Too much needing to be done, not enough hours in the day. I am giving up on this for now, and I look forward to the day my children are in bed (and stay there) when I say it is bedtime, and sleep through the night until the sun wakes them.
Okay, to be honest I am not urgently looking forward to it… I love knowing that they can look to me to chase away nightmares and shadows that would threaten to become monsters under the bed. I love how sweet they are when they are sleepy; too tired to rub their eyes, they stumble out to wake me rubbing their noses (all of my kids have done this, it’s so adorable). I love how when they wake up in the middle of the night, they suddenly are not too old to let me hug them. =)
No, the nights where they sleep each and every hour through can wait, however I also understand that this means I will also wait for the time that this goal can be completed.
I am happy to say I have adjusted, and that I am doing well on an average 3-4 hours of sleep per night. When needed (such as recently, when all of the children were ill and my youngest had to go to the hospital), because I am the only one who is up with them at night, I have become accustomed to functioning without sleep. While the children were ill, I found that I am able to make it without sleep for 5 days / 4 nights before I begin to have problems. The key is not to drive or do anything that could be dangerous, since it seems that even when feeling fully awake, exhaustion manifests in severe dizzy spells and lowered blood pressure (in myself, at least).
It’s fascinating to see my doctors get all worked up about this, trying to figure out what’s happening in my brain to allow me to function on a total of 3 or 4 hours of sleep (snatched in small naps here and there) in a span of 7 days, 6 nights, without dropping. I have tried to explain that it is my job to be there for them when they need me, and when faced with necessity and having only love for my beautiful children to fuel my wakefulness, it comes easily. I believe that God knew we would have times like this, and equipped Moms to pull it off without a hitch (no offense meant to any Dads out there; it’s just that I cannot speak for you). =)
Anyhoo, getting back to the point. I will ressurect this goal when it seems realistic. Until then, I will happily share my time with my little ones. When it becomes difficult and I start to selfishly wish that I had time in a normal day just for me, I will remind myself that in the not-so-distant future, my little ones will sleep, dream, and grow, and I will look back and long for these times.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
