feel comfortable with my body

Even in high school at 100lbs, I felt like I had to wear loose clothing or cover my “problem areas.” I’ve never worn a swimsuit to the beach. I always wear something else because I don’t want to show any skin because I feel self-conscience. I tell myself, “duh! ur not half as big as your peers!”, but I need to be more confident.

I just got out a a really disfunctional relationship, but something good did come from all the crazyness. I feel a lot more comfortable with myself. I wouldnt walk around naked infront of a bunch of people or anything, but i do feel much better about my body than i did before.

Did I really start this two years ago? Damn. Well, since then I learned I have PCOS, chronic fatigue syndrome, and sleep apnea. These diseases cause major weight and metabolism issues and just generally cause one to feel horrible.

I have begun treatment, I have lost weight, but more importantly I feel healthier. Which has made it much easier to be comfortable in my skin. I am not to a size that is ideal for me, I would guess another few inches off the middle (crosses fingers).

but i’m now really comfortable with my body after walking about naked as much as possible and just doing normal things naked

now i’m really happy with my body even tho its not perfect and im really comfortable now

seriously its worth a shot

xx

but i’m not.

my bmi is healthy…. people tell me i’m skinny as hell…

but all i see when i look in the mirror is my flaws.

like my big butt. or my thighs.

or my growing chin.

the only time i feel great about myself is that one period of the day when i’m bare foot in spandex and a cami with my hair pulled back dancing.

when i’m dancing, i feel amazing about myself, like i could do anything and that i’m the best person on earth [[haha. vain, ik]] and that i’m how i want to be. i love that feeling.

if only i could filter some of that into the rest of the day.

I am so confused i dont know wat to do 2 years ago i had a baby girl and i put a few pounds but i was always self consciece about my weight and i think now its getting to me i dont eat anything now i think im ugly i have no willpower otr feelings to go out and do anything with my boyriend or daughter because i feel so ashame and embarass. but i am working on it to try and get better i even started takin these diet pills and their workkin but my mom is scared for me takin them that she hides them from me but i dont know wat to do about anything anymore. i guess in the long run i wll soon be better .

So I shopped at Whole foods yesterday. I am eating some bran oats something or other cereal as we speak. I am planning on being more active too talking to my counselor yesterday she gave me some good ideas. I want to look like that girl on Miami Ink I saw, you couldnt tell she had scoliosis because she was skinnier than me…by far. I want to not see my imperfections shouting at me when I look in the mirror.

i go to the gym, I eat well, yet I gain more weight. All I see when I look at myself is a lump for lard. I am so bloated like a whale carcase…I hate this body.

I don’t have an amount of pounds I want to loose or a size I want to be. I just want to feel content with how I look and not be repulsed by what I see in the mirror.