stop fancying my housemate

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SunriseOverSeaClosure

In the end, all I had to do was move out, get on with my life for two years, then fall in love with somone else.

Simple :P 3 years ago


tommigirl

tommigirlAnd one year on...

I completely forgot about this site! Well its been exactly a year since all of this started with my (now ex) housemate. Since my last entry a LOT has happened.
I gave up on it all and swallowed my pride and started to become good friends with his girlfriend. If I was to live there then it was essential that I got on with them. And it turned out she and I got on really well. Everything with my housemate was in the past and I was happy.
I met Joe. We started a relationship and I loved finally having someone to have fun with and wake up in the morning in his arms. I was extremely fond of Joe and was excited at the prospect of him being ‘the one’. My housemate I could tell was jealous. He made it perfectly clear to me that he didnt like Joe. We argued about it a lot and it made the atmosphere once again awkward. I felt furious at his behaviour it was like he resented me ever being happy. I started to make plans with Joe to move away. My housemates girlfriend was upset and begged me to stay even though she could sense his jealousy over me and Joe.
Then things turned even worse. Joe’s ex had a baby. His baby. He had refrained from telling me this till the day it was born. He called me up one morning and asked for a lift to the hospital urgently. I was worried and confused and asked Joe to explain why and thats when he told me. I was shocked gutted but most of all heartbroken. My perfect boyfriend wasnt so perfect. I tried to understand but I was so hurt and couldnt forgive Joe for keeping this from me and for being capable of abandonning his pregnant girlfriend. So I heartbrokenly ended the relationship.
I confided in my housemate one night. I was distraught and he comforted me. I ended up sleeping with him again. The next moring his girlfriend came over and I felt awful and could barely look her in the eye. About a week later she found out during an argument. She was distrsught and I felt like a bitch so started looking for somewhere else to live. She stayed by him though – I couldnt believe she would want to stay with such a selfish bastard because that is finally what I saw he was. Just uses women for sex and perhaps he did like me a bit more than just for sex but by then I was fed up and couldnt be bothered to stick around and find out.
He helped me pack my things and the last time I ever saw him was when he said goodbye outside my new home.
This time my housemate was a woman in her 40s. Nice and safe. 6 years ago


melloyello77Untitled

So much has happened. I don’t want to be with him, EVER, but I will always have something for him – a chemistry I suppose – but he is a dick and he is leaving for good soon! WWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Bring it on! Twat. SO#o, it’s as over as it is ever going to be – he shagged other girls when he was away all the time he was playing me… nob. So I guess this is as good as done but I can never say forever the feeling will go – just that I will never be with him thank christ! I least I GET IT NOW! 6 years ago


melloyello77his last chance now

he’s been away 4 weeks. finished it twice but sent a postcard saying he loves me. i spoke to him on the phone last night (he is still away for 4 weeks) and he asked me what would I say if he asked me to go and meet him out there where he is for a few days so we could talk and be away from everything. I said no. He told me to go a few times in the call but kept asking me things before I went to say goodbye. he wants me and he doesn’t want me. he talked about kids again. i told him to have a think a think hard – write a letter not an email in 5 minutes. I still want him. it’s his final chance now. I want to go and see him. feeling a bit weird about it now tho. do i really want to spend my life with someone like this? in the time he has been away I have seen what people are like – nice. this seems like a bit of a joke. but my heart hasn’t given up yet. i await the letter. i sent him an email saying all the good things we could have. a terrified boy who is afraid of being a man will have read that today. lets see what happens it really is his final chance. 6 years ago


melloyello77he's away for 2 months

And just before he left he was really funny with me when I was trying to establish whether or not I was his girlfriend (as he was going away for 2 months I would like to know where I stand). He really kept a massive physical distance from me, complained I ask too much about where I stand… can you blame me? Why all the weird behaviour before he goes away after talking to me about having kids?

So in a really heartbreaking episode we split up. I have sent him an email saying he has hurt me a lot, should have left me alone if he wasn’t sure about me, like i had asked him to, not to have hurt me over and over (inconsiderate **, suggested that his fear of wanting kids and serious things (which I honestly believe he wants) with me were doing him no favours. Nor me. I explained that his constant changing his mind is what left me feeling and asking all the time,what the hell is going on TODAY? everyday he was different with me, changing all the time.

Who needs this shit? 6 years ago


melloyello77Are you still reading?

Well of course you are because we are starting with the most recent yes?

Well – he had all but 3 days away from me and then came home and could not leave me door. Asking me over and over and over to go and talk to him….. why? he wasn’t sure why….

after 3 days of telling myself why I shouldn’t even speak to him – of course I did. and loved it…. and him…. aarrghhh!! he admitted (?) that he has been really scared because he thinks I might be “the one” – what? I said – “How many kids do you want?”.... “What?” I said. We talked about having kids for the next 2 hours before falling asleep in that holding each other this is going to be the parent of my children atmosphere, very caring and loving and lovely…. have you been there??? Well – I still take it with a pinch of salt enjoyable though it is because it could all change tomorrow…. the admitting part is because I am dealing with a man who is 27 years old and is desperately trying to run from parental urges and anything that might mean he is getting older and into a life with less freedom….. but freedom…. I don’t believe kids stop you from doing things… obviously some things, but I am an adventurer, and I know he is too…. but hey… blah ablah ablah

I want about 3 by the way … he wants 7….. (I’m one of 7 – maybe I could do 5 if a multiple birth is in there somewhere?). Oh and it’s terry nappies…. or environmentally friendly at least… man…... if ever I could chose a father and long term partner I think I could chose an easier one…. but would it be as passionate??

I’m in tehe internet cafe and I can smell fish and chips…mmmmmmmmm

I laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of this entry….. something always feels right and something always feels wrong…

x 6 years ago


melloyello77Things are far from stable

Ok – maybe this isn’t even about fancying my housemate anymore. We have had a few fantastic weeks – got to know each other a bit better. But things have become too intense and we can’t stop bickering… went on hols together where he was a tw* and out of my closet came my short temper and psycho streak. Not great….. his sister is visiting at the mo and we are having some space. My mum thinks he will come back to me if I leave him. My sister thinks I should tell him to f off. He wants to be my friend if we split up but I can’t give him the pleasure – he has had enough of my time and energy already. I fell in ove with him big time – he did with me too – but i’m not sure how I feel now. I can’t love someone who doesn’t love me. It has been a rollercoaster. I chatted with his sister last night and it seems that the way he has been a dick with me isn’t personal – he has been like that with everyone…. hmmm… can I live with that? Can he live with my occasional psycho outbursts? (Which was actually me tearing up a book – admitting to self harming in the past). He says he is afraid of what I would do to him (I have hit him a couple of times when he is pushing pushing PUSHING me, teasing me, picking on me to try and make me SMILE – which apparently I hardly ever do. He says he is afraid of what I will do to myself. The last conversation we had I was thinking about self harm but just one night away and I have returned back into the real world and not feeling so intense and psycho anymore. Maybe space is the answer – maybe being single is. We share so much….. my feelings are changin – I am very lucky to have had that insight from his sister last night. It’s made me see that his stupid behaviour is normal AND unacceptable not just to me but to his family as well. And I thought I was going mad – it is not me….. no wonder I lost my head – tho I take full responsibility for my psycho outburst which has done me NO FAVOURS WHATSOEVER – that is enough to put anyone off. But if he hadn’t been such a dick….....

He is going away for 2 months in a few days…. hmmmmmm FUck knows what will happen. I love him…. or I loved him – I can’t tell. He will be lucky if any girl puts up with him.

I wonder what will happen next….. dreading him going away.

I’ve lost weight over this – (well I think that’s why I’ve lost weight) – I’m 7 and a half stone…. yuk… it doesn’t look great at all. He liked my ass bigger :0 !!!

Plan is to leave him alone – see if he comes back to me – make him see how fucking brilliant I am. He will be sorry to have been such a tw* ... he could have had everything with me – more than anyone else would have given him. Fool! All men are fools!! 6 years ago


melloyello77its not over :)

and things seem better than ever…. 6 years ago


melloyello77its over

Yep… I’m not happy about it either, no surprise there. I am keeping mydistance from him.

It came down to him having cold days towards me and I just got sick of full on romance with intermittent off days where he wouldn’t respond to me… ouch. SICK OF BEING REJECTED BY GUYS WHO SAY THEY WANT YOU BUT THEY DON’T! There is more to it than this, a lot more – which I will have a rant about at another time. I haven’t stopped liking him but I am very angry with him and think he is a selfish t**t. He timed finishing with me really well – 2 days before I had 2 uni projects to complete. I still have my final project to do and all that crap isn’t helping me either. I can get quite bad depression as you may see from my other list and things are BAD at the moment. The house is stressful not just because of this situation but an armed raid in the middle of the night with a gunman on lthe loose also has made me feel uncomfortable in the house…. good huh? Anything else want to stress me out?

The future is not bright or fn orange right now. 6 years ago


melloyello77quote of the day

yep – exactly – this quote from this website

“The problem is never how to get new, innovative thoughts into your mind, but how to get old ones out.”
- Dee Hock

That’s what it feels like is happening :) 6 years ago


melloyello77and so..

three weeks have passed… and I’ve learned a lot. Things between us have been sweeeeet. But don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t been easy to get there, it has involved A LOT of talking to figure out just exactly what is going on in both our heads.

And I had got him wrong. He was actually being realistic. I was trying to compartmentalize the ‘relationship’ into the old moulds of my past relationships. This was different – that was what I had to get used to. I could sense his feelings for me were strong and it confused me because he would say contradicotry things – one minute he could see us having kids the next he says …. he cant talk about what is happening in the next few months. OF course he cant. Because no one knows what will. I trusted my sixth sense of just how much he felt for me even tho at first he was very confusing – but actually – he isn’t english and I’ve realised the language has caused BIG misunderstandings in the weeks before. For example he will only half say what he means – I get offended – then I realise that there is more to it but because the words are different to his first language, he is not using the same words he would to express it inhis own language. This can get tiresome! But it’s worth it. He is worth it to me. The more I have relaxed the more he has relaxed and things have become so much better and he is saying more and more wonderful things to me all the time. I can feel he likes me more and he says so too.

It seems he had got me wrong – not in my intentions with him but about who I am and my future plans. That’s way too broad to go into now but basically I put his mind to rights over several issues about myself that were of concern to him. For example having kids… when we first met I had just come out of a serious relationship, on my way to getting married with a date planned for starting trying for a family. I have to say, this is not what I am wanting any more at all. I am not even thinking beyond the next 2-3 months, and that is something that has really changed in me. But he was still convinved that I was still on that plannet baby… no way! thank god!

My worries about being hurt and wanting some kind of official statement saying it is or it isn’t was just ridiculous – a strain on myself and on him. Wanting to fit what was going on into ‘definite’ statements was a real pressure for both of us. Saying we are boyfriend and girlfriend even now I don’t want to. But yes we are together, and its private. No body’s business but our own. We talked and decided we don’t actually want to get together where we are right now – we have got ideas for a bit of travelling over the summer and with bigger more exciting ideas for things abroad later on, but all of them ideas – definites just make everything fall apart… but I don’t need definites now…. But yes, we are in the same circle of friends, and don’t want other people’s comments – we don’t even want to exist as a ‘couple’ in this circle, it would change so much and we are happy as we are. We talked about how it would be when we came back from travelling and as things change when you are away, we would have had time to ourselves (something we dont have now and time to see if we could be together) and things would be different in the circle of friends by then, we ageed we wouldn’t give a f**k what people think then, we would have worked out and felt above and beyond the pressures that bother us now or it wouldn’t have worked…move on etc etc. Right now we need our own space and time. AND – we can have it – and we are having it and it’s great.

Future plans? As they come. We are very happy together and will take any future opportunities if and when they come, if and when we want to. I feel looooooads more relaxed just by changing my attitude. Things feel fn good. Yes it could all end tomorrow but these feelings between us are BIG…. STRONG and fn amazing. It doesn’t feel like any other relationship I have been in coz there is no long term plans… I like it that way.

We talked about having kids, I said no way could I see myself having kids with him…. he said he could…. how he has been with me has changed a lot now we have both relaxed.

Love hurts. Life is suffering. Once you accept that things seem not so hard. It’s all part of life. And I’m doing it. I enjoy the challenges this is putting me up against because there are things about my personality I don’t like – I think too much, I’m too sensitive and want security – and just being with him in this situation is making me relax over a hell of a lot of things that have been bothering me for years….. 6 years ago


tommigirlUntitled

Its been two months of living like this (which doesnt seem a long time but believe me it HAS been for me). I’m more confused than ever about my feelings for my housemate.

One night the other week I tell him I need to talk to him (an extremely rare night when it is just him and NOT his girlfriend). He listens as I say to him that I care about him a lot and that I didnt want there to be any hard or awkward feelings between us especially now that he has a girlfriend. It was at this point when he jumped in and said defensively that she wasnt his girlfriend – just a friend who wants to ‘hang out’ with him all the time. I think at this point I gave him the most skeptical look as I raised my eyebrows. I think he sometimes forgets that I AM in the next room and these walls are a little bit on the thin side…
Anyway, choosing not to get in to the whole ‘you really shouldnt be treating women like this’ debate, I continued to explain that I was ok with his ‘friend’ and I just wanted us all to get on.
He agreed and we hugged as we both promised to look out for each other. I still wanted him so badly.

Come another drunken weekend and I go out with my housemate on the town. No girlfriend. Just me him and his mates. Just like old times again. I felt happy. Perhaps she REALLY was just his ‘friend’. But oh so confusingly my housemates gets angry at me for flirting with his mates (jealous?) and then right in front of me ‘pulls’ another girl: a gorgeous young blonde who he decides to bring back to the house with us. I end up storming up to my room in tears as I have to endure him ‘enjoying’ his new ‘friend’ LOUDLY from his room.

I spend a few days at my parents because I really am getting fed up with being treated like this. So I take a breather and come home to face my housemate again. He has this new ‘friend’ around every day. God knows what happened to the other ‘friend’. I realise that I just have to be an adult about all this and get on with my own life.

Then comes along ANOTHER weekend. I go out this time without my housemate (he completely blanks me when he has women over the house). I enjoy myself with MY mates. But lo and behold I end up bumping into him in a club. He has no lady on his arm. He tries to dance with me. I yell over the music that I’m guessing his new girlfriend has dumped him already then. He responds that he doesnt have a girlfriend – that he doesnt care about any woman in the world. He says into my ear that he only cares about me. My heart melts and I smile as we dance and go home together. We say goodnight then go to our own bedrooms.

I think this is the end of our ‘rendevouz’s’.

In fact I KNOW this is the end: last night he brought back ‘friend’ number 2. God I’m an idiot. 7 years ago


melloyello77Untitled

over the past few days we have been getting closer and closer still. about 3 days a go I had to stop things again because I could feel myself falling in love with him. the adrenalin rushes, that feeling in your stomach, it does not matter what he wears, what time of day, how tired he is … he always looks absolutely beautiful to me….. warning warning i say to myself – love is blind!

so on this upward surge of wonderful days and nights together I knew I had to stop and get back to the real world again. i told him it had to stop (again) because i was getting used to being with him and i didn’t want that to end (well – that is put simply, i said a lot more). He has been really stressing over all of this, with no one to talk to. He doesn’t understand why he is afraid to commit. He says part of this do feel right, he could see us living together in the future… but just…. just…. and that is the mystery – that “just” and those “but”s are what make me say – we need to finish because I am certain about how I feel about him. When I went up to his room to talk to him about this – he took my hand… and he held it as we stood in the middle of his room talking for an hour and a half. he wouldn’t let go. he wouldn’t say goodnight. as my hand would slip he would rehold it again. The weirdest bit was when he said “Do you know why this is so important to me right now? Because it feels so good to be loved.”.... and he started crying….. everything got so intense that night… i told him i was the stupid one to still be in his room listening to what he had to say… he told me i wasn’t stupid at all…. he told me he didn’t want to hurt me…. i told him i was used to it… i am…. i cried a bit….. not full on snotty crying, just lots of tears falling…. it was all too much and it led to us staying in the same bed together. we had a nother couple of blissful days where he even walked down the road with his arm around me, he didn’t care if anyone saw, he didn’t care if our other housemate knew and if our housemate asked if something was going on he was happy to say ….yes, there is something…..

so yesterday… after being so high from being with him, i was sitting at my computer with him feeling absolutely dangerously happy – so i bought it up again. i had a friend email me who told me to not waste my time and that I should be with someone who loves me absolutely, who can’t live without me….. he doesn’t deserve everything i give him….

this time it has been different to the other times I have said lets stop. he shaved his hair off…. he often does this when things get difficult for him… a sure sign he is bothered about things. he wouldn’t speak to me in the kitchen which upset me. i told him please dont not speak to me. but he still stayed silent and i fell into the mode of not speaking to him because it hurt that he wouldn’t speak to me. eventually, as I finished cooking, he was already sitting down to eat adn turned round and said sorry, said he was being a ‘dick’ and asked me to eat with him. I said no, because i felt so tense i wouldn’t be able to eat…. I’ve been struggling with my apetite a bit lately, I was going out and I had to eat…. so i went to my room….

went out, had a good night. came home, spoke to him breifly and got nowhere, no further with it all. i went to bed.

when I go to bed and when I get up in the morning is when everything feels worse. we both have our dissertations to write within the next 12 days. i woke him up this morning with a coffee, to help him wake up… he sleeps for england but has been much better since we ‘got together’. he didn’t want to talk. i said shall we forget al this? he said he couldn’t forget. he wasn’t really talking.. he wasn’t last nigth either… so now I am feeling shit about it all. the time away from him yesterday did put him back into the perspective of a housemate but… i still like him alot. he is sleeping now. i got f**d off with him this morning for still sleeping and not drinking his coffee and when he said he didn’t want to talk – which of course is understandable – i reacted like a child stormed out and took the coffee away. decided that I wasn’t going to try and help him anymore. there is nothing i can do. i have a message for him from a friend, I want to go and wake him up and tell him…. but i should wait… leave him to his own bad habits, not working etc… failing his degree….

this is going to be the heardest yet… no idea what will happen next. i’m not ashamed of what I have done – i like him, i tried, did everything i could like any other person would for someone who they really like…. i still haven’t given up until he says that’s it.. because I have a gut instinct that it could work still. maybe that will fade…. but its so strong right now… i believe in love… if it is for me it wont pass me… 7 years ago


tommigirlUpdate - things have changed A LOT

And so the roles have reversed.
Well to bring up to date: after the first time we slept together things continued awkwardly. He would run from the room with his head down if I walked in – scurrying away from me. But slowly he began to feel at ease in my presence once again and I was relieved because I missed our late night chats. But weirdly I started to find my self wanting him again. Talking to him I would just want him to grab me and take me in his arms. I often wondered if he had felt the same way too. I realised that I was falling for him pretty bad.
So for two weeks things looked as though they could go back to normal until we decided to go out again for a night out in the town together. And yes: after a ‘few’ drinks we ended up back in bed together again. It was AMAZING this time. We made love all night long and I loved falling asleep in his arms.
But for some reason the morning ‘after’ was once again awkward.I kept telling myself to tell him that he meant more to me than just sex but I couldnt seem to bring my self to say it. So instead I walked out the bedroom for a shower and when I came back he had gone back to his own room and we yet again went back to being just roomates.
I was kind of downtrodden that it yet again didnt go further but I realised that I was probably mostly to blame as I was acting as though all it was was sex to me. I was scared of getting close and I told my self that if it is meant to be then somehow we will find a way of REALLY being together.
I shouldnt have waited.
A week after our last ‘rendevouz’ (last sunday in fact) I came home after a weekend at my parents house. I knew he was in because his car was in the drive and I heard music coming from his bedroom door.
I bounced up the stairs and cheerily called out to him expecting him to invite me into his room as he usually does.
There was no answer so I shrugged my shoulders assuming that perhaps he was asleep.
It wasnt until I went downstairs that I noticed a pair of womans high heels. They werent mine. My heart caught in my throat. And then I breathed trying to rationalise that they might be my other housemates girlfriends. Or even his sisters.
But when I went back upstairs I heard the unmistakable sound of giggling coming from HIS room. A girls giggles. Then his giggles. I felt sick.
Sitting in my room on my bed I had to endure their noises. My heart was breaking in tiny little pieces yet I couldnt stop tortuing myself.
I heard them leave his room and go downstairs and I just had to know. So I ran down and ran into the kitchen. I came face to face with them canoodling up against the fridge.
I think the worst thing was the fact that she looked about 15. I must have looked a picture – stood frozen with my mouth hanging open. I realised that I had to pull my self together and managed a ‘hi’; trying to act as casual as I could in my pjs, no make up and my hair thrown back in a wild ponytail. I just wanted to cry.
They then made their excuses and left the kitchen.
So that was it. I blew my chances. It is now Wednesday and I have had to put up with them ‘giggling’ in his room EVERY night and I’m going mad. He doesnt even talk to me anymore.
How can I carry on living in that house like this?
Why did I ever have to fancy my housemate? 7 years ago


melloyello77Untitled

and then last night we slept in his bed…. he told me a few things that felt like a big deal, told me he likes so many things about me, the food I eat, the way I live my life, the guitar I play, the songs I sing, the photographs I take, the art work I produce, that glass of wine I like to have, the way I think….. I’m not the most feminie of girls the way I dress and he mentioned the last night we spent together (the one I have written an entry about that was so intsense) – he said he was amazed to find me so sexual, he couldn’t believe that was in me… he said it completed everything for him. We both said that we weren’t expecting to feel this way about somone like … like each other. He makes me feel alive, youngs, I was all ready to meet someone and settle down, have kids… now I want to go travelling and have adventures! Meeting someone with money, a career, focused and a house was on my agenda and now that seems just boring. I’m so glad he has opened the world to me again. He said me wanting kids is one of the things that he finds attractive about me – he asked me how many kids I wanted… (3-5 is the answer). What is strange, and we have said it a couple of times is that we can see ourselve together in the future… it’s just we can’t picture in between. But ultimately he said that something seems missing in me… he’s not sure what. I know he doesn’t find me ideally attractive, I’m not the type he would go for – i think that is partly because I’m not that girlie. I guess something feels a bit missing for me too… but he is becoming who I want to be with and the missing bits are becoming less important. I know I will be gutted if he meets someone he said he will at first but will be happy for me too. It’s getting into heavier ground… I think he is thinking we are just carrying on and see what happens even though something is missing…he said since he met me what he wants has changed… ie: he is amazed to feel that he could actually want someone like me. I think I am the one who will end up hurt here… even though it sounds like we could be together one day…

pfff… what next 7 years ago


melloyello77hmmm

i know it gets boring when people basically start blogging on here – i know it does… but I’m still going to update…

the night before last we slept together again. when we do get close we kiss…and other things without actually any kind of ‘entry’ anywhere… he hasn’t had the pleasure of touching my body apart from my arms and stomach. But anyway…. in was sooooo intense. the feelings of wanting him, the feelings of affection for him… to hold him… to look at him…really I think I like him more than he likes me… but then I’m not so sure. I stopped kissing him at one point and he asked me what was going on… I was smiling, not down or anything… – I said it was just intense,he said he thought it was too, but we both agreed in a nice way. I said it was making me like him more. He said it was making him like me more too (that was a surprise to hear, and a nice one at that). At one of the many many points we were looking at each other and not talking…just adrenalin fuelled euphoric intense eye contact that is just the best in the world.. I told him I was trying to read his mind, I said “I know what you’re thinking… you’re thinking, I really like her but….but…...” I can’t remember exactly what he replied but it was along the lines of… he does really like me and there was no “buts”..... part of me wonders if he does want to be with me…. part of me wants to be with him…. but i think we both feel the timing isn’t right, the situation living together isn’t right – it’s just not ready to come to that… maybe something will happen that blows it all apart and it won’t even be an issue…. maybe our time will come….maybe this now, is the best there will ever be….

all this happened after he said he was going to sleep in his own room that night. last night he did, and I’m glad. i don’t want to sleep with him every night – I want this to last – I want my own space, I have things to do! I have been up all night working!it’s nice to miss someone too.. it keeps it alive…

having said that it might not ever happen again…all that intensity might have made him run. he did say to me a last week that he likes me so much it scares him…. so what happened might scare him off….

i hope it hasn’t. if it has well…. that’s life… it was fn brilliant whilst it lasted. i just can’t go on enough about how amazing it was. kissing with eyes open looking deep deep deep into each other… feeling so amazing inside..

i am learning at the age of nearly 30 that I musn’t confuse sex with a guy having strong feelings for me… right now it feels like it is more than just sexual attraction… deeper than that.. if it turns out it is just a sexual thing then i haven’t learnt enought about confusing sex and kissing for deeper feelings… no doubt it will leave me very untrusting.. that’s the risk I am taking I guess… 7 years ago


melloyello77so far.....

all is very weird and I have never done anything like what i am doing at the moment. basically… we are close, we have slept in the same bed together for the past 3 or 4 nights, which makes a change from the sofa downstairs until 6 am in the morning… but NO SEX, just being close and a bit closer sometimes – but i am no way going to have sex with him. we dont touch each other out of the bedroom and sometimes we dont touch each other in bed either. we have talked and he doesn’t want a relationship with me and i guess that he isn’t exactly what I am looking for either.

we are helping each other out a lot in our week to week life and long term goals, we really motivate each other and love being in each others company, which we spend a lot of time together. I’m getting my uni work done, feeling better in myself, more motivated, confident, he’s keeping sensible hours, stopped smoking weed, getting stuff done which he wasn’t before. we benefit from each other a lot and inspire each other.

I suppose i guess it will stop when one of us has had enough or if one of us meets someone else. i dont feel hurt by what is happening but know i will be jealous if he meets someone – and he will if i do too – but still I know that he isn’t really for me… so it probably will all end weirdly – what kind of relationship doesn’t? if we were to suddenly say we are a couple it would ruin what we have…. i don’t really want that pressure – i am enjoying still being free but having a sense of closeness with someone. i guess i miss the fact that i am not wanted body and soul but that will come with the right person eventually.

so yeah – we have a v v v strange relationship – kind of like best friends, kind of like brother and sister.. just there for each other. other housemate doesn’t know. someone else will be moving in soon so maybe that will shake it up a bit – esp if its a pretty girl!then he will go off me! well – i guess that’s good really. in the mean time the general feeling of well-being it is giving me is making me meet more people, get involved with things i have always wanted to – so really it is spring boarding me onwards anyway to hopefully meet the right guy. but i guess a small deep down part of me wishes he was the right guy. we talked and he said that if we are both still single in 10 years he wants to marry me. haha!

i’m not going to have sex with him. i am adamant about that. if i did that – then my head would be screwed and i would feel he was taking advantage of me – but my body, my love, is being saved for someone who does want me and love me – for someone i want too – but to be honest – we are using each other – both consenting to what we are doing. maybe it will turn out to be a mistake… that’s why I am putting it up on here… for those who are wondering what might/could/can happen… lets see where it goes… in the mean time I am still dreaming of mister right. 7 years ago


tommigirlI face a similar dilema

I have recently moved in to a shared house with two guys and I should have known this was a bad idea from the start.
The landlord, who lives there also, is a year younger than me and I instantly took a fancy to him. There was definite chemistry between us from the start and I would sit up till about midnight with him every night chatting and laughing away. Basically we got on really well and I found myself getting increasingly attracted to him.
Then one weekend we went out on the town and a hell of a lot of alcohol was consumed. As you can imagine one thing led to another and we ended up having sex and waking up together in my room.
He was ecstatic and told me that he was practically in love with me.
I was horrified by my behaviour as sleeping with him made me realise that he was not my type and I didnt feel that strongly about him in that way. I have also realised that I have effectively destroyed our friendship and am finding it awkward being alone with him.
We havent spoken about that night since leaving my room and I’m so confused about how to deal with this. I feel awful for the way I feel as it is very clear that he is wanting to take this further.
The other housemate doesnt know and I want to keep it that way. The last thing I want to do is get into a relationship as I’m still heartbroken after my last.
In my opinion and recent experience housemates should stay what they are: MATES.
Next time I’m living with girls only. 7 years ago


melloyello77Wellll......

OK – the other housemate has gone :) great. I did actually start seeing someone which for a few days cleared him out of my mind… and then..OMG

the night b4 the other housemate left (and I have to admit, even tho we slept together everything was totally cool between us when I called it off)my housemate who was leaving and the housemate I had liked for ages went out drinking. They came back early evening hammered. The housemate who I fancy was a complete arse to me to say the least – he was a total w**r. He was pretty spiteful towards me and also ina pissed up jokey way slapped me accross the face :o !! I was so hurt, really hurt.Not physically at all. The next day I had to tell him what he had done because he couldn’t remember. He apologised profusely. I asked him if he had a problem with me because I had never had a friend who had been so spiteful to me b4. He at first said no. But I pushed it thinking there is something he doesn’t like about me and it needs sorting now – hping that this would be the end of all this crap. Do you know what he said??

Bear in mind I had just started seeing someone as well. He told me that he liked me… and his explanation was “love and hate – its the same thing isn’t it?”. Now.. of course this should stop me fancying him. But I understood what he meant. He told me he was jealous I was seeing someone. He couldn’t have me and I guess it was that coming out. VVVVV immature…. but it hasn’t stopped me.

Me and the other guy didn’t work out and I told my housemate NOTHING was going to happen whilst I was seeing the other guy. But once that finished the ‘tension’ was back there.

We often stay up late talking, sometimes not going to bed at all. We DO like each others comapny a lot. Then.. we went out, came back … talked about IT again – always with me saying he is not really suitable and he tried to kiss me! whaaaaa??

DANGER DANGER huh? Yep, I know he is not suitanble for me.

2 nights later, we stay up late again and this time…. we kiss. We talk. We have those looks. We do more than kiss but not all the way. I tell him all the way is never going to happen, when we were kissing it wasn’t like – wow! I have waited to do this for such a long time or anything – it didn’t feel that passionate. I totally took advantage of the situation having his company, having someone who wanted me and just enjoying his company like I always had but just closer. Right now I’m not regretting anything – I dont want anything – as soon as someone else comes along he will be history. I’m sure he feels the same – he doesn’t really want me either but dissed me for putting up the barriers saying there is no chamnce for us. So maybe he does want to try…..

The way I see it is a day at a time thing…. watch this space for imminant disater! Hey I’m an adult, I haven’t done this before and I will learn from it. I don’t want him. But I do… but it wouldn’t be right so I don’t. I’m just enjoying it whilst I can…..

The thing about this situation is that I am living in a shared house and I WELL aware it is temporary. I don’t know how long either of us will be here. I know I am playing with fire… fun for now but it will go out at some point 7 years ago


SunriseOverSeaUpdate

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH

I’m excommunicating my brain. 7 years ago


SunriseOverSeaResolution...?

It’s often nice to think that, even though you KNOW something won’t work out, that someone else wants it too. After a generally shitty couple of weeks (letting both myself and her down), I’m pretty much convinved that she isn’t the least be attracted to me. I’m taking everything far too seriously now, I can barely look at her without being consumed by jelously. That’s a really, really bad state to be in. It’s damaging our friendship, and I think she’s becoming increasingly uncomfortable around the house. Maybe nothing too heavy or specific, but just general vibes.

I’m trying, really trying, to keep her out of my mind. Everything has blown up to ludicrous proportions, and I’m not coping well. Give me strength.

I just hope she doesn’t end up getting hurt over this.

I think she’s started smoking. That makes me angry, disappointed, and upset. I have no right to feel any of the above. So what now? 7 years ago


SunriseOverSeaSolutions

Things aren’t really going too well this end. She’s still being impossibly sweet and lovely, and is always being nice to me. But I’m only becoming more and more convinced that it just wouldn’t work out between us.

So, I figure there’s two solutions. Maybe it’s the same for any relationship. Either:
a) Find someone else to dream about (tricky)
b) Find some way to absolutley hate her (also tricky, i can’t say a bad thing about her)
c) Make her really, really hate me and try to kill me. (A bit extremist)

I’m not sure what to do, really. I guess I’ll just keep going to bed lonely each night, and waiting for one of her smiles to see me through the day. 7 years ago


melloyello77what a f up!

Yep. I didn’t do anything with the housemate I fancied – instead completely and impulsively me and another housemate have ended up together. Luckily we haven’t told anyone else because it is all falling apart uncomfortably and slowly. I am trying to end it but still have a pathetic piece of hope in me… hopefully that will go soon. I’m soooo glad we didn’t tell anyone. The thing I found hardest was actually having to peel off my feelings for the other housemate I like.. I couldn’t.

But still I fancy the other housemate I have longed for ever since I first saw him. I hope someone else will come along for me who isn’t in this house! The guy who I have been with is leaving in 4 weeks…. phew! But the guy who I like has given me 2 opportunties to respond to him – 1 was he told me that one night when we went out a few months ago he was going to come on to me!2 was when he said he wondered when he met me if I was going to be “the one”. I said nothing because really I know he doesn’t fit my current ‘agenda’...... maybe I should stop looking for mr perfect? yeah – maybe I should be learning from my lastest mistake!

Can’t wait to have this off my list! 7 years ago


SunriseOverSeaChristmas!

Well, she’s away for Christmas now, won’t see her for.. best part of a month. It should be good for me, hopefully I can get her out of my head! It’s silly and annoying!

However, my heart nearly leapt of my chest the other morning. I opened the fridge door, the day after she left, and there was one particular white, clean, empty fridge shelf starting innocently back at me. It was one of the saddest things I’ve seen for quite a while. 7 years ago


SunriseOverSeaMy Story

My housemate moved in with me about 3 months ago. It was almost inevitable, really. I’ve been lonley a while now, and in moves this pretty young 18 year old girl. And I could cope with it all fine, execpt that she is so utterly LOVELY! She’s an absolute joy in my life, smiles whenever she sees me, and is full of happiness and good energy.

I don’t want to start anything, because it’s not fair on the rest of the house. Besides, I couldn’t keep a lovely girl like her happy for very long, and it would end badly. Even so, we’ve been spending a lot of time together. Sometimes, when she comes into my room and talks to me until 1am, I think that she might feel exactly the same.

Oh, drama! 7 years ago


melloyello77Untitled

Well – in general all the guys I like there seems to be one reason or another why NOT to fancy or pursue them.

I live in a shared house beacuse me and my ex of 3yrs (engaged)split 3 months ago. I live here because through a couple of people I knew in uni live here. One of them I fancy – and have faniced since the v first time I saw him 2 years ago (even tho I was engaged). He is so beautiful and we have alot in common.

However – he fancies another housemate here (!) but she is going soon, plus she is sooooo different from me v v young and inexperienced. Plus it just wouldn’t be fair on everyone else in the house to get involved with him because of changing the house dynamics – at the moment we ALL get on really well. Also – he is a couple of years younger than me, a lot less experienced relationship wise (he’s never lived with anyone before and I have lots), he doesn’t really know what he is doing in life – nor do I but I think if I could fancy someone who does it would be alot better for me personally, esp long term – he can be a right idiot when he is pissed – he looks at girls all the time (tho hasn’t had a gf in a long time, and he doesn’t sleep around either, he just likes looking ALL THE TIME). He’s not as intelligent as me or anyone I have been out with in the past. He is not from this country and will prob go back to where he is from eventually where I wouldn’t want to becasue I can’t speak the language. My best friend pointed out the most important thing HE MIGHT NOT FEEL THE SAME ABOUT ME! Which if he didn’t – if I knew that for sure, I would probably stop fancying him.

Nope – even with all these reasons it doesn’t stop me wanting to try with him. If I didn’t live in the same house as him then for sure I would be trying…. eeek! He is not the ideal man for me. I want someone older…. but in many ways he is…... laid back, v caring, creative, positive….. o crap

HEEEEEEEEEELPPP!

O yeah – one final thing. I just wouldn’t want to be on that list of girls he has slept with. His ex was a right minger. eeeiiiwww. I am sosososososoooooooo different to all these girls he goes for. SO that makes me think 2 things – 1. see it as a sign I am not his type or 2. I am actually his type, there just hasn’t been the oppurtunity for us yet

crikey – the sooner the better I need to solve this one because I have loads of uni work to do and it is V DISTRACTING!

someone help! 7 years ago


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