I think I need to start taking my SNRIs again. I was okay for awhile, so I went off of them a few months, but things took a dive with my love life and I’m back in the hole. Having a really hard time getting over this last one.
Will refill sometime this week. I hate this. 2 months ago
I have lost any sense of the future yet being out of work means I am closer to achieving goals than I was when I was working and without having any time to myself. I’ve done more than ever in the past year. I’m worried about having to go back to finding work though as I have nothing to account for the past year. I haven’t been claiming any benefit (live with my folks) and only spending on food so I haven’t been pushed to work. This was not the exciting life I thought it would be out of work though. At the same time, work was killing me. Maybe I will find my way. The worst thing is that I have become very nervous of people and feel very judged. I think watching very judg-y TV shows probably creates this anxiety. I just don’t like myself very much when I am with people. I am 1/10th of my real self – super polite and submissive when that’s not me. I resent it. I am just not enjoying life at the minute. I wish I could find even a small joy. Everything feels like hard work. 2 months ago
I’ve been tracking my moods since before I got back on antidepressants. At first I thought it may have been a “pink cloud” situation, but it’s been six weeks now and it seems like my outlook is consistently better. It’s nice to be able to move on with my life after being stuck in that hole for so long. Years, even.
This has also allowed me to move on from the rejection I’ve experienced this year. That is really a giant weight off my shoulders. 5 months ago
Back on meds, after a long, long hiatus. It’s time. 6 months ago
Not feeling so great. Irritable. Didn’t sleep well. Disorganized. Vulnerable. Controlling. 6 months ago
Slept ok last night, had crazy dreams. Not especially organized or not. Lethargic and just doing whatever, but with moderately high motivation. Low to moderate sociability. No significant irritability. Got some exercise. Personalized some comments. Grandiose religiosity maybe. Ate OK, diet was a B minus with all the snacking and skipping lunch. 6 months ago
-sleep quality, excess?
-organization, self-care, home-care
-risk taking, spending habits, dependency, computer use, video games, looking for an easy out,
-motivation, concentration, on-task,
-exercise, lack luster
-grandiosity, zelot, doom-gloom
-irritability/tolerance, temper, aggression
-diet, appetite 7 months ago
Stayed active. Did some work out yoga stuff, and ran around the block a few times. Work went well, tried to focus only on the positive. Didn’t really talk to anyone outside of work. Did a fair bit of reading. Proud of myself. Feeling progress. 7 months ago
Feelings of depression were down, but behaviors were moderate. The day was slow in getting it together. Tried a few maladaptive strategies for getting my day started. Did not manage my time well. Used computer poorly. Still got everything done. Got to work just on time. Had to sacrifice coffee. Had a good phone call at a bad time. Got copies made. Took accountability for the schedule mix up. Moderate attention in meetings. No depressive feelings. Ate OK. Stayed on track. Moderate avoidance and procrastination. Still finished. 7 months ago
heres how to beat it: eat ur fav food, run around ur neighborhood 15 times, do whatever the bleep makes u happy, watch the tellatubbys while eating caffinated pistachio pixy stix flavored ice-cream, then drink 1 cup of mint tea filled with sugar, buy a thousand lil puppys, last but not least, do it all over again. this the best pic i can find to describe this… ps im not tryin cause im 10 7 months ago
Mainly was reacting to stress coming from family. Tried to steer conversations between family members to avoid friction. Wanting to believe so much that thing will change, when they never will. And yet, knowing that my investment in believing sustains me, and others. Exhausted, didn’t get enough sleep last night, but slept well. Doubting myself and my intuition about big decisions. Trying hard to trust myself and not deceive myself, not to cheat myself of love. 7 months ago
I struggled with mind reading co-workers and trying to accomodate their standards. Indeed some of my coworkers are so awesome that I feel so inadequate in their shadow and believe I can do nothing right.
I struggled with not being in control and upsetting others. Social paranoia is definitely up.
I spent my extra time posting pointless crap to FB and Pinterest.
I did get my paperwork done.
I was looking for lots of affirmation and reassurance from coworkers.
I was very helpful to clients however. 7 months ago
I have suffered from depression since puberty. Never quite came out of it since. Things got worse and worse and the thing I missed the most till recently was my determination to go on despite all odds. That zest to live and enjoy myself despite how bad things were. I no longer enjoyed doing anything and had given up and let life go where ever it flowed.
I have studied alternative medicine but introspection is the hardest thing to do sometimes because its always biased. I started applying the principles of holistic medicine and treated myself like I used to treat other people suffering from depression. My whole problem was, I was in denial. Helping others gave me a sense of purpose and joy and I would forget my own troubles.
Now that I’m over that phase, I want to reach out to others and help them again. In holistic medicine, there are no one medicine cures all, it varies from person to person and their circumstances and how they cope with them.
My depression had led me to addictions which went away when the depression subsided. Anyone who needs help, feel free to let me know, would love to assist in any way I can. 11 months ago