Embrace and enjoy my new life

who the very day I moved in he brought me a table for the dining area and 2 chairs? I invited him to my first BBQ and he came…other than that we say hi and have mutual friends.

Tonight I potted some baby airplane plants that have been on my window sill for a month. He was working on the house so I asked if he wanted one..he was hesitant but mentioned he had noticed them on the window sill…I gave him a plant and he said he would try to keep it alive.

We started talking which we have never done and found we have interests in dehydrating fruit and healthy eating…

If I hadn’t walked across the street we would have always said hi and had mutual friends..but maybe we wouldn’t have ever connected… not his fault at all!

He has always offered his friendship from day one…I was the one who was standoffish.

It has taken years but when I awoke this morning I realize that I am totally free to live each day as I choose to live.

Intellectually I have known this for a very long time but today it sank into my subconcious mind so now it is part of my whole well being…

My ex (B) used to ask me who I was waiting to give me permission to live my life? I would just scoff at such a silly question.

Today I know he had a reason for asking me. I was waiting for that permission…wow!

It was within reach all along!

wandered to how living in the wilderness has actually changed me? Have to admit my answers to this question amazed me because they were so positive.

1. I no longer associate with negative drama queens who spend all of their time stirring up trouble for others and gossiping. Sadly, those were the type of people I associated with in Texas and when I first came here. Then I realized who we associate with reflects who we are. I had the strength to walk away from my toxic friendships and replaced them with happy, fun people to share my life.

2. I am no longer co-dependent! This is huge! I have always depended on a significant other to the point of losing myself in the relationship. I have been tested 2 times here and have been given the strength to walk away friends with these guys. I have my self respect for not accepting their bad behavior towards me. That is an awesome development.

3. I am financially challenged but can take care of myself fairly well by the grace of God plus the moral support of family & friends. I have actually learned to ask for help when I need it but to not be afraid to try new things on my own. Actually I have tried 8 businesses since I have been here. Success and failure no longer scare me. ;)

4. I have a paid for car which is a blessing! I am very proud to have accomplished that on my own limited finances for the past 2 years. I also have rented a home that has been decorated by gifts from the people who love me and special buys I have found…it is my safe haven. This is the first time in my entire life I have ever had my own space. Sometimes it is lonely but mostly it is wonderful!

5. Last for today but not least…I am actually healthy. When I got here I weighed more, couldn’t walk a block without having to rest, cried at the drop of a hat. I was an unhealthy wreck. Now I laugh often, make healthy eating choices and can walk 5 miles a day very easily…baby steps but major accomplishments after the pulmonary emboli that almost killed me.

I am a very different person then when I got here.

I have grown up. :)

that moving back to Texas would not be best for my continued good health. Chances of my surviving there for long term looks bleak. The extreme heat is not my friend.

That made me very sad this week. However, no time for sadness and living in the past! It’s time to move on and finally, for real, embrace my new life here in the wilderness 100%.

I always had the idea I was going home to Texas to live. I couldn’t see me spending the rest of my life where I started it.

I do see I am where I am supposed to be at this time for whatever reason God has for me to be here.

The hint I have is I went away to learn how to make the changes here that I wanted to do as a child. Heaven knows they still have many of the very same problems that I so vocally fought to change as a teenager. Now I have some experience and maturity to help me get my point of view across to others.

has been a trial for me. I came back to where they originated and for the past 2 years they have taken over my life but now I am breaking those patterns for more positive belief systems.

Maybe that is the whole reason I was called back home to the wilderness. Interesting…

An interesting conversation I had this weekend was with the guy I have been seeing the past few months. We had talked of not seeing each other a few weeks ago and since he has been trying to show me how much he cares for me…but he mentioned how since I have decided what business I am going to do now I have changed and become much more assertive.

He’s not certain he likes the change. I just laughed and said actually my true personality is coming out. Since I moved here I have been like a fish out of water trying to find my way. Now life is finally getting back to normal.

Yesterday I was working at the antique store and was hungry at lunch time so I called the restaurant downstairs from the store for a turkey sandwich.

I swear they charge $10 for a turkey sandwich with huckleberry chutney and chips. I didn’t order it afterall but their place is always filled with people!

I did stop by the market last night for bread and chips…I can have sandwiches for a week for half that price.

is essential in learning to enjoy my new life. Last night I actually called my ex in Texas. Things haven’t really changed with him…he is who he is and I am who I am…

He did tell me our dog (Rudy) died. That was sad news but really the last connection we had together.

Moving on will be so much easier now.

I was glancing out my window and saw the most beautiful sight…a bald eagle flying along the river then swooping over my house like he knew I was watching him. He was magnificent.