rediscover myself

Since having my daughter 10 months ago my life has changed so much for the better. She is amazing and has taught me so much already. Somehow though I’ve completely lost my sense of self since becoming a mother. I don’t know what I enjoy, I don’t take the time to do things for myself or by myself and I struggle with feeling selfish for even thinking about doing any of those things. I feel like my marriage has suffered a bit from this and I think my husband is in the same boat as me. On top of all of this, we moved out of state when my daughter was only 4 months old and we have no family and few friends where we’ve moved to. Life has certainly changed for us but that doesn’t mean we can’t recreate it to be whatever we want for ourselves now. I think we just need to take the time to rediscover what our interests are now.

This is the goal that probably has me more frustrated. I feel like I have become this wonderful mother to my kids, but that is it. I want to feel more me! Do the things I love, discover some new things, have some time to myself and with my husband. Feels like I´m losing my essence. It´s hard to do it because of time.

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I want to be stronger. I am a bit too quiet and my boss tends to chew me up and spit me out. My coworkers get it from her, but when I do I find it hard to let it go. I have to tap into my inner self and find out why I let her get to me…Life is too short to let negative people have a significant impact on the inner psyche…

I was heavily into photography when I was in college, and I miss it. I want to save up to get a digital SLR camera and tap into my creative side. I don’t want to do this, I need to. I remember how I felt when I got lost into transforming my thoughts into photographs.

the soul searching, ensuing distress when I realized I wasn’t me, and the long trip back to the Angela that I once knew and loved. I am accomplishing the things that I set out long ago to achieve, and the first step… well, was to find the courage to actually take the first step, and let the chips fall where they may. I have come to the realization that at the end of the day, the only thing that is truly constant in my life, is me.

in her song, “Gotta Go, Gotta Leave”. I never knew I could be so mean. I feel as if I’ve given so much of myself, that there really is nothing left. I find it particularly funny that now that I’ve been given the proverbial “green light” to go back to school, it’s as if I’ve taken that drive and determination that I used to have, wrapped it up in a box, and stuck it on the shelf, and now I can’t seem to find it. I’m stuck in neutral, and it’s causing problems, I know it, because I’m sick of looking back and I’m afraid to move forward. Something’s gotta give, and soon.

It’s a sad thing, that most venture through life without truly discovering the true person within who lies dormant and in darkness waiting. It is my belief that the true self is the collection of many selves discovered.

I recently had someone ask me, “What happened to the person I used to know?” My immediate response was, “She died; just the same as this self will die.”

...Well… It’s time for “this” self to say goodbye. I’m on the journey to REDISCOVER MYSELF. Who’s with me?!?

I do believe that it is safe to mark this as done. And man that feels amazing.

reinventing the wheel. This is about reminding myself of just how (ahem) great I am. When I look around, I feel a little diminished, and I used to pride myself in being me. I’d always been accused of having “too high standards”. HA! Not lately. So I’m taking some steps to do the things I used to love to do. I can’t go back to college right now, as that has to be a joint decision, or it won’t work (I’ve tried it the other way, and caught hell). I went online to try to find a local book club, and for all the nice used book stores locally, the only book club I could find in Valdosta was at the library, and they’re all (no offense) “older” women. I need to re-connect with some of my old girlfriends, and make some new ones. I tried to find a sushi restaurant, and it appears the only place to get sushi here is at Publix (uh, no thanks!). I need to get back to myself, and the only way to do that, is to do it. We went to the movies last night and saw “The Bucket List” and last night, I started to make my own Bucket List, and hubby started laughing because I’m only 30, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t things that I want to do!

I bought a house in June. Since then I have had no social life. Okay, before then it wasn’t so great. I always had to drag my friends out. So many weekends I did nothing at all. Now the house is pretty much settled, and I am on a strict budget. I still have to get out and meet people. I also need to find new friends, and when I do, I really feel I will rediscover myself. For the longest time I just waited for my friends to want to do this our that. When I came up with something they often suggested something else when they would have just been doing nada, nothing. So now I have to step out of the box I put myself in. If I don’t years go by with nothingness in my life, when I could have been doing interesting things with new people and most of all a new me. The old me isn’t so bad, but she needs to get out and enjoy what life has to offer.