find my voice

I write here often because it’s easier and safer than saying those things to the person involved. Generally, there are no negative attacks when you bare your soul here. No one rejects you for saying it. So some times I use this as an outlet to record what would otherwise go unsaid, until I find voice to say it.

I’m struggling to find my voice right now. As you run down my list of things, you can see it: Write a really good story, be happy, find my purpose in life, be a better friend, make a difference. (You can even see it in my screen name…) I have held back from this before because I considered my life experiences so meger that I had nothing to say. Now, as my life changes and grows, I find encouragement and therefore, courage. I still don’t knwo what I want to say. I’m a perfectionist, so I want to say it correctly and beautifully the first time. Very unrealistic. It takes more bravery to just say it, than to perfect it before sharing. I hope I have the courage.

So, I’m trying to write. i think I have what it takes because all these ideas keep filling my mind the problem is that I dont think that these ideas are ‘me’, but I dont know what that is yet. I’m to nervous or emberaced (the word) to figure out what it is really. SO yeah, I need to find my voice….my voice, not what others think I might fit better sounding like.

this falls under the heading “Be Courageous” and I need room!

As one piece of this development, I’m experimenting with a blog. I’m writing about ponderings that occupy my thoughts, and hoping to hear the perspectives of others so that my thinking does not develop in isolation.

It’s truly unbelievable the times when it’s failed me _{Athens anyone?}. I just stand there slackjawed and frozen to the spot, partly fear and partly just really uncertain how to handle the situation. Always wishing afterwards I had said something, spoken up for myself or someone else.

Joining 43 things is a start to finding my voice, opening up about who I am and what Ive been through and where I plan to go. Im enjoying being open and honest about the past so I can let it go and move into the future.

... you cannot actually be whatever you want. You can only be who you really are, and only you can give yourself permission to express it.

Sonia Choquette, Your Heart’s Desire

when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

Anais Nin

I want to start a blog with a decent audience base. I have a lot of blogs, and a lot to write about, but I just have to pick a consistent topic and work on getting readers.