes me get all mad and jealous. this jealousy is getting so ridiculous that it’s starting to make me upset because, in my opinion, it makes me look bad and like a b*tch. it’s almost like i’m content on being with him everyday but he doesn’t feel the same way?

This weekend, i went through an old box of b’s pictures from highschool and saw an array of old girlfriends under his shoulders…
and it didn’t bother me.
and now, looking back, i can say that i’m glad i didn’t start an argument over something so stupid.
last night there was a hott little girl on the tv and he looked at her (it was an add for a singles hotline) and he said to me “i’m so glad for the girl i’ve got.”
and that was the payoff, right there :)

Jealousy ruined a perfectly good night last night
and my morning this morning.
sweetheart and i were having a great time…put in a movie that started out with a stripper dancing. my boyfriend started making little comments, and I got up and went to bed.
in the middle of the night, i realized he never came to sleep with me. he was out on the couch.
and in the morning, he was so upset because i really hurt his feelings by leaving him last night.
sometimes my jealously can be so outrageous.

it is great not being jealousy anymore. it hits me sometimes but then i remind myself that everyone has envy and you just have to be happy with what you have

I think I’m losing my mind and my husband can’t disagree more. I’m 24 weeks pregnant with our second child and it seems that whenever I’m pregnant I develop this unbelievable jealousy that rages like madness but for some stupid reason, it’s always about his ex-lovers. Our son is only 11 months old now so you can imagine it feels like this is all non-stop.

I’m married to a saint because he is so patient with me. I can’t help it though. I lash out at him and become quite hostile when I think about the past that has nothing to do me. He keeps saying, “What does it matter if it all happened before I even met you?” We get into an argument and then we make up but it inevitably happens again, sometimes the next day.

In my defense, I know of one girl that he slept with even after he met me but he thought I would never go out with him, let alone marry him. He told me that she was being very aggressive with him and he didn’t think he had anything to lose. He thought I was way out of his league so he met this girl at a party and went home with her and then went out with her again the very next day, went to a movie…blah, blah, blah..and the rest of the story you can guess.

I finally fessed up and told him that I had feelings for him and he was floored. We’ve never been apart since, that was almost 6 years ago. We’ve been married for almost 4 years. He told me that when he was with her, he couldn’t stop thinking of me every second he was with her, and I mean EVERY second. Apparently, she is the complete opposite of me. First of all she’s blond and fair and I have long black hair and Cafe au Lait skin.

Anyway, long way back to my point. I wish I could stop thinking of him with these other girls. I know he’d never cheat on me and he’d never jeopardize our family and our marriage, so why do I keep dwelling obsessing about women I don’t even know, hell, I don’t even know what they look like! I met one girl once but she was a total b*tch to me. So, that should tell me something right? What I don’t know.

Sorry for such a long post. I just don’t know how to make my jealousy stop. Some days are better than others though…

I know he would never ever cheat. And still, I get anxiety and I question him and I act like a crazy girl. I am not crazy. I need to learn to bite my tounge and control my irrational jealousy!

My partner came home from work to let someone in to do a free window clean as I would be out when they arrived – we were told it would be a man who would come to the house and that there would be no selling involved – it was a trial. When I arrived home, to my dismay, my partner was there standing looking down and talking to a pretty young girl doing a demo and trying to sell us a window cleaning product. Fine you say, not too harmless. But she was wearing a low cut top (with ample bosom) and a top that just showed her piered belly button – he was standing where he could see everything – and I went completely nuts. My partner already has a roving eye so Im sure he was delighted when he had the chance to perv over her tits. At the moment my partner and I cannot have a sexual relationship and havent been able to do so for months because of ill health and because of this I know my jealousy has got worse and worse. It wasnt his fault this happened, I invited them round but he’s stormed off and not talking to me as I literally told her to leave and made a complete fool of myself. Please let me know if you think Im crazy – I do feel my outburst was irrational but I cant help feeling this way, Ive always had problems with jealousy, ive always wanted all the attention and I dont know what to do. I thought I was improving until that happened.

I have the same problem….....driving me nuts!

I got on here because I am also dealing with an incredible jealousy/mistrust issue. My husband accidentally told me he “sort of” got engaged once to his secretary. Then, he asked me to be his secretary for the exact same company without telling me about his past with her. 4 yrs. of lying about her…first they weren’t really engaged, then they were, then he’d say dumb things about using a condom though, even though I had never even asked about such a thing.
I have come to the point where I am so jealous of all the wild sex they had, of the sweetness she felt as the object of his desire at work and always wondering if the lies are due to him still carrying a torch for her. Not to mention that while I worked for him he didn’t treat me very lovingly at all. He says he’s just embarrassed that she was a rebound and that’s why the lies. Any ideas?