Reconcile myself to Christmas

What’s the point. The same things happens every year, the same cheesy carols, the same decorations, and the same “my religion is better than your religion” blathering. Why can’t people, you know, celebrate the holidays in their own way and not turn it into the Holy Turf Wars.

I’ll look forward to getting together with more of my non-Jewish relatives later this week. I appreciate the opportunity to connect with family and exchange gifts.

But I hate this time of year. Making a conscious effort to feel better about it only dredged up further feelings of inner conflict.

Next year, I’m going to see if we can’t be some place totally different. I think that’ll help.

See my new entry under the new goal, “Go to Costa Rica”.

Have you ever wondered what Xmas would be like if it were a Jewish holiday?
. . . .

—-—-——
: LAWS OF XMAS :
—-—-——

I. PREPARING FOR XMAS

1. PREPARATIONS FOR XMAS MUST NOTBEGINBEFORE THANKSGIVING.(2) THIS APPLIES TO PREPARATIONS WHICH AFFECT THE HOLIDAY MOOD,(3) BUT NOT THOSE WHICH ARE DONE IN PRIVATE.(4)
(1) This contrasts sharply with Shabbat, for the mitzva of honoring Shabbat applies all week long. For example, if one finds a particularly good food during the week, one should save it for Shabbat even though it is now only Sunday and Shabbat is a week away. However, Xmas preparations may not begin too far in advance, in order to fulfill the dictum, “It’s beginning to Look a lot like Xmas.”
(2) This is because of the principle that two festive occasions should not be mixed into each other. Note the decree of the great R.H. Macy, who established that Santa Claus may not appear in the Thanksgiving Day parade until after all the other floats have passed.
(3) Such as setting up the Xmas tree (some say even buying one,) or playing Holiday music on the Muzak.
(4) Such as buying gifts or buying the Xmas dinner turkey. Cooking the turkey may not be done before Thanksgiving because it will appear to be a Thanksgiving turkey.
2. SOME HOLD THAT THE TREE SHOULD BE DECORATED IMMEDIATELY AFTER THANKSGIVING,(5) BUT OTHERS PREFER TO DECORATE IT AS CLOSE TO XMAS AS POSSIBLE.(6)
(5) For the mitzva of “adding to the yom tov” by beginning the Xmas season early.
(6) As it is said, “Do not put off for tomorrow, that which can be put off for the day after tomorrow.”

II. THE TREE

1. ANY SPECIES OF TREE IS KOSHER FOR USE AS A XMAS TREE, PROVIDED THAT IT HAS NEEDLES AND NOT LEAVES. IN OUR LANDS IT IS CUSTOMARY TO USE A FIR TREE.(7) IT SHOULD BE REASONABLY FRESH, BUT NOT TOO FRESH, IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE PRINCIPLE “A XMAS TREE WITH NO FALLEN NEEDLES IS LIKE A SUKKAH WITH NO BUZZING BEES.”
(7) If the lady of the house already has a fur, then any evergreen may be used.
2. THE TREE SHOULD BE CHOPPED DOWN SPECIFICALLY FOR USE AS A XMAS TREE; IF IT HAD BEEN CUT FOR LUMBER IT IS INVALID. IF THE TREE WAS CUT FOR GENERAL DECORATIVE PURPOSES, BUT NOT SPECIFICALLY AS A XMAS TREE, SOME AUTHORITIES ALLOW IT WHILE OTHERS ARE STRICT. A STOLEN TREE IS NOT VALID FOR THE MITZVAH.(8) FORTUNATE IS ONE WHO IS ABLE TO CHOP HIS OWN TREE HIMSELF.(9)
(8) One who cuts his own tree must make sure that he has permission from the landowner to do so. Ideally, cut only from one’s own backyard. A tree taken from a reshut harabim, such as the county park (which is actually a carmelit, not a reshut harabim,) is considered as stolen and pasul.
(9) One who is unable to cut his own tree should make sure to purchase it from a reputable dealer, or one who is certified by a national kashrut organization.
3. DURING THE SHMITTA YEAR, A JEW MAY NOT CUT THE TREE DOWN, BUT IT SHOULD BE DONE BY A GENTILE. HOWEVER, SINCE THE TREE IS INEDIBLE, THE PROBLEMS OF “KEDUSHAS SHVIIS” WHICH APPLY TO THE ESROG DO NOT APPLY TO THE XMAS TREE.
4. THE TREE MUST BE BRIGHT GREEN. BRIGHT RED, OR A MIXTURE OF GREEN AND RED, IS ALSO ACCEPTABLE FOR A XMASTREE, BUT BROWN IS NOT. THERE MAY BE ONE BROWN SPOT NEAR THE BOTTOM OF THE TREE,(11) BUT IN THE TOP HALF OF THE TREE, EVEN ONE BROWN SPOT WILL PASSUL THE TREE. A TRULY PIOUS PERSON WILL MAKE SURE TO BRING ALONG A XMAS TREE EXPERT WHEN HE GOES TO LOOK FOR HISTREE.(12)
(10) Because such trees do not grow red naturally, many Sefaradim adorn the tree with red poinsettia flowers.
(11) Or even two, provided they are on opposite sides so they cannot be both seen at the same time.
(12) But it is more macho to pretend to be an expert and pick the tree out himself.
5. THE REQUIRED HEIGHT OF THE TREE IS SUBJECT TO MANY RULES. AN INDOOR TREE MUST BE TALL ENOUGH SO THAT IT REACHES WITHIN 3 TEFACHIM OF THE CEILING.(13) AN OUTDOOR TREE MUST BE AT LEAST 20 AMOS TALL.
(13) Where local fire codes prohibit the use of such large trees, a smaller tree – even a bonsai – may be used, provided it has toy people around it who will make it appear tall.
6. THE LAW IS “ETZ ISH U’BEITO” – ONE TREE FOR A MAN AND HIS HOME. THIS TEACHES THAT INDIVIDUALS MUST HAVE A XMAS TREE AT THEIR HOME, AND THAT THE MAIN FUNCTION OF THE TREE IS FOR THE BENEFIT OF THE FAMILY, BUT PUBLIC PLACES ARE EXEMPT. IF ONE WISHES TO PLACE HIS PERSONAL TREE IN A PUBLIC LOCATION HE MAY DO SO, BUT HE WILL NOT HAVE FULFILLED HIS OBLIGATION UNLESS IT IS TRULY SEEN BY THE PUBLIC. IN THIS CASE, “SEEN BY THE PUBLIC” MEANS THAT THE TREE IS LARGE ENOUGH THAT IT IS SHOWN ON THE LOCAL TV NEWS REPORTS.(14)
(14) This is the origin of the custom of the great tree in Rockefeller Center, where a shaliach from Lubavitch lights the tree just before sunset on Erev Xmas, and is then returned to Crown Heights by an NYPD helicopter in time for the dinner meal.
7. IN RECENT YEARS, THERE HAS BEEN A GREAT CONTROVERSY OVER THE USE OF MANUFACTURED TREES. L’HALACHA, SOME HOLD THEY ARE PASUL,(15) WHILE OTHER AUTHORITIES HOLD THEY ARE VALID.(16) L’MAASEH, HOWEVER, EVEN THE LENIENT OPINIONS HOLD THAT ARTIFICIAL TREES ARE TOO TACKY, AND THUS VIOLATE THE PRINCIPLE OF “HADAR”. BUT IF ONE HAS ALREADY MET HIS OBLIGATION BY DISPLAYING AT LEAST ONE KOSHER XMAS TREE, HE MAY HAVE ADDITIONAL TREES OF ANY KIND, NATURAL OR NOT.(17)
(15) Based on the pasuk “Etz chayim hee” (“A tree is alive”), teaching that even if it looks like a tree, it still cannot be a tree unless it was alive at some point.
(16) Based on the pasuk “Etz chayim hee” (“It is a tree of life”), teaching that some trees have life, and others do not necessarily have life.
(17) Similarly, manufactured trees are acceptable in malls, offices, and other exempt public places.
8. ORIGINALLY, THE LAW WAS THAT THE TREE MUST BE DISPLAYED SO THAT IT WOULD BE VISIBLE TO PASSERS-BY OUTSIDE THE HOME. OVER THE CENTURIES, AS PERSECUTIONS INCREASED, THE PEOPLE INSIDE THE HOME BECAME THE MAIN AUDIENCE. EVEN SO, IT SHOULD BE DISPLAYED IN A PROMINENT AREA OF THE HOUSE, TO SHOW RESPECT FOR THIS MITZVAH. WHEN POSSIBLE, IT SHOULD PREFERABLY BE BY A WINDOW WHERE IT COULD BE VIEWED FROM THE STREET, TO CONTINUE THE ORIGINAL PRACTICE.

III. DECORATING THE TREE

1. AS WITH ALL MITZVOS, THE TREE SHOULD BETASTEFULLYDECORATED. POPCORN TASTES EXCELLENT, AND SOME STRING POPCORN TOGETHER (WITH NEEDLE AND THREAD)(19) TO MAKE LONG CHAINS WHICH ARE WRAPPED AROUND THE TREE.
(18) In order to keep children actively interested and participating in all the goings-on, “tasteful” is defined by the youngest person in the household. This generally results in displaying all sorts of holiday projects in school, no matter how tacky or amateurishly done, giving great prominence to “artwork” which is normally allowed nowhere but the
refrigerator door.
(19) To remind us of the pasuk, “We’re all connected.” (Nynex)
2. THERE ARE MANY DIFFERENT MINHAGIM REGARDING THE DECORATIONS. THE MORE DECORATED THE TREE, THE BETTER. ONE MUST BE CAREFUL TO MAKE SURE THE DECORATIONS ARE PUT ON SYMMETRICALLY.(20)
(20) This is derived from the law that one’s head tefillin must be in the exact middle of one’s head, and the similarity of the words “tefillin” and “tree fallen”.
3. TREE DECORATIONS ARE CONSIDERED “MUKTZA L’MITZVASA”, “SET ASIDE FOR ITS MITZVA”, AND MAY NOT BE USED FOR ANY PERSONAL USE UNTIL AFTER XMAS IS OVER.(21) FOR EXAMPLE, EDIBLE DECORATIONS MAY NOT BE EATEN UNTIL AFTER XMAS. SIMILARLY, SINCE THEY MAY NOT BE USED FOR PERSONAL USE, ANY DECORATIONS WHICH FALL FROM THE TREE ON SHABBAT OR ON YOM TOV MAY NOT BEREPLACEDUNTIL AFTER SHABBAT OR YOM TOV.
(21) See Siman 9 below for opinions regarding when Xmas actually ends.
(22) Or even handled.

IV. GIFTS

1. ONE IS OBLIGATED TO BUY PRESENTS, REGARDLESS OF HIS INCOME LEVEL, FOR EVERY PERSON THAT HE HAS EVER SPOKEN TO IN HIS ENTIRE LIFE AND THEIR IMMEDIATE FAMILY MEMBERS. ONE MAY GO INTO SERIOUS DEBT IN ORDER TO CARRY OUT THIS MITZVAH. PRESENTS MAY BE EXCHANGED AT ANY CONVENIENT TIME DURING DECEMBER UP UNTIL THE 25TH.
2. REGARDING A CHILD WHOSE BIRTHDAY OCCURS ON OR AROUND XMAS, SOME SAY TO GIVE HIM A DOUBLE PORTION OF GIFTS,(23) AND OTHERS SAY TO GIVE HIM A SINGLE PORTION.(24) SOME RESOLVE THIS BY GETTING HIM A NORMAL NUMBER OF GIFTS, BUT THEY WOULD BE DOUBLE IN SIZE OR VALUE.(25)
(23) Which may cause others to feel cheated.
(24) Which will surely cause him to feel cheated.
(25) Another idea has been to celebrate “Xmas in August”. See Rabbi Edward’s opinion below, in section 9:2.

V. THE OFFICE PARTY

1. “WHEN DECEMBER ARRIVES, OFFICE PRODUCTIVITY DECREASES”.(26) BEGINNING AT 9:00 AM ON THE MONDAY PRIOR TO XMAS, ALL REAL OFFICE WORK STOPS.(27) IN ORDER TO MAINTAIN THE ILLUSION OF DOING REAL WORK, EMPLOYEES BUSY THEMSELVES WITH TASKS SUCH AS THE COMPANY NEWSLETTER, OR PLANNING THE OFFICE “HOLIDAY PARTY”.
(26) As it is said, “It’s a slow time of year.”
(27) When that Monday is Erev Xmas itself, this work stoppage is moved up to the preceding Monday.
2. IT IS A REQUIREMENT THAT ALL COMPANIES CONDUCT AN ANNUAL “HOLIDAY PARTY” EACH YEAR. THIS HAD BEEN CALLED A “XMAS PARTY” UNTIL 1972, WHEN THE SUPREME COURT RULED IT TO BE A DISCRIMINATORY NAME. THE TERM “HOLIDAY PARTY” WAS ENACTED IN ORDER TO MAKE NATIVE AMERICANS, ASIANS, ANDMUSLIMSALLFEEL EQUALLY UN-AMERICAN.
(27a) When Ramadan is not in December.
3. THE “HOLIDAY PARTY”, IN ORDER TO BE DONE PROPERLY, REQUIRES A GREAT DEALOF RITUAL DRINKING AND DEBAUCHERY. “AD’LOYADA” – ONE MUST DRINK AND CONTINUE DRINKING UP TO(28) THE POINT HE CANNOT TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HIS FAT DUMPY WIFE AND HIS GORGEOUS 22 YEAR-OLD BLONDE SECRETARY.(29)
(28) In this case, “up to” means “ad v’lo ad b’clal” – “up to but NOT including” the point when he cannot tell the difference. Once one has reached this point he is excused from further drinking. See next note for more details.
(29) The example above presumes that he is a male, and his secretary is a female. However, if his secretary is male, and he has reached the point where he cannot tell the difference between his fat dumpy wife and his handsome 22 year-old blond male secretary, then he is forbidden to drink any more alcohol until Purim.
4. ALL BANKS AND OFFICES MUST CLOSE ATNOONON THE 24TH OF DECEMBER SO THAT EVERYONE MAY BE ABLE TO GET HOME IN TIME TO TAKE CARE OF THE LAST MINUTE PREPARATIONS.
(30) Retail establishments remain open until 4 PM on Erev Xmas, and Toys ‘R’ Us until midnight. Denny’s never closes.

VI. THE FESTIVE MEAL

1. AFTER TZEIT HAKOCHAVIM, THE FAMILY GATHERS TOGETHER FOR THE EREV XMAS MEAL. THERE ARE VARIOUS OPINIONS AS TO WHAT IS TO BE EATEN AT THIS MEAL. ONLY FISH IS TO BE EATEN AT THE EREV XMAS MEAL.(31) ITALIANS HAVE THE MINHAG OF EATING 12FISHESAT THIS MEAL CORRESPONDING TO THE 12 DAYS OF XMAS.
(31) When Erev Xmas is on Friday, and the seudah coincides with the first Shabbat meal, only gefilte fish may be used.
(32) Even on Shabbat, one can easily reach 12 different kinds of gefilte fish: Rabbi Yosi haglili said, How can we show that four different fishes can make twelve different dishes? Because we ate four different fishes in Egypt, (whitefish, pike, carp, and whitefish-pike,) but we are now able to buy them three different ways. We can buy them ready-to-eat in jars, frozen in loaves, or ground raw at the fish store. Now, it follows that if there were four different species, then there are 12 different gefilte fishes.
Rabbi Eliezer said, How can we show that each of the twelve fishes is actually eight dishes? Because they can be made with or without salt, with or without sugar, and with or without matzo meal, and there are eight combinations of those three options. Thus, if there are twelve fishes that can be prepared eight ways, then there are a total of 96 dishes! Rabbi Akiva said, How can we show that each of the twelve fishes is actually sixteen dishes? Because each of Rabbi Eliezer’s eight recipes can be made either cooked or baked. Thus, if there are twelve fishes that can be prepared sixteen ways, then there are a total of 192 dishes!
2. ONCE THE MEAL IS COMPLETE, THE FAMILY GATHERS IN THE ROOM WITH THE TREE WHERE THEY SING ZEMIROT AND DRINK EGGNOG.(33) AT MIDNIGHT THE FAMILY HEADS TO SHUL FOR TIKKUN CHATZOT. SOME OPINIONS SAY THAT TIKKUN CHATZOT CAN BE SAID AS EARLY AS 8:00 PM,(34) BUT IT IS GOOD TO BE STRINGENT ON ONESELF.
(33) Eggnog being a milchig drink, some hold that this is the real reason for eating fish instead of meat.
(34) So that the children will be awake.

VII. SANTA CLAUS

1. FOR MANY YEARS, THE EXISTENCE OF SANTA CLAUS WAS A SUBJECT OF INTENSE MACHLOKET IN THE ADULT COMMUNITY. IN 1897, A TEAM OF INVESTIGATIVE REPORTERS WAS COMMISSIONED BY ONE VIRGINIA O’HANLON TO RESOLVE THE QUESTION. THEIR FINDINGS, CONCLUDED “YES, VIRGINIA, THERE IS A SANTA CLAUS.”(35) THIS WAS REAFFIRMED SEVERAL DECADES LATER IN A COURT CASE BROUGHT IN NEW YORK COUNTY SUPREME COURT.(36)
(35) New York Sun, September 21, 1897
(36) Testimony from the United States Post Office proved to be crucial in Deciding this case, as documented in Miracle_on_34th_Street, 1947.
2. IT IS ABSOLUTELY FORBIDDEN TO LIGHT ANY KIND OF FIRE IN THE FIREPLACE ON THIS EVENING.(37) THOSE WHO WANT TO ROAST CHEST-NUTS ON AN OPEN FIRE SHOULD USE A BARBECUE.
(37) DUH! (But see also below, note 39)
3. TO DEMONSTRATE OURFAITHIN SANTA, EACH YEAR WE LEAVE HIM A PLATE OF DONUTS OR COOKIES ON A TABLE NEAR THE TREE, WITH A GLASS OF MILK TO DRINK. SOON AFTER THIS PRACTICE BEGAN, CHILDREN BEGAN TO QUESTION WHY THE MILK WAS STILL ON THE TABLE THE FOLLOWING MORNING, SO THEIR PARENTS ADOPTED THE MINHAG OF DRINKING THE MILK AFTER THE CHILDREN WENT TO BED.
HOWEVER, JUST THREE YEARS AGO,(39) WHILE DELIVERING HIS GIFTS, SANTA ACCIDENTALLY REVEALED TO A YOUNG GIRL THAT HE SUFFERED FROM LACTOSE INTOLERANCE, AND THAT THIS IS WHY THE MILK HAD BEEN LEFT UNDRUNK ALL THOSE YEARS. THE FOLLOWING YEAR, SHE LEFT HIM A GLASS OF PAREVE SOYBEAN “MILK”, AND THIS PRACTICE HAS SPREAD FAR AND WIDE SINCE THEN. (IN COMMUNITIES WHICHACCEPT THE USE OF GOVERNMENT SUPERVISED MILK IN LIEU OF RABBINIC CHALAV YISRAEL, LACTAID MILK IS USED INSTEAD.)
(38) “I believe with complete faith that he knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake.” Ani Maamin #11, daily siddur.
(39) The_Santa_Clause, by Tim Allen, produced by Walter Disney, 1994. This film also showed Santa’s new fire-resistant suit which was developed just that year. Nevertheless, the principle is that a protective measure is not abandoned even if the reason no longer exists, and so the ban on lighting fireplace fires remains in full force.

VIII. OTHER MINHAGIM

1. ONE IS TO RISE EARLY ON THE MORNING OF THE 25TH IN ORDER TO OPEN THE PRESENTS. THERE IS A SEUDAT MITZVAH WHICH MUST BE COMPLETED BEFORE SHKIA.
2. MEAT AND WINE MUST BE SERVED AT THIS MEAL. LOTS ARE DRAWN TO CHOOSE A DESIGNATED DRIVER WHO MAY NOT HAVE ANY WINE.
3. THE MEAT MAY ONLY BE ROASTED. ONE MAY NOT EAT ANY BOILED OR BROILED MEAT AT THIS MEAL.
4. AFTER THE MEAL, MANY HAVE THE CUSTOM TO RETIRE TO THE FAMILY ROOM TO WATCH SPORTS ON T.V.
5. KIDDUSH IS NOT RECITED ON XMAS, BUT ONE SHOULD DEFINITELY HAVE SOME HOLLY.

IX. HAVDALA

1. THERE ARE MANY OPINIONS REGARDING WHEN THE XMAS SEASON IS OVER.(40) BAIS HILLEL HOLDS THAT XMAS IS OVER WHEN THE LAST ITEM IN THE AFTER XMAS SALE HAS BEEN SOLD. BAIS SHAMMAI IS STRICT AND HOLDS THAT XMAS IS OVER IMMEDIATELY AT THE CONCLUSION OF THE FOOTBALL GAME.
(40) Many are confused by the term “twelve days of Xmas”, implying that The Xmas continues until and including January 5. Today, this view is accepted only by the Eastern Orthodox, who hold that December 26 through January 5 constitute Chol Hamoed Xmas. This view is opposed by both the Modern Orthodox and the Ultra Orthodox (and even the Non Orthodox) who hold that Xmas is only one day long, and any context which seems otherwise actually refers to the Xmas season.
2. WALLED CITES CONTINUE XMAS UNTIL THE END OF THE WINNING TEAM’S TICKER-TAPE PARADE. A RECENT ACHARON, RABBI EDWARD, CELEBRATED XMAS IN AUGUST; FOR THIS HE BECAME KNOWN AS “CRAZY EDDIE”.

(c) Akiva and Ilene Miller.

We just finished our rehearsal. I think it’s going to be fun.

There’s at least two holidays in our culture going on under the
one name of Christmas. There’s a winter festival that is symbolized by evergreens, holly, and mistletoe; by our culture’s embodiment of generosity in Santa Claus, and related presents; and by wintertime snow and sleighs. There’s also a Christian holy day, celebrating the birth of Christ, which, for various historic propagandistic reasons, occurs on the same day.

Christmas, as winter festival, and to a lesser extent, Christian holy day, is a pervasive holiday in our culture. Capitalism has a lot vested in the “presents” aspect of the festival, so it gets remorselessly promoted.

Most Christians don’t have any difficulties with this promotion. Yes, sometimes you hear from time to time, phrases like, “He’s the Reason for the Season” or “Put the Christ back in Christmas”, which decries the materialistic aspects of the holiday. But generally it does them no harm to have their holy day in everyone’s faces. It reinforces their viewpoint of themselves as the majority religion, and it underscores their smug superiority.

People who are not practicing Christians but who come from a Christian background still usually have no major problem with Christmas, as they can fully participate in the winter festival and skip the holy day aspects of the holiday.

People from flexible religions like Hinduism or Buddhism have some difficulties, but not major ones. Buddhism has adapted itself repeatedly to local deities and festivals. If Bodhi Day, the celebration of the Buddha’s enlightenment, which usually observed on December 8 gets moved out a little to December 25 – what harm is there in that? You can even string lights on your house to symbolize the Buddha’s enlightenment, no problem. Our local Hindu community had their own ceremony honoring Christmas, as they see Jesus as a holy man and prophet. NBFD for these folks.

Jews are in a different situation. Their 2000-year history of being a minority religion has caused the Jewish tradition to be very strict in non-participation in the majority culture’s religious festivals. Because of our own culture’s confusion between the winter festival and the Christian holy day, most Jews feel that even the winter festival portion of the holiday is off-limits. They will say that “Santa Claus” is a Christian saint, for example, and therefore something Jews can have absolutely nothing to do with. And to some extent they are right – at one time, Santa Claus was a Christian saint, who had a saint-day some time near solstice, and somehow he got mixed up in the big winter festival. These same Jews will point to the Christmas tree, and say, look, it’s a Christmas tree, for heaven’s sake, the word “Christ” is in it, there’s no way it can not be a Christian symbol – or, if you point out that it was originally pagan, well, why should it being pagan make it any more off-limits to them as Jews than if it were Christian? So, most Jews feel that they can’t participate in any aspect of Christmas.

At the same time, Jews are confronted with the holiday at every turn. Christmas is this 400-pound gorilla of a holiday. Everyone is participating in it. It is no longer the case so much in the public schools any more, but certainly when I was a kid, we sang Christian hymns like “Away in a Manger “in the public school, had Christmas decorations in the classroom, had a Christmas pageant—in the 2nd grade, I was the angel Gabriel. It’s one of the few times of the year where one’s religious beliefs and practices are out there for public comment and discussion, even by strangers: “Merry Christmas!” “Uh, actually, we’re Jewish, but thank you anyway.”

Anywhere in out in the world, you have to be aware that the entire culture is preparing for and participating in this massive event. It can not be ignored.

Further, and annoyingly, the winter festival is tremendously appealing. Christmas trees are beautiful. Christmas lights are beautiful. Christmas parties are fun. Getting presents is fun. Sharing in a generous spirit is fun. Many Jews then respond to Christmas with deep resentment. Many Jews hate, hate, hate Christmas with a passion that I think can only be explained by
the fact that they feel like everyone else is having fun when they can’t.

The Christmas tree can be a lightning rod for this resentment, I think precisely because it is so appealing. I know a Jewish man with a Chinese wife, who, considering all the other cross-cultural issues he could have had at their marriage, made only one requirement—that they would never have a Christmas tree.

One Jewish response in North America to the pervasiveness and appeal of Christmas is to take what was once a minor wintertime festival, Chanukah, and pump it up. I personally think this is a mistake. Why?

A. Chanukah, because it is a minor festival, can never be as big and wonderful as Christmas. It is always destined to be a junior Christmas. It will never be as fabulous as what everyone else gets to do, and therefore will just make the larger culture’s festival seem that much more appealing, and the situation Jews are in seem worse.
B. Having Chanukah around means that Christians can give it a little lip service, and then do their own holiday in a Big Way with a clear conscience. This is the extremely annoying practice of having 15 Christmas carols at the concert, and a little sop to the Jews with “I had a little dreydel.” “Why should you complain, huh? You get a damn Chanukah song,
so shut up.” It’s why I refused to be the “Chanukah Mom” at my kids’ elementary school. I refuse to be the excuse for why the rest of the class gets to do Christmas activities. I will do any other Jewish holiday (and have, including Tu B’Shevat) rather than do Chanukah like that.

A more sensible Jewish response, I think, is to promote genuinely important Jewish holidays at home and in the culture. String little lights and hang decorations on your sukkah, so it looks as pretty as Christmas tree. Do a big pile of holiday baking at Purim, and hand out Purim baskets of cookies to friends and neighbors. Have a big family get-together at Passover—still the most widely-celebrated Jewish holiday in North America.

My personal response is to indeed decorate the sukkah, and do holiday baking at Purim, and get together with family at Passover—and still enjoy the winter festival aspects of Christmas. I have done enough genealogy to know that I have relatives at each generation going back 150 years that have intermarried into the larger community. My husband is also
half-Jewish by ethnicity. My kids are, by blood, 1/4 Latvian Jew, 1/4 Ukranian Jew, 3/8 German, 1/16 German Jew, and 1/16 English. (Does that add up right?) If we don’t have a reason to participate in the religious holy day of Christmas, I still feel we, as a household, have some claim on the larger cultural winter festival.

I carry a lot of ambivalences about Christmas. I feel I’ve also taught many of these ambivalences, for better or worse, to my children. I hate the smug triumphalism of it, but I like the honoring of the evergreen, the marking of the darkest days of the year, and the celebration of the spirit of generosity.

I can’t stand parts of Christmas, and I really like parts of it, too. Once again, I don’t know really what I’m up to with this cultural (and religious) holiday.

Things I like: Christmas trees, Christmas dinners, caroling in front of our building, prezzies.

Things I hate: my religious identity on display, carols playing in the malls starting Nov 1, idiots yammering about how the culture hates Christmas, feeling excluded from things.

I sent out email to the gentile wing of the family, inviting them over to Xmas dinner at our house 12/24.