Alhamdulillah I have 4 beautiful children, and I have been a stay at home Mom for several years now. Prior to that it had been another couple of years that I did not work so I could raise my now-oldest.
I feel often like I am somehow doing a bad thing overall by not holding a “real” job… when people ask me if I work, I say yes, I am a full-time mother of 4. This is a 24/7 job; it does not matter what time of day or night it is, and there is no vacation time. So often the response is, “so you are unemployed?” o.O
I struggle to remember that I am contributing to this family in a very big way, even if it is not financial. Insh’allah I am raising my children well and with trust in Allah Azza wa Jall… they are happy and healthy and I am blessed to have them.
Still… it is so hard sometimes. Alhamdulillah I was a wife and mother very young. I gave birth to my daughter at 17. Because I graduated secondary school early, time was not a problem. We traveled together, and I still had so much time to pursue life.
Three more children and I feel sometimes that the highlight of my day is getting the kids to bed on time and being able to take a shower that is not rushed. I do not feel that this encapsulates living life to the max. LOL I do a happy dance when I get to talk to my sister on the phone uninterrupted. Woohoo!
I miss reading leisurely, taking long baths, eating without having to share, having friends outside of my kids’ school functions and being able to go out with aforementioned friends (where do adults go for fun these days?!). I miss being able to (and having time to) watch a movie that does not have Dora the Explorer or Thomas the Tank Engine.
On the other hand, I would have it no other way. My children are my life, and I would be nobody without them. They have given me purpose, happiness, and a way to see the world with the bright eyes of wonder and innocence. I laugh when my children laugh, I strive to see them smile, and I have learned from them that it is okay to cry, it even helps sometimes. I have found forgiveness for my own parents through becoming a parent, and I have found a diffrent center of the universe other than myself. =)
It is a constant battle within myself to fine a balance between being a Mom 24/7 and still being Fereshteh... the person I was born as before marriage, children, or family. I need to be happy with where I am and stop erring on the side of being less ME so I can be more Mommy.
Insh’allah I can not only find this balance, but truly enjoy being a Mommy to my four wonderful children, without the constant inner dialogue telling me I am not doing well enough.
A friend once told me, “Grow where you’re planted.” This is what I wish to do, and to love every minute of it. =)
