fall in love with someone who loves me too

I am worth the wait.

I don’t know exactly how this came to be my genuine feeling, but i really have wanted to be this secure, this confidant for a LONG time.
I have struggled. I have fallen into open arms despite myself up until this point and i feel like:

Okay, now that i don’t NEED love, i am 10 steps closer to finding real and solid love.

If it takes a year or twenty, i’ll be fine. Sailing on the open ocean looking in the distance for the shore… you know eventually it will come into view, but it doesn’t make the journey any less exciting.
I AM worth however long it takes to find someone who doesn’t make me feel like i’m settling. Someone who loves me for me, and who wants to nurture a positive and motivating relationship. Someone who i want to sacrifice some of this newfound independence for.
Hooray for sailing!

After a date how long do you wait before calling him? Why do guys wait days before calling the girl?

I’m not sure how to write this without sounding like I’m pouring out my life in front of a million people hoping it will set off something that will put me back on my feet. Anyway, even if it doesn’t, I don’t think it’ll hurt to put it in writing somewhere.

The past year was a

go out on a breakfast date yesterday with the man in question. it was a bit awkward, he’s tired, I’m tired….

...but how do you know if you’ve gotten it right? When I fell in love before, it was intense, real, and most definitely mutual, but our personalities were so opposite that simple communication issues became huge. The deal breaker? When he finally admitted to cheating on me with her, I was so much in denial that his lying ways had finally been used on me, I shut down. I tried to keep things going until they became even more bitter. I had never been so disappointed in a single person.

And now, somehow, I find myself in love again. I didn’t plan on it – in fact, I actively avoided it. The problem is, he’s quite a bit older. The age gap is so huge that even though the L-word has been used, I know this is a relationship going nowhere…right?.......

So yesterday we went to the Woodland Park Zoo because T and I both bought the ‘city pass’ on friday. It was a really nice afternoon and i even taught him to use the transit. We had lots of fun, honestly its one of the coolest zoo’s i’ve been to… and yeah, i know i haven’t been to the san diego one…

Anyway, my plan to ‘break it down to him that i’m NOT on the market’ went okay i guess. We ended up going to Belltown Pizza for dinner and pints on the way home and got into some pretty interesting topics.

Its really easy to talk to T, and we disagreed on very little…so when we were talking about relationsihps and i was like:
‘I’m really trying to stay single for my own good’
it was camoflouaged within the sincerity of the rest of our conversations… but he did look a little dissapointed, and we talked about the ‘why’s’ thereafter.

Truth is, i really like him.
I ended up crashing there the other night (Nothing happened) after watching some epidsodes of Dr. Who and everything was safely platonic until the morning when I went to leave and he got a little ‘don’t go’ on me.

So yeah… I reminded him that I’m NOT dating. I’m proud of me on that note, but at the same time cuddling was nice and i’m sure probably pretty confusing for him. Hmm…. I’m going to stick to my guns for now and see how things progress, i barely know him still! I should probably cut out the ‘cuddling’ just to make things a little more cut and dry.

Also, I really HATE the idea of seeing someone in my program. Dating Colleagues is never a good idea in my opinion.

I wonder if i shouldn’t make more of an effort to find ‘girlfriends in this city’. Its really easy to hang with the guys, but i it gets complicated… case in point.

“Enjoy the process,” they say. Yet what’s to be enjoyed about feeling ignored and forgotten?

Starting to think this one is going to take a while…I dont really understand…I’m nice…kinda

the man in question does not have the courtesy to return a phone call. It’s pretty rude. It doesn’t take any time to return a phone call.
I feel a gamut of emotions, sad, annoyed irritated and of course I feel sort of like someone hoodwinked me.
But well…onwards.
It is a little frustrating, but in the end none of it really matters.
Image is a little dramatic, but its what I found.

Tonight I met another interesting woman. Now I feel irritated and I just want to delete this goal. Why?