work through my grief

Iv’e been doing this for a year and a half now. Its a cliche but its so up and down. Sometimes I will have days where I’m sad and I can’t really remember why. Sometimes its all I can think about from the moment I wake up. I can’t set this goal as achieved because I feel like I’m still just at the start. I also don’t think its an achievable goal. Once you lose someone the grief becomes a part of your life forever. A more suitable goal would be to live my life with grief but still try to find happyness and meaning. I suppose its all part of working through it so I’ll leave it as ongoing.

Although I’ve managed to keep busy all day, tonight I have nowhere to hide and it’s finally hit me. I know you wouldn’t want me to be so sad, but I miss you so much that I just can’t help it. I’m trying to recall all the happy memories, but I’m still angry for all the new memories that will never be formed…

My heritage dictates that I mourn for a year, yet I feel that I’ve pushed it out of my conscious mind so successfully that my pain is still fresh and I’m merely at the beginning of my grief.

Please let me find the strength to work through this.
“Psychologist heal thyself….”

I miss you