overcome jealousy

but is mostly gone. And is usually easily quenched when it does arise. I think part of this stems from the fact that most of my jealousy was between my boyfriend and me, and now that we’re living closer together, there’s less of that…

making my life what I want it to be. Changing myself to be the person I want to be. If I’m happy with myself and my life (no regrets), then why would jealousy take over? I don’t think it would.

I hate thinking about this goal. I just don’t want to obsess over not being jealous. Yes, I have my moments. Yes, I think they’re fewer and further between. I know I’m loved. I know I have a great life and I have a great boyfriend. In fact, he just sent me a text to say he loves me. Out of the blue. Best boyfriend ever. I should not be jealous of his past, I should not be jealous when he wants or needs to spend a bit of time apart from me. I still am, but I’m learning. But I want this goal to go away. I don’t want to see it anymore.

I looked at her Facebook profile. One of the girls my boyfriend slept with before we met. The girl who I went to college with and was an acquaintance for a couple of years. I HATE the thought of them together. I know he hooked up with her twice, long before we were together, so I know it shouldn’t bother me. He’s told me a million times before how if he knew he would’ve met me, he never would’ve done anything with anyone in the past. He would’ve waited. He wished he could’ve given me that gift, as I gave it to him. I believe him – I hear the pain in his voice whenever it’s brought up in conversation. I know he loves me, and that the past is the past and nothing more. But I’m always so inclined to share these insecure thoughts with him so he can reassure me. Which is wrong for two reasons – 1, he’s told me plenty of times that those past girls meant nothing, and 2, doing so is, in a way, intentionally hurting him. It’s my comfort at his expense – for something he shouldn’t feel guilty about.

Wow, logically writing this out has made me feel better. I shouldn’t feel jealous and I know that. Rather than have him reassure me, a genuinely good conversation with him would do the trick… for both of us. We’ve had lots of those lately, and it feels amazing. I just need to keep focusing on the good… it’s the best for everyone!

I’m afraid to call this good, yet I feel like the jealousy has melted away.

I’m thankful for what I have. I know that he chose me over any other girl in his life because he sees something special in me. In fact, he continues to say that he knew I was “the one” (well, not in such cheesy terms) since we met… and though tough times have made him question whether or not we were going to work out, he still knows that we’ll always be together. Fuck, that’s amazing!

Anyway, maybe it’s because I know that once we’re together again he’s going to want me by his side… that this will be unlike anything we’ve ever experienced before. Maybe, subconsciously that’s why this is easier.

But all I know is that it feels great to not get worked up about things that shouldn’t work me up – that I really have nothing to be jealous of, because I have an amazing life with amazing people right in front of me. It feels great to allow him to tell me stories without me freezing up and getting upset because of one little detail that sparked some jealousy. That’s amazing.

I’m on a bit of a high on life right now… no room for jealousy there!

and I didn’t get jealous or upset or anything! Even though this girl was very obviously hitting on him. I was shocked and proud of myself, for sure. I actually laughed at his story. Yay… huge accomplishment!

but it didn’t last for long, and it made both my boyfriend and I realize that these moments have been happening less often. Not good enough, but better.

but they’re much less frequent and much less intense. I feel that I’m becoming a more reasonable person and able to deal with real life with greater ease.

I’m not even close to considering this done. This is going to be a battle for awhile… I’m just glad that I’m on the winning side right now.

and I’ve found that it makes me so much more content, not to mention that it’s got the potential to make things better with my boyfriend. It’s going to be a process, but I think I’ll just know when this one is accomplished. That’ll be a good day :-)

I’ve come to realize I’m a jealous person. I don’t like admitting that and I don’t like that it is true about me. I have no idea why I am a jealous person but it seems I am. No idea how to get rid of it either.